


To Be Together

by SerpentSnac



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fix-It, Post-Canon, So Many Kids, because i need a happy ending, lots of kids, self-awareness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-06-03 13:21:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 50,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19464853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SerpentSnac/pseuds/SerpentSnac
Summary: An alternative take on the end of season eight so that two knights can be together and the life they could have had.





	1. Brienne

**Author's Note:**

> Writing this story was how I dealt with the whole situation with Brienne and Jaime, and since I've put so much time into this, I might as well share it. So, enjoy...
> 
> Also, since I am impatient when waiting for chapters, most of the story is here. The second chapter is a window eighteen years into their future.

Chapter 1

The fire was embers when I returned to our… to my rooms. Yet it was still warmer here than in the courtyard. I couldn’t feel my feet as I lumbered around in the near dark grasping for smaller pieces of wood. I couldn’t feel my hands either as I clumsily threw each piece into the hearth. As the flames rose up, I sat as close as I dared, my focus dropping into the bright flames. The light burned through me and the warmth seeped into my limbs where they were pricked with reawakening. I was speared with pain, a reminder that I was still alive. Through the static of my body rolled a chill ran through my back and my eyes stung from dried tears and the escaping smoke. There were no words. There were no thoughts.

Light began to pour in through the cracks of the window slats and I could hear more people now, going about their day, their normal, uninterrupted day. I came back to myself then with anxiety tearing open my heart, knotting into my stomach. Sansa would be expecting me soon and I was not ready. Not ready to stand, not ready to speak. What should I tell Sansa? Would she know already? Has anyone noticed yet?

I rose from the ground, heart pounding in my chest, my stomach cramping. Still shaking, I donned my armor as a rapping came from my door. I opened it to find Pod there.

“Ser.” He greeted smiling a bit.

I nodded and brushed past him a little too roughly, but he followed without complaint. We made our way to Sansa’s quarters, knocked and waited. Sansa opened the door.

“Good Morning, Ser Brienne.” She said kindly as she scanned my face. 

“Good Morning, Lady Sansa.” I replied averting my eyes, hoping she did not see. How do I tell her? How do I explain this new betrayal

“Are you all right?”

I cursed myself and returned my gaze to hers, “Of course, my lady. Would you like to break fast this morning?”

Sansa held my gaze and almost seemed as though she wanted to push the matter. She didn’t. “No,” she replied, “I would like to see Bran, to see if he has word about Jon.”

Bran. I had not thought about him and a hot pain danced across my shoulders “Of course, my lady. He will likely be in the godswood already.”

Sansa nodded and led us three straight there. A tightness creeped about my chest with each step we took. As we crossed the yard I felt nauseous, I pushed it down but the dread clawed its way back up. Bran had never a reason to say anything to me before, it should be no different now. We entered the godswood and the cold sweat returned. My armor felt cumbersome and heavy, I shifted uncomfortably underneath it. I caught a glance from Pod, he looked at me questioningly. I shook my head at him. Whatever he wished to say, he kept it to himself.

Bran was exactly where he was expected to be. He waited beneath the large white tree. The place where the Long Night had been won. Normally, the weirwood did not bother me, but today it seemed as though it’s red bleeding eyes were watching me. They watched me as Bran watched me. His dark eyes pushing into me, through me. In the back of my mind I felt somehow I knew he was there this morning. Somehow there.

He did not take his eyes off me as Sansa hugged her brother. She stepped back and asked, “Have you seen Jon?”

Bran nodded, “He is close now.”

A shiver ran down my spine. Gods! Why won’t he blink?

Sansa nodded and began pacing, “And Arya?”

“A girl has a new face. A girl must collect a name.” 

His eyes bore into me. I clenched my jaw tightly, keeping my eyes on my lady. Sansa, deep in thought, had not noticed. She frowned to herself.

“Who’s face, Bran?” She asked, as if this man spoke anything other then riddles.

Unchanged Bran answered, “The Kingslayer must return to where it all began.”

I felt the blood rush from my arms and legs straight to my heart. I felt unsteady as Sansa stopped pacing. “The Kingslayer?” Bran did not answer, but continued to stare at me

I cursed under my breath, “Ser Jaime is gone my lady. He left this morning for King’s Landing.” I said quickly, I could not help myself.

Sansa raised her eyebrows. She seemed to be asking why I didn’t mention this sooner, “Do you know why?” She asked surprised, maybe even angry.

“She does.” Bran confirmed and I swear to the Seven I could kill him.

“He- he left…” I could not form the words and a tunnel was forming around Sansa. “He left t-to return to his q-queen.” Spots of light appeared around Sansa and I thought it strange that there were fireflies.

Sansa, on the other hand, was saying something. No asking something, but I couldn’t quite make out what it was. Then there was darkness, or was I still in the godswoods. It didn’t matter, half my face was cold now and it felt pleasant. And then, there were branches stretching above me. Sansa was by my side fussing as I slowly sat up. I looked up at Bran who watched me, his stare unchanged.

“Ser Brienne! Answer me, are you alright?” Sansa asked, a little more than irritated with me.

I shook off some of the snow. “Yes, my lady. I am so sorry, I do not know what came over me.” I looked about for Pod, but could not find him. 

“We should get you inside and then-” 

“Then we need to talk.” I said, interrupting her as I stood up. 

Pod was then at the entrance to the godswood with several men, no doubt ready to carry me off. Embarrassed, I waved him away, grinding my teeth as the blood rushed to my cheeks. I could tell Sansa softened at this and she put a hand on my arm.

“There no shame in fainting.” She said softly.

“When you are a knight there is.” I replied curtly. She gave me a look like I should know better and tightened her grip on my arm.

“Take me to my solar.” She ordered firmly. I merely nodded and did not look back at Bran again until we reached the threshold of the godwood, but he was no longer watching me. He was gone, not in body, but in mind and a shiver scrapped it’s way down my back. 

We enter Sansa’s solar, which had once been her mother’s solar. The room was warmed by the hot springs below, but despite that there was a large fire burning in the hearth. 

“Sit.” She demanded and turned to Pod, “Please fetch us some water and bread.” 

He nodded and looked to me. I gave him a small reassuring smile, he was not convinced, but left us anyways.

Sansa raised an eyebrow at me, “I will not repeat myself, Ser.”

I sat and Sansa sat opposite of me. Silence poured in as I was unable to find words. 

She sighed, “We can talk about the weather if you like and when you are warmed up you can tell me about the Kingslayer.” 

“Ser Jaime.” I mumbled. 

“Sorry?” She asked. 

“His name is Ser Jaime.” I looked at Sansa as she observed me keenly. She was being patient with me, but did not acknowledge his name. In fairness, Jaime leaving now did seem suspect and I could only imagine the things she thought. She probably regretted letting him stay. Afterall, she only let Jaime stay because of me… That didn’t matter now. I needed to speak now. “Ser Jaime is on his way to King's Landing.”

She almost laughed, “I know that part.” 

“He left early this morning.” 

“I know that as well."

I looked down, “I tried to stop him.” I hadn’t intended to pause, but a pang of terrible sadness pulled at my voice and I suddenly felt very tired. 

“And, he left anyway.” It wasn’t a question. It was a statement. I nodded, “He told you why I assume.” She continued.

“He is hateful.” The words came out of my mouth, but it wasn’t my voice. I looked at Sansa, at her questioning eyes. “He has unfinished business with his sister. He did not state out right what his intentions were, but he is returning to King’s Landing for her.” My eyes began to sting, tears welling up. Why must I be such a woman? I swallowed and closed my eyes. The tears were warm as they slid down my cheeks. I heard Sansa rise from her chair and cross the room. She put a hand on mine and I opened my eyes again. 

“I am so sorry, Ser.” She said compassionately. “This betrayal of your trust is unjust. He was not worthy of you.” I looked down at this young woman and her mother was there. Catelyn Stark would be proud of Sansa.

“I do not deserve this kindness.” I whispered.

Sansa smiled, “Kindness to you is a small thing to share. Besides, my sympathy was won when you fainted in the godswood.” She rose, returning to her chair.

Embarrassment blushed across my cheeks, “I didn’t faint on purpose!” I replied indignantly.

“No? I knew a girl who could faint on command. Anytime she was in trouble she’d just faint and suddenly she wasn’t in trouble anymore.” Sansa sat, amused. “I asked her to teach me, but she refused saying that it would make the septa suspicious if there were two girls fainting all the time. Would have been a good skill to learn.”

I sighed, “Well, I have never fainted in my life until today so I cannot tell you how it’s done.” 

“Pity.” She replied as she studied my face. “How do you feel now?”

Nauseous. Tired. Forlorn. “Fine.” I replied

“I can have Pod stay with me, if you wish to return to rest for the day?”

Hot shame raced down my chest, “No, my lady, I will do my duty.”

Sansa eyed me, “As you wish.”

I smiled. There was a knock at the door and Pod had returned with the water and bread. 

“It’s fresh baked, Ser.” He said to me as he put the tray on a nearby table.

“Thank you, Pod.” I replied and he seemed relieved as he passed me a goblet and pushed bread into my hands. Sansa smiled at me and briefly I felt reassured.

***

I returned to my room that evening completely exhausted. The day itself had been trivial compared to the weeks prior, but all day he was there in the back of my mind. The look on his face in my hands. His eyes as I asked him to stay. I pushed my thoughts to the present and found only emptiness. The room was quiet except for the fire crackling softly, the flames dully roaring. I looked at the empty bed and felt that emptiness plunge into my heart. A great void opening deep within me.

I ran my hand across the furs as I laid my body down. Covering myself, I could smell him. I cried again, the sobs racked my body causing my chest to shutter as I held back my wails. I buried myself, half wishing his scent would fade and half hoping it would never go.

***

The following days were a blur for me. I followed Sansa as she completed her duties around Winterfell. I tried to focus on her, on her words, on her actions. It worked despite the dull ache plaguing my every waking moment. Sansa held her own brilliantly of course, commanding the men with cunning and grace. She was great with the ledgers and great with the small folk. She truly was a sight to behold. She made it easy to dive deep into my duties. Sansa would often ask my counsel even when she did not truly need it. Clearly, she felt I needed the distraction and I took it willingingly. On my own though, I was not as productive. I did not eat much. I did not sleep much.

So, it should not have been a surprise when I fainted again. It happened in the privacy of my own quarters and when I woke on the ground, I wondered if something was wrong. I had pushed myself before and never before had I fainted. I visited Maester Wolkan and he advised that it was exhaustion and that I should eat more, rest more. This I felt true, but I could not shake my waking burdens. I retired early that night in a small attempt to take his advice and sleep more, but I found myself tossing and turning. When I did finally sleep, I dreamt of wading through a hot steaming bath surrounded by green fire, roaring like a lion. Jaime was there in the fire. Half a corpse, half a god.

I woke in a cold sweat. The room was a soft orange glow radiating from the embers in the hearth. Like all the winter mornings, it was still dark and cold. I felt nauseous and restless, clamoring from my bed and barely catching myself with my legs. I stumbled to the window just as I began to feel a sickly surge rise from my stomach. I wretched and then vomited, the stew I had eaten the night before tumbling into the yard below. It came up three more times before I was done and could slide down the cool stone wall holding my body tightly.

I wiped my mouth wondering if the meat had gone off, or perhaps I had a cup of wine too many the night before. I cursed at my carelessness. The momentary peace of the North does not grant me the right, I should be more careful with myself. A surge of energy coursed through my body. The kind you only get the moment you have upheaved the content of your stomach, and I thought about my dream. My nightmare? It wasn’t truly frightening as a nightmare should be, but the sickly hot feeling of the green flames was something else. 

I inhaled slowly. What am I doing here?

This question was one I had pushed away since he left. “What am I doing here?” I asked aloud. The room was quiet and gave no answer. A strange thought pulsated in my mind. A desire to follow him. 

With my jaw clenched I rose from the ground slowly. A haze of dizziness began to settle around my head, slowing my movements as I dressed. I strapped my sword to my hip and was caught by the rubies in its hilt. They glimmered red and bright, almost delighted by my attention as thought flickered in the back of my mind, taunting me. Jaime does not need to do this alone. 

I strode confidently towards Sansa’s quarters, it was early still, but I couldn’t deny the urgency screaming in my mind. He had more than a week’s full ride ahead of me, but I could be at Kings Landing in time to help him. I could push my mount, as risky as that would be, I could get to him in time. 

I took the stairs two, or three at a time, climbing quickly. As I round the corner to Sansa’s door my pace faltered. A dizzy spell had flooded my head and the nausea returned. I leaned into the wall taking a moment to breath deeply. The castle is so quiet in these early hours. It was peaceful. The world seemed to slumber here as it waited for spring. In the silence more thoughts were forming in my mind. I did not have a true plan beyond catching up to Jaime. How do I explain this to Sansa? What if she says no? What if she says yes? I exhale slowly. 

I pushed myself around the corner to find on of Sansa’s night guards. “Ser!” 

He had been drifting at his post and nearly jumped out of his armor at my sudden approach. Gruffly I said. “I need to speak with Lady Sansa.”

He paused before he knocked on the door gently, purposefully and announced my presence. I avoided his eyes while we waited. He would have knocked again had Sansa not finally answered the door. 

“Ser Brienne?” 

“I need to speak with you, my lady, I apologize for the early hour.” 

She stepped back to read my face. I passed her attempting to keep my face neutral and entered the room. The room seemed too large, my head began to reel. I turned back to her as she closed the door. She waited and I could not speak.

“Brienne…” She pressed me to speak.

“I fear I must leave you… to find Ser Jaime.” She raised an eyebrow at me, I saw a hint of red blossom on her neck as I attempted to continue, “I should be there to -”

“To what, Ser?” I stumbled at her interruption, at her sudden anger. “To help him? To save him? To kill him yourself?” I had no reply. She sighed and made her way to her bed where she sat down. She looked so tired then. A young woman tired with being the reasonable one. “The Kingslayer left us almost ten days ago. You will not be able to catch him by horse and our last supply ship left White Harbor yesterday. By the time you reach King’s Landing, the war will be over. The fate of Cersei Lannister, and therefore the Kingslayer, will be decided. What then do you think you can do?” Her words struck me dumb. Sansa nodded, taking the lack of action as confirmation, “You do not have a plan. I will not give you leave to go.”

I felt hot tears begin to sting the corners of my eyes as I looked down. I was a scolded child, “I have to try.” I choked out.

Sansa closed her eyes and swallowed searching for patience, “No, you don’t. He has made his choice and you made yours.” I wiped my tears roughly from face, “You swore to be my sword, would you break that oath?” I looked away, but felt her eyes on me, “There is no man who can do what you can do. I need you here with me. I need Ser Brienne of Tarth to uphold her oath and help me keep the North.” My eyes came up to hers and there was such grief on her face as she continued, “I know how you feel, Ser. I want to save my brother and sister, but I cannot save them from themselves. If I lose them… I…” She stopped herself, tears were shining in her eyes. Finally, she said, “I cannot bear to lose you as well. Especially not for a god-forsaken Lannister”

The room was silent then, as I attempted to comprehend her words. Those she trusted most had left her to finish this war, except for me. I knelt before her and bowed my head. Shamed and humbled, I steeled myself and finally replied with, “Forgive me, my lady, I forgot myself.” 

“You are forgiven, Ser.” 

“Thank you, my lady. I will not disturb you any longer.” 

I left her there and found myself walking the battlements. Unable to return to bed, unable to stop moving. Our conversation danced in my head, her words echoing loudly. I had a duty and I was blinded by a golden lion. He glittered in the sun, a beauty who deigned to lay with the Maid of Tarth. He nearly made me forget my oath. He nearly made me forget myself.

***

I was able to push him from my mind then. As the days passed and we heard no news, I settled back into my routine and stood, uncomplaining, by Sansa. I slept better, though still not well. Vivid dreams haunted my nights and would leave me emotionally drained every morning. In one, I would be standing in the bear pit again, naked and alone. His right hand was a bear claw and when he reached for me, he would cut me. In another I would dream of a dark forest and men chanting, “The bear, the bear and the maiden fair.” I was being hunted, but I could not run. They would be getting closer and I could not run. I dreamt of Jaime shuffling through the mist with glowing blue eyes, whispering Cersei’s name.

The worst of it was a sickness that had been running through the castle began to take hold in me. I did my best to stand my Sansa, advise her when she asked, but my waking hours became almost as unbearable. Most days I would be too hot and too dizzy. It made me nauseous and in the early morning, I would succumb to it. To add to my displeasure my breasts had decided to be tender under my armor. They screamed dully at me to unbind them. In my fatigue, it was difficult to ignore them. Sansa would often read the discomfort on my face, but she did not press me to speak on it. 

The peace in Winterfell was disrupted when Sansa received a raven from Dragonstone. The message was simple and in Tyrion’s handwriting. _Negotiations have failed._ Sansa had been strong when she handed me the note, but a slight tremble in her hand caught me off guard. She was silent that day, pushing herself deeper into her work. I worried more when she chose to eat in her solar. So, there I stood, in plain clothes, Oathbreaker at my side, in front of the solar door. I knocked curtly. There was no answer. I knocked again and again no answer. I knock harder, practically pounding the door down and finally an answer. 

“Who is it?”

“Ser Brienne, my lady.”

She opened the door and I could see that she had been crying, “What can I do for you, Ser?” She asked. 

I blushed, embarrassed, “I thought you might need some company.”

She took me in for a moment, I imagined she was trying to decide if my company was the company she wanted. Finally, she nodded and let me through. I was tired and dizzy despite drinking only water at dinner. Sansa gestured for me to sit and put a cup of wine in my hand. I put the cup on a nearby table, I wanted to drink what she gave me, but the smell was off putting. She observed this as I sat.

“Not thirsty?” She asked.

“I do not feel well, my lady.”

“Many are sick these days.” She responded and drank her wine. I looked into the fire unsure of what to say. Friends have been far too few in my life and I never mastered simple conversations, let alone conversations of comfort. Sansa knew this well by now and it wasn’t long before she spoke again, clearly desperate for one of us to create a distraction, “Tell me about your family, Ser.”

I smiled a little. Ser. The warmth it gave me, the bitterness to think of Jaime. “I have only my father and he is home in Tarth.”

“Then tell me of the Lord of Tarth.” 

I nodded and looked out a nearby window. The moon was bright in the sky, waning for the second time since the Battle of the Dead. “He is a good man, though desperate for a son. My father has a new woman almost every year and yet, has not found one to replace my mother.” I shrugged, “I know he loves me well. He saw my desire to be a knight and even though he could have forced me into stitches and dresses, he put a sword in my hand. He let his only heir, a girl, have a sword and then sent her off to his bannerman.”

“He saw your strength.”

I nodded, “He saw my persistence.”

Sansa smiled softly, “Will you return to Tarth then? When all of this is over?”

A sadness passed over me, “Truth be told, my lady, I did not think I would live to see it again.” I paused thinking on the current situation, “Truthfully, I dare not hope for it.” 

She nodded somberly, her mind elsewhere “We have all prepared for the worst.” I watched her as she worked through some hidden thought and I searched within myself for some comfort to give her. 

“Share with me your thoughts.”

She looked at me then, “Tyrion's raven... concerns me.”

“It could not be avoided.” 

Sansa snorted, “Tyrion must have thought it was worth trying, but if he had asked me, I would have reminded him of his sisters true nature.” The words were bitter.

We had never spoken of her time as a Lannister captive, but I knew the story. “I’m surprised he didn’t. You knew her well.” 

Sansa drank again, “Tyrion still thinks of me as the helpless girl he was forced to marry.”

Our eyes met and I replied, “Then we should have reminded him that you are not.”

“If you see him again, Ser, please tell him so. He respects you, he may listen.” 

I bowed my head, “As you command.”

She smiled at me. Something crossed her mind and her smile faltered slightly, “I must tell you how pleased I am that you have stayed.”

Guilt dropped into my dizziness and my cheeks felt hot, “You were right, my lady.” I replied, “I could not forsake my oath.” 

“Did you ever think you would feel divided like this?” 

My mind was empty and I let honesty answer. “No, my lady. In my youth, when I dreamt of being a knight, I thought the path would be simple. I only had to be just, kind and merciful. Through this I would follow my liege lord in honor.” I paused and sipped my wine, it was bitter on my tongue. “I could not see my life as it has been. I could not know I would be a Lady’s sword. I did not know what it meant to find love in a man who should be my enemy.”

“I think you’ve handled your fate well.” Sansa replied thoughtfully, “Not many can choose duty over love.”

I smiled slightly, “The Starks do it well.”

She gave me such a look then, I could not help but flinch. “We do not, Ser. My brother died because he chose love over duty. My mother died because she chose love over duty. My father… My father nearly destroyed my mother when he chose love over duty.” Sansa watched me work through these words and continued before I could speak, “Jon is not my brother. He is the child of my aunt, Lyanna Stark and Rhaegar Targaryen. Their love started a war in this country.” 

My heart clenched tightly. I was stunned at the revelation and had to force myself to ask the question. “Why are you telling me this?”

She shrugged, “So that you know.” She paused, her eyes unfocused, her mind elsewhere. “So that if need be, another knows the truth.” And, then she looked at me and said, “So that you do not feel alone. So that you know I trust you and value you.” 

I felt a burning in my cheeks, from where I could not describe. “Aye, my lady.”

***

The journey to my rooms was torturously slow and it felt like I ran into more people in the halls than ever. A cramping in my abdomen had started the moment I left my lady’s solar. A dull clenching and I honestly had no patience for a red tide tonight. I entered my rooms and barred the door. I unbelted my sword, hanging it dutifully. It’s rubies shone brightly, light dancing in their centers. I collapsed on the bed and massaged my lower abdomen, easing the cramping somewhat. It felt strange and bloated, and I really did not want to deal with this now. 

I didn’t remember falling asleep, but suddenly I was on the battlements. It was dark, cold and so I could not see much, but I knew I was not alone. Jaime was there, but I could not see him. It was dark, but he was there. His hand wrapped itself in mine, a bear claw sinking into the skin. That morning I found the spotting in my undergarments and prepared myself for my moonblood.

But, it did not come.

After two days and nothing more than the spotting, I knew. I counted back and realized that I had last bled before the Long Night. I sent Pod to Sansa that day, claiming to be unwell and made my way to the maester. I entered his study and he seemed surprised at first. Then his face dropped to concern as I closed the door.

“How can I help you, Ser?” He asked, but his tone indicated he may already know. 

I had no patience to beat around the bush, “I believe I am with child.” I muttered, almost hoping he would not hear me.

“Ah.” He said. Ah? _Ah?_ He read my face and continued, “A terrifying battle and a cold winter make many children but,” he paused, clearly reading my expression, “let us not jump to conclusions. What have you been feeling?”

I told him quickly as my face grew red. The embarrassment and shame mixed poorly inside me and the nausea of the day almost overtook me.

“You missed two of your moonbloods and had not noticed?” He asked this without judgement which made me wish I could soften myself.

“I have been busy.” I replied bitterly.

“I am aware of your knightly duties,” I glared at him, what a word to choose. Knightly. Had he intended it’s double use? He might as well just then point out that bedding the Kingslayer was not a nightly thing to do, nor a knightly thing to do. He continued, ignoring the daggers I threw at him with my eyes, “but most women -”

I snorted. I had had enough, “I am not most women.” 

“Apparently, you are.” That caught me off guard. I have never been compared to other women like that. I was always the uncommon, not the common. He continued, “These symptoms would appear to confirm your suspicions. I could examine you more directly if you like, there are other signs to look for, but I think we both know it’s true.” I swallowed and nodded, he continued, “I recommend that you take leave of your duties, Ser.” He was stern with me now, “or you’ll risk more than the child.” 

I cried then. Maester Wolkan crossed the space between us and laid a comforting hand on my shoulder. I was taller than him and it felt awkward, but I appreciated the effort. 

His voice was soft when he spoke next, “A child is nothing to cry about.” 

“A bastard may be...” I choked.

The maester sighed, “Aye, that is troublesome for most, but in this case, you are not most. If the rumors of your adventures are true, you can make this work.” He paused a moment, “And, if some idiot so much as looks at you the wrong way, you may put them in their place. However you see fit. This is my opinion as a maester and I believe it will be quite healthy for the babe.” 

I smiled, appreciating his efforts the more, “Should you not be scolding me?”

“You cannot change the past, only do better in the future.” He replied and returned to his desk.

I wiped my face, “My old Septa would not agree.” 

It was his turn to scoff, “Well, she’s not here.”

“True.” 

I turned to leave, but he called out to me, “Ser?” I paused “Will you be telling Lady Sansa, or would you like me to?” 

The question surprised me, “I don’t know.”

He nodded, “You should tell our lady sooner rather than later. News like this does not stay secret for long. And, as I said before, you should relinquish you knightly duties, they are too hard on the body.” 

His words washed over me. I had not considered when or if I should tell Sansa. What would she think? What would she say? She just praised me for choosing duty over love and here I was with child. I nodded at the maester and left him to his work as I returned to my rooms. It was hot inside. Someone had left a tray of breakfast and a pitcher of water before they stoked the flames. Sansa probably sent someone to check on me. A strange laugh over took me and I was somehow reminded of the day I asked her if Jaime could stay. She was not happy, but somewhat accepting. Perhaps she would be again.

I sighed and sat on our bed. Our bed… I had not let myself think like that for a long time. To think about his presence, to think about his absence. It was cold without Jaime. I wondered if he was cold without me. I wondered if he had caught up with the Northern army yet. I wondered then if I had known earlier, would he have stayed? Would I have said something? Though our time together had been sweet with gentle touches and laughter, I had always wondered about his true feelings. 

Jaime seemed sincere, in his actions and his words. Especially through his jealousy of Tormund. But, would he have grown tired of me? Annoyed with my inability to be a simple woman? I laid back pressing my hands into my abdomen, it felt hard somehow. The muscle had changed, a larger shape than before. I felt this before, but had not understood that this held something so small. Something so life altering.

Is this something I wanted? It was not something I had ever really thought about. Well, that’s not true, I had when I was much younger thought I may marry Renly and give him many sons. As I grew up, this fantasy dissolved away with each snicker, with each mocking voice. All from men who thought I was too big and too ugly to be a wife, a mother. I resented that almost more than my lacking femininity. I believed that I would be a maid forever. No man would have me. No matter the offer. But… Jaime had wanted me. He came to me. He stayed with me. He left me.

A strange strength began to emerge from the depths of my body. I was not the women I was expected to be, more so since I became a knight, and I would not be the mother I was expected to be either. They would expect me to set aside my knighthood and return to Tarth to raise the child. They did not expect me to become a knight and they certainly did not expect me to become a mother. If Sansa would keep me, I would stay. 

I woke in the early darkness of the morning to a gentle knocking. I rose stiffly, chilled from the low fire and opened the door to Pod. He looked worried, “Lady Sansa has called for you, Ser.” I nodded and left the door open as I turned to my armour. Pod followed me into the room, closing the door behind us. I did not fight him as he helped me with the clasps and strings. It was faster with the two of us.

As I lifted my sword from its hanging perch, he spoke again, “I hope you are feeling better, Ser.”

My movements slowed as I wondered if I should tell him now and thought it would be good to have a friend in this. I wrapped the belt around my waist as I answered. “As well as I can be Pod.” He seemed confused and as I synched the belt tight to my hips, I clarified, “I am with child.” I watched his face change as he began putting it all together, “Do not say a word on it. I do not want her ladyship to learn this from someone else.” 

“Yes, Ser.” He said quickly with a nod. 

“Shall we then?” I asked and headed for the door.

“Ser?” 

I stopped and turned to him, “Pod?”

“They will be lucky to have you.” He mumbled embarrassed.

“Who will?” 

“Your child.” 

I smiled at him, “Thank you, Pod.” It was a small gesture, but it warmed my heart.

We made our then to Lady Sansa, Pod led me to the godswood where she waited with Bran and Maester Wolkan. The maester watched our approach and gave me a curt smiled and a small nod as we made eye contact. Sansa did not notice our approach as she was reading a small piece of parchment. She did not look up until the maester cleared his throat.

“My lady.” I greeted. Her face was filled with concern.

“Ser Brienne, we have had news from the front lines.” She said softly. I looked to the maester who was serious now, Sansa continued, “They caught the Kingslayer attempting to bypass them.”

A numbness crept up my back. “Caught, my lady?”

“Yes. I sent a warning to Tyrion.” She continued softly. The numbness was reaching my neck now. “That the Kingslayer left Winterfell under -”

“Under suspicious circumstances.” I finished, cold, stern. Sansa nodded.

I observed a small tension in her shoulders as she replied, “True, Ser. There is more.”

“More?”

Sansa nodded, “We are uncertain what was said exactly, but the Kingslayer convinced the Dragon Queen to send him into the city to negotiate a surrender. A plan was devised by my sister, and Bran confirms that the Dragon Queen has approved of it. They have left the encampment with the Hound”

I looked then to Bran, he was already watching me. Dizziness began to buzz in my head. “Do you know the plan?”

“To enter the lion's den, to tame it or take it’s head.” Bran said softly, dully. I looked into Bran’s face and he, as always, was an empty vessel. 

Sansa spoke then, “Do you think he is capable of it?” 

I looked at her then, “He will do what is right.”

“Will he? And, by whom will he do what is right?” She asked. Sansa did nothing to mask her contempt for Jaime.

There was no doubt in my mind who he chose. “My lady, if he betrays us, Lady Arya will serve his justice.” The words were sour in my mouth. I could see in her face she knew this to be true. Arya was with him and she would deal with him. 

Finally she asked, “What do we do then?”

“We can only wait,” replied Maester Wolkan.

“We wait for news, of course.” I said and paused a moment, “but we should resume drills with the few who have been left. Drills in the morning, building in the afternoons. Extra ale for the men who comply willingly. We do not know how this seige will end.”

Sansa took me in as she considered my words. Seeming satisfied, she nodded, “Will you run these drills, Ser?”

“If my lady commands it.”

“I do. They should begin tomorrow.” 

***

Time pressed on an I still had not said a word to Sansa about my condition. I used that time to build goodwill towards my loyalty, hoping it would soften her. I buried myself in my work and drilled the men every morning, with only a few grumbling over their new tasks. Grumbling that is until they were given their extra flagon of ale. Sansa seemed pleased with my efforts and I felt that I could soon share with her the news of what I carried.

It was dark the morning of the new moon. As I laced my trousers, I noticed they would not tighten like they did before. I looked down and found that my belly had begun to round slightly. I let out a trembling breath and knew time was short for me. I traced it’s small curve with my fingers and Jaime came to mind. I smiled a little thinking that if he were here he would tease me. I wondered too, if this small bump was the last piece I would ever have of him. But, that thought was too much and I had to push him away. I put my breastplate on and was acutely aware of the way my belly brushed against it. I met with Pod in the hall and he informed me that Sansa was already in the great hall preparing to hear the needs of the small folk.

We entered and found the maester and Bran with her, as was expected. Sansa was sitting by the hearth looking a little ashen. “My lady,” I said as we approached. 

“The siege has begun,” she replied not looking at me. 

I looked to Bran who’s eyes were clouded and then Maester Wolkan, who nodded. “Would you like to postpone your duties today?” I asked as delicately as I could. 

Sansa shook her head, “No, it will be worse with nothing to do.” 

I paused looking around. I could already hear the people waiting outside the doors. “Then perhaps we should move Lord Bran.” Sansa blinked and I continued as she was not in the mind to follow, “The small folk are not used to his lordship looking so... clouded.” 

“Oh.” She responded, “Yes, of course.” 

“We cannot move him.” The maester warned. “He won’t find his way back.”

I sighed impatiently feeling fatigued already, a headache beginning to pulsate at my temples. “Can we turn him then? Our guests may think it’s rude, but many already know he has been strange since his return.” 

“That will do.” The maester replied and turned him to the fire. 

I put a hand on Sansa’s shoulder and gave it a strong squeeze, “My lady, you must be ready.” She nodded and patted my hand.

“Yes, of course, Ser.” She stood, “Maester, are our ledgers ready?”

“Yes, my lady.” He rushed to the table and opened the first book there and like that, the day began. 

The small folk entered and Sansa dealt with each one very well. She was sympathetic, but just. The day was long and when all complaints were heard, I escorted Sansa back to her room. Bran had not returned from wherever he was and I could tell this worried Sansa. 

“Thank you, Ser, I will eat in my room tonight, I do not wish to be disturbed.”

I nodded, guilt rushing down my back, hot like fire, “Of course, but there is a matter I need to discuss with you first.” 

“Ser Brienne, I am exhausted. Please, let this wait for the morning.” 

“My lady, I really have waited too long.” I said insistently. I did not know what news would come tomorrow. 

There must have been something in my tone for she invited me in and closed the door behind us. ‘What is it then?” She asked, tired, way too tired. 

“I must apologize first, I know there is much on your mind.”

She nodded and sat by the hearth, “Indeed, this must be important.”

“It’s important to me.”

She looked at me, “Tell me.” 

“I have not spoken of my time with Ser Jaime…” Sansa raised her eyebrows, but said nothing, “however something delicate has… has emerged.” I breathed deeply finding the words caught. I cleared my throat, “I am with child.” I finally said.

She sucked in some air and released it, lost for words. Sansa looked me over, before speaking, “This is unexpected.”

I laughed, I could not help myself, “Truly.”

“You’re sure? And, it’s the Kingslayers then?”

“Yes.” I replied softly. “There has been no one else.”

She played with her hands, “Well... I am, to say the least, unimpressed.”

“I as well.”

Sansa laughed and looked into the fire for a while before asking, “What is your plan then? Are you asking to leave my service? Return to Tarth?” 

I sighed and shifted my weight to my back leg. I was aware again of the swell of my belly against my breast plate. “No, my lady. I do not think leaving you and returning to Tarth will be any better than staying here and maintaining my duties. I promised my sword to you and mean to keep that oath.”

She seemed stunned, “I do not want to see you go, but this is an unusual circumstance for a knight.” 

I nodded, “I am certainly unique in this respect.”

She tapped her chin with a finger, “Are you sure you wish to stay?” Sansa paused, a strange look on her face, “I know we spoke of duty and love before, but-”

“I will remain by your side, my lady. I will keep my oath… at least until this war is settled,” I sighed, “This child will likely be a bastard,” Sansa flinched at the truth, “and I do not think Tarth will be better for it. Here though, here this child will not be alone in their fate.” 

Sansa nodded, knowing full well that there were several women, unmarried with child, in Winterfell. Finally she asked, “You don’t trust the Kingslayer to return?”

“In war there is no knowing if any of us will return.”

She rubbed her eyes then, clearly exhausted, saying, “Well, at least this child will be raised by a brave and true knight.” The words struck me deep in the heart and I couldn’t believe that despite everything, she still had some respect for me. She looked up at me and with a half smile said, “What happens when you no longer fit your armor?”

I blushed taken aback, resisting the urge to touch my abdomen. “I supposed I will wear the leather variety.”

“And, when you’re too big to swing a sword?”

I had not thought that far ahead, a large belly to swing around. I could see myself then barely able to properly guard. “I don’t know, my lady.” I answered honestly.

“You should think on it.” A new energy seemed to form in her as she asked, “How have you been feeling?”

“I have felt better."

She laughed, “We have a few women in your condition and they all say something much the same only less polite.” 

“I do not recommend it.”

Sansa shrugged, “There should always be a Stark in Winterfell.” 

“Adopt a ward, my lady, and have them be named a Stark.”

“Perhaps I should adopt that Snow in your belly,” she said drily, but despite her tone, there seemed to be some truth there.

And again, I was disarmed by her, “I feel the need to remind you that this child is part lion.” 

She waved a hand at that, “Tyrion has proved that some Lannisters are well and good, but I do believe this child will be wholly Tarth.” I smiled at that. It was kind of her to overlook Jaime’s part in this, but all the words in the world could not make me forget. Then Sansa asked, “What of after?” 

“After?” I asked.

“Once you have given birth, you can’t nurse and run drills at the same time.”

I sighed heavily, “I-” 

The door burst open and Pod stumbled in breathless, “Ser!” 

I turned to him, tired, aching in my body, “Pod? Pod this is Lady Sansa’s rooms! You cannot just barge in.”

“I’m so sorry, Ser. My lady, but Lord Bran is returned and the maester has called for Lady Sansa.”

We looked at each other and then Sansa led us from the room. We flew into the hall to see Wolkan and Bran were waiting by the fire. The maester was trying to coax Bran to eat.

“What word?” Sansa asked.

Bran looked up at her, “The siege is over. The city claimed by the dragon.” 

Sansa collapsed in front of her brother, “Where have you been?”

He did not answer the question. “The lion queen is dead. The dragon queen is dead. A dragon needed to be calmed.”

I sucked in my breath. “Arya? Jon?” Sansa asked revealing her fear.

“A faceless girl has claimed a name. A dragon must take the throne.”

She stood exasperated, “Maester, has there been a raven?”

“No, my lady, not yet.” he replied soberly. 

“I suppose that’s all.” Sansa said and paused hoping for more from Bran. He sat there silent again, “Please wake me if there is a raven and when Bran has more to say please write it down.” She looked at me, “Ser.” And left before I could escort her back.

“Pod, you can go. We have an early morning.”

“Yes, Ser.” He said and tentatively left us.

I turned to Wolkan. “If you need me-” 

“Of course, Ser.” The maester interrupted.

I turned to leave and that was of course when Bran spoke again. “Kingslayer. Queenslayer. Kinslayer. Cursed man.” He said as if the words meant nothing, but he had to know what they would mean to me. I turned back to those dark, unfocused eyes. I could feel the maesters eyes on us. “The things we do for love.” He said finally. 

He had said them before, at Jaimes trial, and even now I did not understand them. What I knew was that he was trying to tell me something. A thought clawed its way inside me. 

“I do not understand, Lord Bran.”

He looked to the fire and did not respond. The maester lightly gripped his chair. “I am sorry, Ser.” Wolkan said softly.

I returned to my rooms thinking on Bran’s words. They were clear enough. Jaime killed his sister. I unbelted my sword and gingerly hung it by the mantle. Jaime was alive, _cursed man_. I removed my armor and sat on the edge of the bed with one hand resting over the newly formed bump. If he returns, then what? I only had a short plan for myself. What do I say to him? What will Sansa do with him? 

***

A raven arrived several days later with confirmation that the siege was over, the North had won. It was in Tyrion’s hand, but he did not include details. Only bade Lady Sansa and Lord Bran to come South. He had an escort sent by ship as to not leave Winterfell without a guard. We were expected to join them at White Harbor in three weeks time and sail to King's Landing for Jon’s ascension to the throne. Sansa seemed relieved to hear Jon was expected to take the throne. I was anxious as there was no news on Jaime.

I felt time working against me again. My belly continued to swell and soon my armor did not fit me well. There were gaps left open on my sides and should I be in a real fight, I would be exposed. The men I drilled every day also began to hold back. No matter how I scolded them, they became less willing to swing at me. It did not help that Sansa would observe me with them and she would often gasp when a swing came too close. I had to turn to Pod to run them through the motions. He was skilled enough and the men weren’t afraid to hit him. 

As I watched them work, my mind would drift to Jaime in King’s Landing. I did not know what I would say to him if I saw him. Would I even see him? I had duties, but it would be easy enough for him to dodge me if he wanted to. Oh gods, what would he say when he saw my belly? How would I tell him? 

The night before we departed to White Harbor, Sansa visited me. She entered my chambers with a bundle in her arms which she laid on my bed. “This is for you.” She said as she unfolded what she brought. It was revealed it to be a thick black leather jerkin that had many overlapping layers and straps. It was studded with silver and the Stark sigil had been inlaid on the chest. “I had them add more of these overlapping areas here.” She said putting her hand on the abdominal section. “It won’t be as impervious as metal, but it will allow you to breath.” She said politely, looking down at my belly and quickly back up.

The straps I noted would allow me to fit it to my growing body. “Thank you.” I said, unsure what else to say as I was not ready yet to give up my armor, but I too had to look down at the protruding bump. 

“The maester has advised that we take a sledge, like Bran.” Her tone was gentle.

“I do not need a sledge, my lady.” I replied.

“Yes, but I don’t want you-”

I waved a hand before interrupting. Wolkan had spoken to me as well, warning of the dangers of horseback, clearly he did not think I listened well enough, “If we keep a gentle pace I should be fine.” I paused looking for a compromise so that she did not argue with me, “Our return however I may require a sledge.” We weren’t expecting to stay long in King’s Landing, a month, maybe two, but at the rate I was growing, riding would be out of the question.

“Very well. You may ride, but on our return you will be in the sledge.” She replied, accepting my compromise. She must have been thinking the same thing for she eyed my changing body. Then she said, “On the other hand, if you prefer, you may stay here.”

I smiled, “No, my lady, I will be at your side.” 

She nodded, “Very well.”

***

We did have a long day. A long week of riding through snow. Sansa had sent men ahead of us to clear a path, but it was still hard on the horses. The worst of it wasn’t the animals or the snow, but the way Sansa would watch me. She watched me for any sign of distress. I knew how to keep my horse steady, but her silent fussing made me tense. I eventually had to settle for riding behind her as to make it more difficult to watch me. And, suddenly the journey seemed a little more bearable.

When we arrived at White Harbor it was bare bones, with few soldiers and small folk maintaining it. I did not have much time to dwell on this for as promised our ship was waiting and our escort quickly brought us aboard, eager to return South.

Time on the ship felt so different than at Winterfell. I had this new energy I could not account for, it made me restless at being confined to small spaces. I tried to shake it off by walking the deck with Sansa or forcing Pod to lightly spar with me. He half-heartedly obeyed, closing his eyes when he swung at me, making it too easy for me to parry his blows. It made Sansa laugh to watch us, which was a small lift to the general mood of the ship. We were between worlds here and it felt good.

At night, however, I had a new desire to be touched. Never in my life was I so desperate, so needy. I had to quietly satisfy myself in the dark, after which I would dream of a left hand in my hair, a hot mouth on my breast and a weight against my hips. Sometimes the hand would caress my scars and sometimes it pulled at my ass. I could feel the rough calluses, a light hesitant shake. I would wake up to find I was disappointedly alone and unsatisfied.

As we entered Blackwater Bay I looked South past the peninsula. It had been many years since I last sailed this way. 

Sansa caught me staring. “What are you looking at, Ser?” She asked. 

I pointed, “The Isle of Tarth is that way, my lady.” 

“We could visit, if you like. We will be in no rush on our return.”

I put a hand on my hip and tapped my belly within the leather layers. “I may be, my lady.”

“Ah, if we go to Tarth…” 

“I fear I will not be able to leave soon enough for my lady.”

Sansa wove her arm through mine and stood linked with me, “Just say the word, Ser, we will go where you are most comfortable after this. I will not hold you to me if wish to see those sapphire shores again.”

The shores of my childhood swam before my eyes for a moment. I pushed them away and said, “In time perhaps.” 

***

King’s Landing was devastated. Large chunks of it had been burned and the stench of death lingered. The streets were littered with crumbled buildings. Many of its people we busy clearing the roads, but many still seemed to wander aimlessly. We were greeted by Tyrion on the docks with an escort of Northern men by his side. He smiled at Sansa. As I followed her down the plank, I caught him eyeing me subtly. 

“My lord, my lady” He greeted the Starks with a bow. “Ser Brienne, how good it is to see you.” I nodded in return.

“My lord.” Sansa greeted, “How are you?” 

“Well enough.” He replied, “And, you?”

“Tired, the journey was long.”

“Of course, I have a carriage here for you and Lord Stark. I had my men bring horses for your sworn sword and her squire.”

A panic hit me, of course he would expect me to ride he does not know. Sansa looked at me briefly before she replied, “I’d rather have Ser Brienne in the carriage.”

Tyrion took me in for a moment and something twitched at the corner of his mouth, “As you like, there is room for one more.”

We arranged ourselves in the carriage so that I sat next to Sansa, Oathkeeper in my hand, and Bran sat across from us next to Tyrion.

“Tell me of the city.” Sansa commanded Tyrion.

He grimaced, “It is not well. We have much to rebuild and many supplies were lost in the fires.”

“Was the siege so bad?”

Tyrion shook his head. “The siege was rather quick.” 

“I don’t understand, my lord. If the siege was quick, then why is the city in such devastation?”

“We could not control the dragon.” Tyrion sighed, “There is more to it my lady, but Jon- our king wants to tell it to you himself.” Sansa nodded, and we were quiet.

Tyrion turned to me, “I see you’re no longer wearing your armor. It was a nice fit, what happened?”

I blushed, “Nothing happened, my lord, I required something different.”

He frowned and before he could pry more, Sansa interrupted him, “Will we see Jon, on our arrival or is our meeting delayed until tomorrow?”

“Ah, yes. He has requested that your brother and yourself join him for dinner.” 

Sansa kept Tyrion busy with idle chat until we arrived at the Red Keep. Just like the city around it, large parts were in ruins. Tyrion exited the carriage first and was approached by a Northern knight. Once Sansa, Bran and myself were clear of the carriage, I strapped my sword to my hip. 

Tyrion turned to Sansa and said, “These men will escort you to our king.” He then turned to me, “Ser, if it pleases you, join me for supper. I am in desperate need of fresh companionship and if I am honest, I have missed our time together.” 

It was an odd request. Sansa gave me a look like she was ready to save me, but I gave her a small shake of my head before answering, “Of course, my lord. Your invitation is too kind.”

I left Sansa and Bran with the Northern guard and dismissed Pod for the evening. Tyrion had indicated that he would have Pod join him tomorrow, and I followed Tyrion to the Tower of the Hand. It was all at once strange and comforting to be alone with Tyrion. Although I did not know what motivated him to dine with me, alone, but I knew that he was likely the best person to know about what happened during the siege and what had happened to Jaime. 

“I am glad you accepted my invitation, Ser.” Tyrion said as we climbed the steps, “We have… personal matters to discuss.” He seemed to read and confirm my thoughts.

As we entered there were servants already laying the table with plates of food. Tyrion shooed them out and closed the door behind them. “I feel like privacy will be better tonight.”

Anxiety clenched at my chest as I took a seat at the table. “This is too much.”

“No, it’s not. Eat, eat!” Tyrion poured out two glasses of wine. I picked at the food, trying to find words. Tyrion put a cup in front of me. “Tell me, Ser, how you have been?”

There was a heat on the back of my neck. Such a simple question and I did not know where to begin. “Well. The North is rebuilding.”

“That is good. I am glad to hear you have kept busy while remaining with Lady Sansa.”

I nodded, and ate some of a sweet chicken dish. Tyrion did not eat, he just watched me. He seemed uneasy, like he had things to say, but did not know where to start. Honestly, I was not ready to discuss Jaime with him so as I looked at him, I found somewhere else to start. “What happened during the siege? You messages were vague.”

He nodded, torn, but relieved “Hm, yes they were. Queen Daenerys and her dragon were quite successful in destroying the city defenses and main armies. Within minutes the city was ours. It was after the surrender that things went bad for us.”

I watched him and his eyes got quite dark. “What happened after the surrender?”

Tyrion drank. “We sent a small force into the Red Keep ahead of the siege.”

“Arya, the Hound and… Ser Jaime,” I interrupted. 

“Yes.” He said slowly not certain if I should know those details, “Arya disguised as Little Finger, Jaime as well Jaime and the Hound playing the role of rescuer to the two. They were to convince Cersei to surrender and they were seemingly successful. When the bells rang, the Queen flew Drogon to the keep. She did not wait for Jon or Greyworm before she entered. My understanding is that Cersei was brought before Queen Daenerys, and when she was close enough, well... No one had thought to check her for weapons.” I nodded unable to look at him. “Jaime… Jaime was apparently furious and somewhere in that murdered our sweet sister.” He paused and then said, “The dragon was lost to madness then and took half the city with it.”

He was silent then. I imagined then, the power of an untamed dragon, reeking havoc on the city. Tension gripped my heart and squeezed tightly, “And, Ser Jaime? What happened after?” I asked it softly. 

Tyrion seemed like he wanted to say something, but didn’t know how. He drank his cup and the right words found their way to him because he said, “After it was done, he pulled the child from Cersei’s womb, left the babe in Arya Stark's arms, and seemingly left the city. He has not been seen since.”

I sat back. “Their child lived?” I asked, forcing myself not to touch my own belly.

“She did.” He replied and drank. “She is strong for her premature birth and she has taken to a wet nurse, thank the gods.”

I nodded in agreement, “He is missing then?”

“Yes.” Tyrion seemed angry and bitter, “We don’t really know if he made it out of the city. We are still finding people… alive and dead.”

I felt my heart beat ticking in my neck and fear run cold down my back, “But, you don’t know that he didn’t?”

“He may be wandering out there somewhere, yes.” He watched me take this in.

“Where would he go?” I asked almost to myself.

Tyrion shrugged, "We can speculate all we want, but until he is found there is not much to do on the matter.”

“But, you have done something?”

“Yes, I have ordered the city guard to alert me if he is found within its walls, but I have also sent ravens to places he might go.”

I frowned, ‘Which places?”

“Casterly Rock... the Wall… Winterfell…” I blushed, “Tarth.” He finished and I didn’t think it was possible, but I blushed harder. 

My heart clenched, “Tarth? Why would he go to Tarth?”

Tyrion shrugged again, “For you.”

He said it almost tenderly, like he actually believed it, “He left me, my lord, even when I begged him to stay.”

“Truly?” he asked, “What a fool.” He observed me and said, “Speaking of things my brother has done to you, is that the reason you’ve stopped wearing your armor?” 

My cheeks burned painfully and I wondered why he didn’t just ask me out right, “It is warmer to wear leather and less dangerous in the North these days.” I replied, wondering why I didn’t just tell him out right.

“Is that so.” He said casually, not seeming to believe me.

“My lord?” I asked.

“You would not ride today.”

“My lady wished me to stay with her.”

“Your belt is synched looser than before-”

Anger erupted in me, “I don’t want to know why your observing my belt, but I sure hope there is a point to this.”

Tyrion raised an eyebrow, “It would seem, something has changed in you... for you.” He paused, “If my brother has left you something, please tell me. As his last kin, I will-”

“You will what?” I asked, nearly shouting and flushing harder. Embarrassment crept over me. 

“I would offer any help you need. Gold. A home.”

I could hear the sincerity in his voice and I worked hard to push away my anger, “I don’t need gold or a home, my lord. I serve my Lady Stark and I am well enough in my lodgings at Winterfell.”

“I don’t mean to offend…” 

I sighed, “I am not offended. Just... humbled... and shamed.” He looked at me, “You are not responsible for your brother.”

“Am I not? A Lannister always pays his debts.”

I fully turned to him and there seemed to be a twinge of nervousness at my sudden movement. “This child,” His eyes widened, clearly surprised to hear me openly acknowledge my condition. “This child is not your debt, my lord, as this child is of Tarth.” I paused again, “Your offer is appreciated, but I am well in Winterfell.” 

He nodded, “May I make a request then?” 

“Of course, my lord.” 

He sipped his wine, “When the little Tarthling arrives and you feel it is time, send them to me. I would very much like to meet them.”

I looked at him then, wondering what game he was playing or if he really did just want to know his kin. “I will consider your request.” I replied.

Tyrion laughed at me. “I await the verdict.”

***

The next morning I met with Sansa. She asked me about Tyrion and I told her what we had discussed the night before.

“You told him then?” She asked.

“I did, my lady, he had surmised as much, but well... truth be told, he would have found out one way or another. I’m not exactly getting smaller.”

She nodded, “True. It is a shame they have lost the Kingslayer.” 

“He will be found, my lady.” I said, almost daring the gods to keep him lost.

“We will see,” She said and began going through some papers on her desk. “Jon has made me Warden of the North.”

“That is expected,” I replied. 

“Yes, but he wishes to keep Bran here in King’s Landing.”

“As part of the small counsel?”

“Yes.” She replied, “Bran, Tyrion, Samwell Tarly and…” She paused and turned to me, “You, if you want it.”

I was surprised, “Me?”

“Yes, Jon has requested you as Lord Commander for his king’s guard.”

I did not know what to say, I had to sit. I put a hand to the hilt of my sword and a hand to my belly, the muscle beneath twitching. “I am very flattered, my lady.”

She watched me, “Yes, it’s a good offer.” There was sadness in her tone. 

“My lady?”

I watched her push something away, “You should consider it carefully.” She said evenly.

“I’m not sure there is much to consider,” Something flashed in her eyes, and I continued, “I am with child and I… I do not think-” 

Sansa cut me off, “If it’s what you want, Jon may be willing to overlook a child. He has for Samwell Tarly. He may even be willing to wait until after the babe is born to raise you to the position.” 

“And, what will I do with the babe while I serve my king? Leave it in the hands of a wet nurse? A stranger?” 

“Is that not the same in Winterfell?” She asked softly, seemingly uncertain.

“No,” I replied, “I know the people of Winterfell, my lady, I know the men, I know the women, I know the children. When I am serving my lady, my child will be with the ones I know best.” I paused and watched as relief flooded her face, I stood then and said, “I am also the sole heir to Tarth, my lady, and I have a duty to return there someday. I cannot forsake that duty nor the oath I made to you. I cannot be Lord Commander.”

She nodded, pleased by my words, “I will tell Jon when I see him that you will be staying with me.”

I nodded, “Thank you.”

***

Our time at King’s Landing passed quickly. The city continued to repair itself. Jon was crowned somberly, clearly unhappy with what fate dealt to him. Sansa was pleased, but always seemed uncomfortable in the Red Keep. I could hardly blame her, it was not a happy place for her.

No raven came from Winterfell or Tarth or Casterly Rock or any of the places Tyrion had named. Jaime had not been found in the city and I could barely shake the worry from the back of my mind. Especially as whispers began to follow me about the keep. My leathers no longer seemed to hide my changing features, but in fact, seemed to accent the size of my belly. What surprised me though, was how everyone seemed to know that it was Jaime who had sired the babe. “Kingslayer” was whispered just as often as “with child” and “bastard.” I ignored them as best I could, knowing we would soon leave this place.

It was around this time that the babe began to move quite a bit. It distracted me greatly for such a small thing, making it hard for me to concentrate on Sansa’s needs and would often keep me up at night. This was not helped by the aching in my hips and back, so I often found myself thinking of Jaime. Where did he go? When will he be found? I would pray sometimes to the Seven. Begging them to find him, keep him safe and send him back to me.

It was during this nightly disruption that I decided to see his daughter. I had wondered about the little one. I knew she was kept well, but I knew too well what it would be like for her. To be motherless. Jaime should have known, too.

In the early morning I made my way to the Hand’s tower where she was kept with her wet nurse. She was small, but very aware, nestled in a bundle of blankets. I could see Jaime in her small features. I could see Cersei. The girls eyes were beginning to darken and I wondered if they would be green soon. The wet nurse watched me hold her and as I handed her back she asked politely, “Your time must be coming soon? Will you be in need of a wet nurse, Ser?”

I shook my head, “No, I will be back in Winterfell long before then.”

She frowned, “Truly, Ser? You look further along than that.” 

I raised an eyebrow at her observations, “I am.”

She put the girl in a cradle and turned back to me, “As you like, Ser.”

There was something in her tone that made me think on her words. Clearly she saw something I did not and perhaps I should see a midwife or a maester. The only maester I knew in King’s Landing was Samwell Tarly and I did not like the idea of him. His nervous disposition was annoying and I did not have the patience. 

“Do you know a good midwife, madame?” I asked the wet nurse.

She was surprised by the question and promised to send the best that she knew to the castle. I thanked her and the next morning there was a knock at my chamber. I opened the door to a short old women. I was wearing a simple tunic over my trousers and she took this in with astute eyes. She barely came past my elbows as she entered the chamber. 

“I was told there was a pregnant knight.” She croaked as she dropped a bag on a nearby table. “I had to see it to believe it.” 

“Well… here I am.” I replied.

“Here you are.” She said in awe.

I closed the door and faced her. She looked me up and down with astute eyes. “When did you last bleed?” 

I blushed, but was grateful she wanted to get straight to it. “Um...five moons ago.” I answered despite feeling uncomfortable in my own skin.

She nodded, “You look further than that, are you sure?”

“Yes.” I replied impatiently.

She frowned at me, thoughtfully, “Lie on the bed, Ser, and lift up your shirt.” She commanded. 

I followed her instructions and I don’t know if it was her tone or her respectful use of my title, but I found myself on my bed rolling up my shirt. She pressed her cold hands into my belly. She was gentle and occasionally hemmed and hawed. She took an instrument from her bag placed it one end on my belly and the other end to her ear. It felt strange to lie there as she listened, but after a time she put that away.

“You may sit up.” I rolled down my shirt and awkwardly rocked myself into a sitting position. She waited patiently and when I was finally sat on the edge of the bed she continued. “The life of a knight must provide a healthy living as you seem to be doing quite well. Not all women can claim as much these days.” I nodded and prepared to stand before she put a hand up to halt me. “However, I must tell you that you will need to be more diligent. I have reason to believe you are carrying twins.”

I blinked dumbly, “Twins?” 

“Yes.” 

I sighed and put a hand to my belly, “Twins.” I repeated. Of course. Can I do anything small?

“Yes, Ser.”

“How do you know?” I asked, still not believing her.

She pulled the instrument out again and said, “This allows me to hear the babes. It’s not always very accurate, but if you know what to listen for, you can hear the heart beats.” 

“And, you can hear them?” 

“I can.” 

I only half listened after that as she went on about taking things easy and resting more. I finally managed to send her away and all I could do was stand there in silence. Twins. Twins. I sighed indignantly, I had to choose a Lannister. One was going to be difficult enough, but two? Two?! I paced a while until I finally sat on the bed. I wanted to be mad. I really wanted to be mad at Jaime, mad at myself, but I wasn’t really. I could raise two strong knights. I could do it.

***

We left King’s Landing, and I was relieved to be walking through the front gates of Winterfell. I stood with Sansa as the affairs of the North were presented to Sansa. She too was tired, but deftly responded to each piece of news, each thing that needed her immediate attention. When she finished, I joined her for supper in her solar. As we rested the twins began moving, kicking as was their way since we boarded the ship home. Sansa watched me shift uncomfortably, delighted for me. 

“If you like this so much, you should try it.” I said dryly.

“Oh no. I think not.” She laughed. “Not for a while anyway. I should focus on getting a husband first.”

“You’re already Warden of the North, you don’t need a husband.”

“We would make quite the pair. The South would never run dry of gossip.”

I laughed, “We live to serve the realm.” 

She laughed and seemed to be considering something, “Tyrion and I spoke a lot in King’s Landing… about… heirs.”

“Oh?” I asked. 

She nodded, “He was concerned about succession.”

I raised an eyebrow, “We just crowned our king.”

“We did, but it’s Tyrion’s job as the Hand to think about these things. If Jon refuses to marry and produce heirs, then by law Bran is next in line, but Bran seems unlikely to continue the line of succession past him, the burden falls to me.”

“That’s a lot to plan around.”

Sansa sighed, “Yes, to put it bluntly, Tyrion has offered to write to Dorne for me as well as many of the lords around the kingdoms. He would like this one thing to be secured.”

I shifted in my seat, “I think you have had enough of arranged marriages. I do not think it’s a good idea, my lady.”

“Agreed. I know it is my duty, but I cannot bear to marry again.” She paused, “At least not to a stranger.” 

I had not advice for her and the babes were kicking again, which perhaps even they sensed a change in subject was needed. I looked at Sansa, “They are kicking, do you want to feel?” I asked.

She brightened, “Yes.” 

She reached out and I took her hand, putting it to the small beats being drummed into my belly. There was a peacefulness about her as she felt the rhythm. “These are you future knights.” I said softly.

“And, if they’re girls?” She asked.

“These are your future knights, my lady.”

She laughed at my persistence and dropped her hand. “Thank you, Ser Brienne. I look forward to meeting them more formly.”

I left her and returned to my room, ready to be in my own space for the first time in months. Unlike the South, the Northerners that I passed barely noted my changed appearance. I was grateful for these small acts of respect, I had had enough of whispers. I entered my room and there was someone on my bed. It was hot and the light of the fire cast shadows over the stranger. He seemed half dead with a soft rattling breath that rose from his chest.

I pulled out my sword, loudly and with purpose. The breathing ceased, tension building between us.

“You have the wrong room.”

“I sure hope not.” His voice was raspy and I felt my knees quake. He sounded like that day back at Harrenhal. “Are you going to kill me?” Jaime asked breaking the silence.

“Let me look at you.” I whispered, not trusting my ears.

He laid there for such a long time I thought maybe he hadn’t heard me. However, he did rise. Slowly, he sat up like a rag doll, his head lolling a bit as he searched for strength. His hair was long now, his beard unkempt. His gold hand missing, the stumped wrapped in a dirty black cloth. He slouched forward and did not look at me, only at the floor. “You didn’t answer the question.” 

“Jaime…” He flinched at the sound of his name, “look at me.”

“What will I see?” He asked.

A knight? A friend? A lover? A mother? A million more identities flitted through my mind, “You tell me.”

His left hand brushed aside his hair as he looked up at me. He swallowed, seeming unable to really look. “A knight, Ser.” He looked away again. “You have a duty.”

I put my sword away and he flinched again at the sound. “What are you doing here?” I asked harshly walking in front of him, back turned, to hang my sword. I felt his eyes on me.

“You changed you’re armor... It doesn’t suit you.” He said, then mumbled, “You should shine.” 

“Answer the question, Ser.”

He took a shuddering breath, “I don’t know.”

“That’s not an answer!” I shouted, unable to contain myself. I heard him flinch again. 

He did not answer right away. I heard the rasping of his breath as I waited and finally he said, “I started for the Rock, but couldn’t...” He slid forward on the furs, I heard his feet touch the ground, “I needed to be warm again. Warm like summer.” I heard him stand, then stagger backwards, and he fell back down. “I am so cold.”

I turned to him and looked at him. He was looking at the floor again. “Stand up,” I ordered.

He closed his eyes and unsteadily stood. I stepped closer to him, he turned his face and clenched his eyes shut. I reached out for his left hand, it was freezing. I raised my other hand and brushed the hair from his face. He looked at me then, his eyes were dull and unfocused. We were so close I could smell the winter winds on him. I could smell the weeks of travel. Jaime teetered and I let go of his hand. He fell back into the bed, having passed out.

I called for a man and one came immediately. I sent him for the maester and the two returned with two more guards. They took Jaime from the room. The maester paused as the men carried him away, “Ser? Are you-”

I cut him off. “Once he is cleaned and checked bring him back.”

“Lady Sansa -”

I rolled my eyes, “Then put a guard on the door.”

“And, what about in the room?” Wolkan asked sternly.

“Look at him, he couldn’t hurt anyone like that.”

The maester sighed, but seemed to accept my stubbornness. I waited for two hours before he was carried back to my room. The men put him in bed, wrapped tight in the furs. The maester followed him in. “He is cold-touched and exhausted. Worst though, he is malnourished. Ser Jaime will need to rest for some time.”

We watched him sleep as I asked, “How did he get in?”

Wolkan sighed, “No one saw him enter, but there is an extra horse in the stables, untended and worn to the bone. He may have slipped in after your arrival.”

“I don't like that he could have just slipped in. Have the guard who was on watch report to me tomorrow.”

“Aye, Ser, but I must caution against leaving him here.” 

I looked at Wolkan and he held his ground well, “He stays with me.” I said sternly. 

“And, I must argue for all of your safety,” Wolkan replied.

I blushed, “He stays with me.” 

“As you wish,” he said disapprovingly and left. 

Jaime and I were alone then. He was asleep, breathing softly. I approached the bed and could see that frost had nipped at his cheeks. The skin was raw with red streaks.I brushed his frost bitten cheek with a thumb and wondered if he hadn’t been lost in the snow. I wondered why he came here and yet, at the same time, I didn’t care to know. He was here. He was alive. I put another log on the fire and undressed. I paused looking at Jaime in the bed. A voice in my head told me to find another room. To separate ourselves, but there was a yearning from deeper inside me. He was alive and he would stay with me.

I sat on the other side of the bed, still watching him. I shifted, minding my own bulk, pulling my corner of the furs over me. I laid my back to him and slept. I woke sometime later with his body shifting beside me. I could feel the bed pulling me back into him and a hand brushed up my spine, then down my shoulder blade and rested on my hip. I held my breath waiting for him to speak, but I only heard soft breathing behind me. I fell asleep again, his hand warm against me. 

When I woke once more, he was not touching me, yet I could hear him breathing softly beside me. I awkwardly and carefully freed myself, turning back only once I had stood. Jaime laid on his back, left hand resting on his chest. I prepared myself to attend Sansa. I practised in my head what I would say, the arguments I would make. As I passed through the door I noticed a guard standing watch. The maester had taken precautions then, which meant that everyone knew who was in my bed. 

Sansa was found in her solar, waiting for me. “The Kingslayer returns.” She said as I entered. I was silent and she went on, “I have heard he is sickly.” 

“It is true, my lady.”

“I hear he is in you bed.” There was disappointment in her tone. Perhaps bitterness? Anger? No, concern. 

I fought the urge to avert my eyes, “He is.” 

“After everything that has happened?” 

“After everything.” 

“Would you defend him, again?”

“Yes.”

Sansa sized me with her eyes, “Why?” I had no answer at first, only feelings. For all the things I had thought of, all the arguments, all the reasoning. I was left with nothing. I grasped at words I could not find. She sighed, “I feared as such.” She pulled from her table a scroll, sealed in black wax, “Jon charged me to return the Kingslayer to King's Landing should he make himself known to us.”

“His crimes?”

“Neglect. Neglect to check Cersei before allowing her in the presence of the Dragon Queen.” She paused, “And, kinslaying. I bear no love for Cersei and she deserved her end, but kinslaying is something else.”

“His actions favored the crown.” I said plainly, dumbly.

Sansa stared me down, “He was not asked to kill his sister. He was asked to negotiate her surrender. In his fumblings, he failed and lost Daenerys.”

I felt angry then, “You asked once if Ser Jaime was capable of making the right decision. It appears he did.”

“Only after his sister assassinated the Dragon Queen.” She threw back. 

“How could he have known? Cersei was heavy with child, how could he have known?” 

Sansa glared at me, “Because, as the twin of the Cersei Lannister, he should know her better than anyone. He should know she cannot be trusted.” 

“He didn’t know her like you. He trusted her. Foolishly, I know, but as her brother he trusted her. Just as you trust Arya or Jon or Bran.”

“We are not the same!” Sansa shouted. “Do not compare us, Ser.” 

I closed my eyes, pausing a moment, “But, you care for your family. You would do anything for them.” I looked up at her, “In that you are the same.” 

She huffed, “It doesn’t matter, it is out of my hands.”

“What will happen to him?”

Sansa put the scroll down, “Jon will hear him speak and then judge him.” 

I felt tears brimming, “Please, do not send him away. I just got him back, my lady.” 

Sansa softened at my plea. She stood and took my hands, “I am sorry, Ser. I know very well that we do not choose the people we love, but I will not disobey our king for that man.” The tears poured down my face then, and she watched me for a time and held my hand. Finally, she said, “Our king wants his justice, but you deserve your justice first.”

I frowned and wiped at my face, “My justice?”

“Yes, your justice.” She replied, “He owes you much and for this… for you, I will delay sending him until he is well again.” She paused, searching my eyes, “I hope that you find your peace.” 

***

I returned to my rooms late in the evening. It was a long day by Sansa’s side as she resumed her duties as Warden. Despite the emotional turmoil that raged in me, I had to stand by her and act as though all was well. I also met with the guard jaime had slipped past. I lectured the poor man for an hour after he claimed that no one saw Jaime enter the gates and that it would have been impossible to miss him. In the end there was no knowing how Jaime had been missed. So, I sent the man back with orders to double the gate guard.

I looked to the bed where the knight had been left and he was still there. He was still sleeping. He had not moved since this morning and relief washed over me. Exhaustion weighed me down as I removed my sword and leathers, and I really had no energy to fight with myself over Jaime. I laid down beside him again, on my side with my back to him. I feared to look at him. I could not look back or I would be lost.

Sansa’s words ebbed through my mind. Despite not understanding my feelings, she was giving me time. A dark thought twisted there. She is letting me have this time because she thinks it will be our last together. My thoughts were disrupted with a hand brushing the scars on the back of my shoulder. Four thick lines from a bear in a pit. The hand glided across my shoulder down to my spine, gently tracing it’s path. The hand pressing spirals up my back, lightly catching on any scars embedded in my skin. Gods, It felt good. 

“Why am I here?” He asked softly, breaking the silence.

I stared at the wall, it glowed in a red haze from the dying fire. I was not sure I truly heard him speak. “I commanded it.” I replied just as softly.

He laughed so hoarsely I wondered if it didn’t hurt. “Why?”

“Because, gods help me, I love you.”

His hand stopped. He pressed it lightly between my shoulder blades. “I’m sorry.” He said suddenly, “I’m so sorry.”

Tears pricked my eyes. “I know.”

He was quiet then until he said, “Look at me… Please.” 

His hand pulled away from my back freeing me to move. I rolled more gracefully than I had in weeks and found him searching for my eyes. His face looked thin in the light, gaunt and haunted, but his green eyes were so bright. They seemed to burn in his yearning. His hand reached up and he lightly brushed my cheek. “Look at you.” He whispered. His finger traced the line of my jaw.

“Why did you come back?” I asked. 

A small frown furrowed his brow. “Where else would I go?” He asked in return.

I closed my eyes, “Jaime...”

His hand trembled against my cheek. I opened my eyes and he was still staring at me, his eyes dancing with tears. I let the silence flood between us and in that time his hand travelled down my neck. His fingers gently brushing its shape. It travelled over my shoulder down my ribs to rest on my hip. There was a shifting in my belly, but Jaime did not seem to feel it. 

Despite all the things that needed to be said, I reached for his hand and moved it up. A thousand questions were pronounced in his face as he looked down between us. Almost as though they were paying attention, the babes moved more prominently. I could not read the expression that settled on his face. 

“Winter has agreed with you.” He said finally. 

I snorted, “I would not say it’s winter.”

He looked at me, half a smiled trying to break across his face, “Tormund, must be proud.” He quipped halfheartedly.

I punched him in the shoulder. In shock he laughed, but that laughter quickly turned into a coughing fit. He curled into himself, hacking out what sounded like his entire lung. I sat up reaching for his arm. “Jaime!”

He took several breaths and slowly suppressed the cough. He laid back in the bed, taking deep breaths. Jaime looked up at me and when he was settled he whispered, “Say my name again.” He reached for my hand.

“Jaime...” I said and intertwined our fingers. 

“Brienne.” He replied. “Beautiful Brienne.” The sincerity in his voice was so pure I could almost cry.

He pulled me towards him. Over him and as I sat over top of his waist I realized how much smaller he felt. I did not know if that was because I had grown or he had shrunk. He rested his right arm across my thigh and I brushed it with the tips of my fingers. Jaime let go of my right hand and placed his hand on my belly. He seemed transfixed by the movement under my skin. He traced its shape and I could not read his face, but I could see more clearly his ribs now, prominent under his skin. 

“Did you know?” He asked.

“Know?”

“About this?” His hand swirled around my belly, “Before I left?” 

“No,” I replied, “I didn’t know until after.” I paused and asked, “Would it have changed anything?”

Tears came to his eyes, but he blinked them away, “No.” He replied in raw honesty. 

I put my hand over his and held it against me. He looked up at me, “Why did you come back?” I asked.

He sighed and I watched a red flush creep down his neck, “I am better with you… I - My life was better with you.” He looked down to my belly again as one of the babes pushed against our hands. 

After a while I said, “You need to eat.” 

He did not look up, “Hm, I will eat. I will eat until I am round like my-” He stopped himself suddenly, uncertainty on his face.

I raised an eyebrow, “Round like what?” 

He smiled softly and looked up at me, “Round like my love, of course.”

I felt a blush in my cheeks and for a brief moment, I would allow him to tease me. We could have this small fun, “Oh? Who is that?”

He looked down again at my belly and began tracing once more, “Ser Brienne of Tarth, gods help _me_ , I love you.” 

I woke the next morning with Jaime wrapped around me. It was dark and fire spared little light. I unwrapped myself from him as gently as I could, but he woke mumbling something. I put some wood on the hearth and the fire began to quicken. I heard Jaime sit up behind me and when I turned, I saw he was watching me. I went to dress then, his eyes following my every move.

“Where are you going?” He asked.

“I have duties, Ser.” I replied, lacing my pants. 

“Duties? Now? She would make you serve in your condition?” 

“I make me serve in my condition. Lady Sansa would rather I rest.”

He brought his knees up and wrapped his arms around them. The blanket I noticed fell to his waist and I could see now just how thin he was. 

He spoke again. “You must be close to your time, you should rest.” 

“No, I have three moons yet.” 

“Three moons?” He looked me over.

“Yes.” I replied impatiently as I pulled my leather over my head. “I do believe you were there, or have you forgotten how to count?” 

He smiled and said, “Stay with me.” 

I looked at him, “Not today, Jaime. Rest, I’ll send Pod with food.” 

I strapped my belt to my hip and watched Jaime go from disappointed to struggling to control his laughter as I struggled to find a good fit. Trying not to giggle he asked, “Do you plan to serve until you can no longer cinch your belt?”

I smiled and rubbed my belly, ignoring his barbs. “We will see, I might just get a bigger belt.” 

He smiled broadly, “That child will push you out of service, Ser.” 

It was my turn to smile, “These children, _Ser_.” He blinked, “I’m carrying twins.” 

I left him there, dumbfounded, and heard him laugh out loud when I was half way down the hall. I did send Pod with food and the maester. When I reported to Sansa, she asked of Jaime’s condition and I reported honestly. 

“I have sent a raven to Jon confirming we have the Kingslayer.” She said. “I do not know how he will respond, but I did indicate he would need healing before he could travel again.”

“I understand, my lady, I do.” I said nodding, fear of out impending time table creeping over my spine. “Let me escort him when it is time.”

Sansa looked me up and down, “With respect, Ser, I am not sure that will be possible.” 

I blushed, “My lady-” I began.

Sansa waved her hand, “No, Ser, I will lock you in your rooms with ten guards if I must.” She sighed looking at me. “I shouldn’t even be letting you serve now.”

“My lady, I am perfectly capable of doing my duty.”

She raised an eyebrow at me, “I do not doubt your enthusiasm, but I cannot abide letting you push yourself like this.” 

Gods, was there a raven sent around the castle? I sighed, “I have yet to truly push myself. I promise you.”

Sansa shook her head, “Nor will you test your limits. As my sworn sword I order you to rest, when you have delivered your babes into this world safely, we will discuss your return to my side.” 

“My lady-”

She gave me such a look that I froze mid sentence, “Do not argue with me, Ser.”

I sighed, “I do not mean to argue, but I still wish to serve.”

It was her turn to sigh, “My dear Brienne of Tarth, if you do not take your leave gracefully, or I will have those ten guards assigned to you.”

She sent me away then and I stomped back to our rooms where I found Jaime, dressed in clothes too large for his new size, sitting in a chair eating at the table. Pod must have already been by as there was a bowl of broth and a large hunk of bread on the table. Jaime stopped eating and tried to stand. 

“Eat, Jaime.” I said and he sat back in the chair. 

“I thought you had duties.” he replied, tearing a piece of bread in half.

"Lady Sansa has relieved me of my duties.” I replied as I unbelted my sword.

“Is that so.” Jaime said softly. I ignored him. He’s back for two days and suddenly he knows what’s best. I unstrapped my leather and pulled it off. He seemed unphased as he asked, “Will you sit with me?” 

“No, I wish to work.” I replied with a sigh. The babes were kicking again and I was already over the excitement of it all.

“Sit, Ser, and eat.” Jaime commanded, he almost sounded like himself. I sat down slowly, awkwardly across from Jaime.

“Three more moons, hm?” He asked not looking at me as he tore up his hunk of bread and dipped it into a bowl of broth.

“Yes, I have been told the babes will get bigger yet.”

Jaime nodded a small smile on his face, “Then you need to eat.” He replied sliding the other half of his bread to me. 

“If I eat anymore, it will take you and Podrick to lift me from this chair.” I said a little too bitterly.

“That’s why I’m eating.” He quipped.

“Is that so, Ser?” I asked, trying to hide a smile. 

“Hm, indeed.” 

I laughed and slid the bread back to him, “Well then you’re going to need all the food you can get.” 

He laughed at me and nodded in agreement. He ate a few bites before he said, “Tell me of Winterfell.” 

“There is not much to tell. We can put our full focus into rebuilding now that the war is over.”

He nodded and continued eating. I watched him silently knowing there were things that needed to be said. ”I should write to Tyrion.” He said, “He’ll be worried.” 

“Sansa has already sent a Raven to King’s Landing, he will know soon enough.” I replied as anxiety clenched at my heart.

He grunted, “Gods, he will be unbearable when he finds out I came back here.” 

He was trying so hard to be normal, to pretend like nothing had happened and so much had happened. “We have to talk.” I blurted out.

Jaime’s face fell, “Oh?” 

“The king has requested that we send you to stand before him.”

“And, which king is that?”

“Jon Snow.”

He frowned, “Why would you make him the king?”

“I didn’t make him king. It’s his by birthright. He is the son of Rhaegar Targaryen.”

Jaime blinked several times, processing this. “Oh.” It was all he seemed capable of saying. Jaime did not say anything for a long time, seemingly thinking on this news. “I knew Rhaegar. Not well, but I knew him.” It was my turn to blink. Of course he did, Jaime was king's guard to the Mad King. Then softly Jaime added, “Jon is a true Stark though.” He reached his hand across the table. I grasped it with my own as he looked down into the fire. “When do I stand before our _king_?” Was all he asked, with a splash of sarcasm on king. 

“When you are fit to travel.” 

His eyes widened and he began brushing the back of my hand with his thumb. He smiled a little, “Then I should slow down.”

“Jaime...” 

“I don’t want to go.” He said, softly.

I looked into his eyes and felt a desperate need to give in to the plea, but I knew I could not. I had to make him see that he couldn’t either. “You will recover as quickly as possible. You will go to King’s Landing. You will stand before the king, and satisfy his questions. And, when all of that is done, you will claim your daughter, you will name her and you both will return home to us.”

His thumb stopped moving, “You know then?”

“Yes, I spoke with Tyrion.”

Jaime snorted, “When?”

“When I accompanied Lady Sansa and Lord Bran to King’s Landing for the coronation.”

Jaime frowned, “What else did he tell you?”

“He told me everything.” I replied.

“Everything?” 

I frowned now, “Yes, Jaime, everything.”

“He told you about… about…” He couldn’t seem to find the words. 

“Cersei. Yes.” 

Jaime pushed himself from the chair and swayed a moment, the momentum of standing up too quickly weighing him down. He caught himself. There was a great tension about his shoulders as he began pacing. “I didn’t check her for weapons because she never carried before. She was heavy with child and I didn’t think… I didn’t think.” He suddenly confessed. 

I watched red begin to line his eyes as he tried to hold back tears. “You don’t have to talk about this now. I just needed you to know your situation” I said. 

He closed his eyes and I could see his neck turning a shade of red. He looked at me then, “Yes, I do. I owe you this. I left you here, begging me to stay and this is what happened when I didn’t- This is what happened when I let her poison me.” I gave him a small nod and he continued, “She assassinated the Targaryen queen and I was filled with such a rage. Not for the Targaryen, but because Cersei just ruined any chance she and our child could make it out alive. I didn’t think. I just- I just grabbed her. I grabbed her by the throat with my golden hand and it snapped. It snapped so easily it could have been a twig.” He took a shuddering breath. “I dropped her. I dropped her.” He could not hold back the tears anymore and they trailed slowly down the anger in his face. “I panicked. I killed her. I had killed them both. My last child and I failed to protect them,” He inhaled through his teeth, “But, then I remembered a maester once say that children close to their birth, could be cut from their mothers. So, I cut her open. It was more difficult than I thought. The womb is a surprisingly strong muscle.” I put a hand to my belly remembering the day I first felt the muscle of my womb, lying in the bed that stood between us. “But, the child wasn’t breathing. I had to wipe away so much blood until… Until finally she did. Shrieking so loudly it provoked the dragon. The Stark girl cut the cleanest part of Cersei’s skirt and I let her wrap the babe within it. She offered her back to me, but I couldn’t… I couldn’t take her. I couldn’t hold her. I left her there with Arya, with the Hound. I just ran.” He broke then, tears flowing fast and free as he slid down the wall, “And, I watched from outside the walls as that dragon turned the city to ash... It was my fault. My fault.”

I swallowed, not knowing what to say. I watched as his confession burned through him and sobs racked his body. His guilt was real. I could see the remorse flowing out with his tears. He killed his sister, but saved his daughter. A life for a life, the gods may call it fair, but would mortals be so kind? Could I be so kind? Slowly, I stood and walked over to him. I held out my hand, “Come on, get up.” He ignored me, crumpled into himself shaking. I kicked him softly and he looked up at me. “Take my hand,” I said quietly. He did and I helped him to stand. I put my hands on either side of his face and wiped his tears away with my thumbs. “What is done is done. Now you must make things right.” I felt him nod. “Come on, it’s time to rest now.” I said.

“What are you doing? I murdered my sister.”

“But, saved your daughter.” 

He looked up at me and I was taken back to that night at the gate. The night he left. He had the same look in his eyes now. “How can you bare to look at me? To touch me?” His hand came up and grabbed onto my wrist. “Can’t you see what a hateful, spiteful little man I am?” 

I brushed the tears from under his eyes, “That is not what I see.” I replied. 

He stepped closer to me, his thin body brushing against my swollen one, “What do you see, Ser?”

“A knight, Ser.”

He cried in my hands for a time, and eventually, I led him to the bed where we laid down together. He slept readily enough. His body was weak and his mind in turmoil. I watched him sleep, thinking about his words. I felt torn with him. I was happy. I was angry. I was disappointed and I couldn’t decide if it made any difference that he felt the same. I sighed and brushed the hair from his face wondering what atonement he could make that would bring us redemption. I could not think of one.

***

Time began to pass quite quickly between the two of us. He did not speak again of what had happened in King’s Landing, but seemed to focus on recovering for me. We would eat in the early morning together and when Jaime felt ready, he attempted to train with the men in the mornings. They were not kind to him and pushed him to his limits, but he took it well, refusing to show them his irritation. Eventually, Pod took pity, though he would never tell Jaime that, and offered to spar with him at night. Often I would watch them slash at each other with wooden staves. Jaime was certainly not at full strength, but he held well against the young squire. After they would finish a set for the night, Jaime had nothing to say but praise for the young lad. 

I watched him regain his strength, his balance and agility. We were growing together, my belly was getting ever larger and his body building new muscle. We were remembering what it was like to live together again. One night I had returned to our rooms without him. My hips were sore from the weight of the twins, the weight of the sword I refused to put down, and the wandering through which I subtly checked on Winterfell's well being. I sat on the end of the bed and had to lay back to relieve the pressure. As I laid there, I tried to massage out the pain. As I did so, I heard the door open and close.

“What are you doing, Ser?” Jaime asked.

“My hips hurt.” I replied.

“You could stop wearing that damn sword for a day or two.”

“But, I can’t stop carrying these babes.” I replied, drily, as if the sword was the only problem. I heard him walk over to the bed and felt him kneel down in front of me. His hand was on top of mine. He began to press into the muscle. I let him take over, his hand moving from one hip across to the other. His hand was strong again and callused. I moaned softly as his fingers worked the muscle. And, then he was suddenly pulling at the strings of my pants. 

“What are you doing?” I asked, with a sense of familiarity.

“These are in the way,” he said pulling at them. 

“Is that so?” I asked.

“Yes, he replied, successfully loosening them.

He tugged at the pants now, “Are these in the way as well?” I asked. 

“Yes,” He replied sternly. 

I sighed and lifted myself so he could pull my pants away. He stripped them quickly and ran his hand up my calf. He gently pushed my legs open and his mouth was on me. I gasped in surprise. He paused, “Is this okay?” 

“Yes,” I breathed out.

He worked at me then. His tongue as deft, quick, slow. He carved into me patterns that brought shivers down my spine. He sought the sweetest spots and applied himself to them. I gasped as he teased me, building me up. A warm of pleasure rolled over me, surging through me. Bliss rose up and I shuddered as he finished me. Heavy-lidded I opened my eyes to see Jaime, glowing in the fire light, standing over me.

He had cut his hair and shaved. Breathing heavily, I slid further into the bed. He was taking off his shirt. It had been a long time since I had seen him so clean cut. He was pulled at the strings of his pants now, his eyes on mine. They were bright in this light, a smile behind them. He was kicking off his boots now. I pulled my shirt up over my head. When I could see again, Jaime was standing naked before me.

He knelt onto the bed and crawled forward over top of me. His flat stomach brushed my large belly. His face was over mine, I raised a hand up to touch its smoothness. I brushed his lips with my thumb and he kissed it lightly. I ran my hands through his short hair and Jaime leaned in. He kissed me as my hands trailing down his neck and back. He kissed me again, soft, tender. Then he kissed my cheek, then my neck, then my collarbone and then my breasts. I gasped softly. He slid his hand behind me and gracefully rolled us so that he was lying on the bed and I was straddling him. He slid his hand down my back to rest it at the curve. He looked up at me like I was the world. Jaime was hard beneath me, I rose up briefly and then drew him within me, settling myself over his hips. He moaned softly, pressing his hand into my back. We moved together, symmetry in our desires. He was gentle under me and held himself well. He worked until I shuddered above him in pleasure before he found his sweet release. 

After I laid beside him, trying to catch my breath. He watched me and held my hand, “Was it too much?” He asked concerned. 

I shook my head, “No, since the babes have gotten bigger I sometimes can’t breathe as deeply.” 

He looked at me, worried, “Is that common?” 

I shrugged, “I don’t know. I’ve never been pregnant before.” 

Jaime sat up, still holding my hand. “It suits you.”

“What does?” I laughed, “Big bellied and gasping for breath?”

“And big tits, forced to lie in my bed.” He teased.

“Ser, you forget.” I replied, “This is my bed.” 

“Oh. Right.” He paused giving me a crooked smile, “That’s even better. I can be your kept man. Warm your bed, bring you wine, massage your aches.” 

I laughed and put my other hand to my belly as the babes began to move, “I think you’d get bored.”

“Never.” He said, suddenly serious. “Never when I am with you.” I didn’t know what to say to that. I just cried. I was so overwhelmed. I could see panic in Jaime’s face, but I couldn’t stop crying. “Ah Brienne,” He said and kissed my the palm of my hand, “I’m so sorry, don’t cry. Please don’t cry.” That just made it worse. I was overcome with all the anger and sadness and happiness that this stupid man brought into my life.

“You can’t just say something like that!” I shouted through the tears.

He held my hand to his chest, “You are my Evenstar, you are everything to me.”

I pulled my hand away and pushed myself up gracelessly, rocking back and forth until we were at eye level. “You left me, Jaime.” He looked ashamed, “Don’t say words you cannot mean.”

A red flush blossomed across his neck, “I do mean them.” He said angrily.

“But you left. You didn’t have to go and you did! And, I don’t know what that means except that... I will never be Jaime Lannister’s first choice.”

He looked at me, angry, ashamed, and then hurt. He leapt from the bed and strode to the door. As he neared the door, he turned on his heel in his full naked glory, his face painted in pain. “You are my first choice. When I armored you, when I put a sword in your hand. I knew that no matter where you walked I was there in some way. I left selfishly, hatefully, but Brienne of Tarth, Ser, you are my first choice.” He paused and I was stunned, “Always.” He said, his eyes borrowing into my soul.

I took him in, but I felt a pressing question. A question that needed to be answered. “Why?” I pressed.

He walked back, “I dreamt of you.” He sat on the bed. “You give me purpose.”

I was crying again. He sat closer to me and took my hand, and just let me cry. Eventually he laid down and pulled me into him and I continued to cry. When the tears waned, he helped wipe them from my face, ran his hand through my hair and whisper, “You are my Evenstar. I will follow you the rest of my days.” He kissed my temple. “Whether you ever forgive me or not.” I slept then, falling deep into nothingness.

I woke the next morning still lying against him. The babes were moving, kicking my ribs. Jaime was already awake, or maybe he never slept. He was watching me with his hand on my belly, “They move so much.” He said softly.

“They do.” I replied.

He brushed my cheek, “Brienne…”

“Yes?” 

He looked down at my belly and put his hand to the movement underneath. “I cannot change the past.” He said, “I have been selfish and stupid, and for that I am sorry.” I was quiet, but he didn’t seem to mind. “I am well enough to go now…” He finished quietly. His thumb began brushing against my skin, he looked deep in thought.

“I know.” I replied. I could tell from his tone that he was doing this for me, or at least we were willing to do this for me.

He sighed, “There is something I would like to do before I see our king.” 

“Oh?” I asked as dread crept through my body.

“I was awake all night thinking about it and I meant what I said.” His hand went to my hip and drummed on it with his thumb searching for something as he stared up at the ceiling. Finally he looked down at me, “I am not in a position to ask anything else of you, but at the very least I hope you consider it.” I waited, not saying anything, “I was wondering if I might wear your cloak?”

I blinked and he watched me try to understand. I pushed myself up on one arm and looked down at him, “You want to borrow my cloak?”

“No,” he replied, “I want to wear it.” 

“Jaime…” I sighed and I laid back down, resting my head on his arm. The emotions from last night were waking and I had to rub my eyes. 

“Brienne…” He said patiently. There was something in his voice and I couldn’t place it. “What I mean is that I want to marry you, Brienne.” 

“Oh.” I paused. 

He blushed, “I was trying to be sweet.” 

“Yes.” I said before any other thoughts clouded my mind. 

“Yes, it was sweet?” 

I looked at him, “Yes, you can wear my cloak.” 

He kissed my forehead. We laid there in the darkness of the early morning and when he fell asleep, I rose and dressed.

I found Sansa in her solar, already beginning the days work.

“Ser?” She asked as I entered.

“Ser Jaime is ready to go South.” I replied, trying not to blush, “He seems to have his strength back.”

She nodded, “That is good. It will be better for him if he goes willingly.” 

“I have no doubt.” I replied, trying to figure out how to begin the next part.

“There’s a ship leaving for King’s Landing in ten days time.” I frowned, so she clarified, “We are sending them supplies, you see. He will go with them.”

“Very good, my lady.” I replied, feeling more awkward by the minute.

When she noticed she stopped what she was writing and gave me her full attention, “What is it?”

“He wants to marry me before he goes.” I said, embarrassed.

Sansa frowned slightly, “Do you?”

“Yes.” 

She sighed and tapped her fingers on the chair, “For the babes? I can petition Jon to legitimize them if that’s your concern.”

I shook my head, “No, my lady, for me.” 

Sansa looked at me thoughtfully, “He is doing this for you, isn’t he?”

“Yes. He means to prove himself worthy.” 

“That’s not the Kingslayer I know.” She said plainly.

“With respect, my lady, you do not know Ser Jaime.”

There was surprise in her face then, “Perhaps I don’t, Ser.” She went back to work, “He will have to leave the day after tomorrow if he is to go with the supply ship.”

I nodded, “That doesn’t leave us much time.”

“It leaves us no time. I will speak with the maester, we will have this done tomorrow.” She said with finality.

This seemed too easy, “Tomorrow?” 

She looked up at me, “Only if you want to.”

It was a test of my resolve, “Of course, my lady, tomorrow it is.”

I left her there and returned to find Jaime still sleeping as I sat down with quill and ink. If I was going to marry Jaime tomorrow then I needed to write to my father. He had sent me to be a bannerman to Renly Baratheon and somehow I ended up a sword to the Starks, pregnant and marrying a Lannister. I was rolling the letter when Jaime woke. 

“What’s that?” He asked, as I sealed it. 

“A letter to my father.”

“Lord Selwyn?”

“Who else?”

Jaime got out of bed and began dressing, “Where did you go this morning?”

“To speak with Lady Stark about your proposal.”

He scoffed, “You don’t need her permission to marry.”

“But as her sword, I do need her support and trust.”

“She doesn’t like me.”

“For good reason.” 

He paused, struggling with the laces of his clothes. After a moment he turned to me, “Help me, please.” I stood and tied them. He used the opportunity to kiss my cheek.

“What did she say?” He asked tentatively.

“That she would have the maester marry us tomorrow.” 

He laughed, “Oh? That was not what I expected.” He looked at me, “You told her I am ready to see the king.”

I nodded, “Yes,” I looked into his eyes then. “She is expecting you to leave the day after tomorrow for King’s Landing.”

He cupped my face with his hand. There was acceptance in his face. There was fear there, too. He was trying so hard to prove himself, “She thinks I won’t return.”

“I fear so.” The words came unbidden. When all was said and done, Sansa was allowing this marriage for my comfort and I hadn’t dared to think it in her presence, but she perhaps did hope that Jaime would not return.

He kissed me, “I will be back. Watch me.”

***

The next day as the sun set we stood before the heart tree wearing nothing special. There were no cloaks, no special decorations, just a surprisingly warmer day. Sansa and Pod witnessed as the maester led us through the words. _Father. Smith. Warrior. Mother. Maiden. Crone. Stranger. I am his and he is mine. From this day until the end of my days._ Podrick cried when Jaime kissed me and seemed happier than anyone else. 

Wolkan made a note in his book as he said, “I will record this properly, Ser Brienne of House Lannister.”

“No.” Jaime said suddenly. 

I was a little taken aback. “No?” I repeated.

He shook his head. “It should always be Ser Brienne of Tarth... and Ser Jaime of Tarth.” He looked at me with eyes shining in sincerity, “I told you, I wanted to wear your cloak.” I saw Sansa glance at the maester, surprised. I smiled and kissed him.

The maester nodded, “It is not tradition-” 

Jaime turned to the maester, “Fuck tradition. I will wear my lady knight’s cloak.”

Wolkan laughed, astonished, then and repeated quietly as he made the note, “Fuck tradition.” 

We ate that night in the hall with the others. I sat beside my husband, Pod across from us. Jaime’s hand rested on my belly as we all laughed and told stories. It was amazing to see him so comfortable, like he was before he left. It was strange to feel normal again. To feel nothing about the world outside this moment, this time. When most had left the hall, Sansa joined us as well. 

Jaime rubbed my belly protectively as he said, “Ah, my lady, what a surprise.” 

She smiled at him, “And, still not the most surprising twist of the day, Ser Jaime of Tarth.”

He smiled broadly, “Well, I really think blue suits me.”

Sansa nodded, “It truly does, Ser.”

We walked back to our rooms, hands intertwined. It was quiet in the castle and I tried really hard to make sure I remembered this moment. The moment my husband kissed me on the neck as I opened our door, or as he undressed me or as he lay with me. 

He woke me early the next day, kissing me tenderly. He pulled me over him and took his time working his hips underneath me. I dragged my nails down his shoulders, down his arms and across his forearms. I rocked my hips in circles, closing my eyes and listening to him moan as I pulled him in deep. He was quickly spent after that, taking a moment to exalt in our efforts. He looked up at me, heavy eyed and put his hand between us, beckoning at me. He pulled himself up to me as close as my body would allow. His hand was strong and knew me well. He worked at me until I shuddered in his hand, spent and content. He traced kisses across my collarbone as I sat back in his lap, bringing my hands up to his face. I kissed both his eyes and then his mouth. Jaime wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his head against my chest. 

He lowered me gently into our bed and wrapped himself around me. He caressed my back as we lay in each others arms. We stayed like this for as long as we could, until Pod knocked on the door and we had to let go. Jaime kissed me at the gate and unlike the last time we parted here, there were no words.

***

It was lonely at night without him and I was growing more uncomfortable with my body. Every night was spent trying to find a decent position, while attempting to ignore all the movement in my belly. The days were easier, but barely. Maester Wolkan began insisting that I stay in my bed. This would not do, I could not mindlessly sit in a bed waiting for my children to present themselves. As compromise I set up a chair above the yard where I would sit and watch Pod drill our men. Wolkan rolled his eyes at me, but found the solution acceptable, more so when Sansa would join me.

That’s where I was the day that Sansa had news from King’s Landing. I watched Pod train in the yard. He had been steadily improving up until now, but lately he seemed unchallenged and I really wished I could test his skills myself. I let out a frustrated sigh and wondered when I would be free to do so.

“Ser?” Sansa called to me. I turned to her and could only manage a head bow for Sansa. I could see her holding back a smile as she continued, “Would you walk with me?”

I nodded, relieved for an excuse to stretch my legs, “Of course.”

I followed her in silence. She spoke again when we were alone in the godswood, “Tyrion has sent a raven.”

“About Jaime?”

“Yes, he has arrived at King’s Landing safely." 

I could feel the tension from Sansa, “And?”

“Jon saw Ser Jaime immediately.”

I felt panic surging through my body and a slight tightening around the twins, “My lady, please don’t leave me in suspense.”

Sansa nodded, “Tyrion wrote saying that upon hearing Jaime’s changed name, Jon decided that a private trial was needed without delay.”

“I don’t understand, there is no such thing as a private trial.”

“I know,” Sansa replied, “At the time of Tyrion’s writing Jon, Bran and Ser Jaime were still behind closed doors.”

I sighed, “This is no comfort.” 

“No, it’s not.” 

We walked for a time in silence before I asked, “After hearing his name changed? You mean taking my name?”

She smiled, “Apparently, it’s a bit unusual.”

I laughed more out of nervousness then actual delight, “Indeed.”

We fell into silence again, taking the turn at the castle wall when Sansa said, “There is something more I wish to discuss with you. It may provide a distraction and I would hear your counsel.”

“My lady?” I asked, thankful for any distraction. Jaime’s fate lay in the balance, or had laid in the balance? It would have taken days for the raven to arrive. Whatever came of this private trial, it was done.

“I wrote to Tyrion explaining that I appreciated his efforts, but I did not want another marriage to a stranger.”

“And, what did Lord Tyrion say to this?”

“He responded with reminding me that the future of the realm needed to be secured.”

I sighed, “Did he provide an alternative?”

She bit her lower lip, “He has offered his own hand in marriage.” 

I raised my eyebrows, “He what?”

Sansa stopped walking and turned to me, “He mentioned that he is also wary of marrying a stranger as he feels responsible for continuing the Lannister line since Ser Jaime is now with your house. He may have suggested that we marry and split our heirs between the two houses.”

“I’m sure he was joking.” I replied.

“Oh he truly was, but it has me thinking. If Ser Jaime can take your name, why couldn’t we do something similar?”

I was at a loss for words and my feet were beginning to hurt. My back ached as I asked, “My lady, may we find a place to sit?”

“Of course,” she said and led me to her solar.

We did not speak again until I was settled in a chair and Sansa had closed the door behind us. 

I rubbed my back and said, “It would be convenient.”

She nodded, “It would and I am fond of Tyrion.”

“But, the Northern lords may not appreciate a Southern interloper.”

“We have a Northern king.”

I nodded, “And, these potential heirs, where will they be raised? In Winterfell? Or, King’s Landing with their sire?”

I watched Sansa hold back a glare as she replied, “I would have to discuss that with Tyrion.”

“Indeed, and if you decide to raise them at Winterfell, they will be without their father and if you decide to raise them in King’s Landing, they will be without their mother.”

“I know.” She said.

“That is hard on children.”

“I know that, too.” She sighed, “There are ways around it. We could find time to be together as a family.”

“Then one or both of you would be away from your station for a time.”

“I suppose.”

I drummed my fingers on my belly, “What I know of the two of you is that you both love your families deeply and that you would insist on having your family close to you in the way that your parents raised you.” She listened intently, “What you propose can fit into this way of life, but sacrifices from you and Lord Tyrion will have to be made.” 

“But, you think it can be done?” 

I nodded, “Yes, more so if one of you gave up your position.”

Sansa frowned then, “You mean me.”

I shrugged, “Traditionally, yes, you would have to be the one to do it. Especially once you are actually with child.”

“That is a fine thing to come from you.”

“Indeed,however, a someone once said, ‘Fuck tradition.’” 

Sansa laughed, “Fuck tradition…”

“My lady, if I may speak plainly?”

“Of course, Ser.”

“If this is an arrangement you wish to pursue, then perhaps Lord Tyrion should give up his position of Hand. Pass it to Lord Bran. Then once he is free he may join you here. He could have one of his capable cousins stand-in for him at Casterly Rock until one of your progenies are ready to take it.”

Sansa was silent for a moment, thinking, “I will write to Tyrion and await his response.” She paused and then said, “I have another issue to discuss.

“Oh?”

“When will you return to Tarth, Ser?”

She surprised me with the question, “Are you tired of me already?” I teased.

“No, no. It’s just that I was prepared for this war to last longer than it has and as such your services are wanted, but not needed. I had wondered how long you intend to stay.”

“I’m not certain, my lady. It depends wholly on my father, but not for a time yet. It is my inheritance, but my father is likely in good health.”

“Does he know about…”

I laughed and spread my hands to emphasis my words, “This?” Sansa laughed too, “I wrote to him before Jaime left, but I have not received a reply. He should know by now.”

“How do you think he will take it?”

I sighed and put a hand to my large belly. The babes moved energetically below. “Bittersweet,” I finally said, “He will be pleased to know I am a knight in a good position with an honorable house. He has always admired you Starks and always spoke well of your father. He will likely be happy to know I have married a high-born lord, but less so to know that it is a Lannister. Especially, the Kingslayer.” I paused and Sansa waited for me to continue, “Then again, I am with child and have successfully secured the seat of Tarth. We have an ancient line and I think my father worried it would end with me.” 

“Truly bittersweet then.”

“I honestly don’t mind it. I have made for myself a better life than the one he tried to arrange for me and for that I am happy.”

Sansa smiled, “I agree, Ser.”

***

My time was soon approaching, which meant that Maester Wolkan was visiting me daily. He began insisting I stay in bed and had Podrick hold me there. When Pod was unavailable, Sansa would sit with me and I was amazed at the effort they all made to keep me confined. During one of the maesters visits, Sansa had arrived early. She slipped in as Wolkan was holding a knotted string against my belly, measuring it for his notes. Wolkan frowned at me as he wrapped the cord around his hand.

“You seem to be carrying lower today.” He said.

I looked down and it did seem so, but from my perspective it was a little hard to tell, “Should I be concerned?”

“No, it’s common for women late in their pregnancy.” He replied. Anxiety pulsed at my temples. I was not ready for the next part. He nodded, “Stay rested, I’ll be back tomorrow.” He said. He gathered his things as I dropped my overly large shirt over my belly. Wolkan turned to Sansa, “My lady.” Then left the room.

I sighed and rubbed my aching back, “You’re early,” I said to Sansa as I waddled back to my bed.

“There’s been another raven.” She said softly.

“Oh.” I lowered myself slowly onto the bed as Sansa pulled up a chair to that side. She waited until I was settled before she pulled a scroll from her waist coat.

“It’s from Tyrion… about Ser Jaime.”

“Took him long enough to write.”

“It was a long deliberation.” 

“What does it say?" 

She unrolled the scroll and read, “Ser Jaime will not be held for the death of Daenerys Targaryen, but he is guilty of the murder of our sister, Cersei Lannister.”

“His punishment?” I asked.

Sansa read on, “He will have no titles, hold no lands. He shall join no army, guard or brotherhood. He is banished from the joust and shall never enter a tourney. He shall have no fame, no glory by his sword.” She paused, “Ser Jaime Tarth is sentenced to stand by the side of his Ser wife, to serve by her side, under her command. Should he fail her, his life is forfeit.” 

A hand came up to my face as tears pricked my eye, “Oh thank the gods.” I said quietly.

Sansa rolled up the note, “Jon has been merciful.” 

“He is too kind.” I replied.

“I suspect he will be returning to serve you then.” Sansa said taking my other hand and laughing. 

I laughed through my tears, “What kind of punishment is that?” 

Sansa shrugged, “Not a punishment, but an opportunity to prove himself changed.”

My back tensed painfully and I shifted through the discomfort. “An opportunity.” I repeated through my teeth. 

“Are you alright, Ser?” Sansa asked.

“Fine, just my back. It is tired from carrying all this weight.” I said gesturing to my front half.

She hid a smile and said, “Should I let you rest? I brought a book to read, it’s about Duncan the Tall. I believe he is a relation of yours.”

“He was,” I replied, “Please, my lady, stay and read.” 

She did, she sat with me most of the day and read the tales. It was hard to focus as my back continued to roll in aches, but overall I found the stories entertaining. Sansa excused herself after Pod arrived with our supper. He sat with me at the small table as we ate and he told me of his day, mostly his training. He hardly needed my advice anymore, but he still asked about strategy and footing. It was a sweet distraction. He left me when after he tucked me into my bed and felt assured I wasn’t going anywhere, but to sleep. I didn’t know what worried him so much, I was very tired. I was always tired these days

The back pain continued through the night, making sleeping next to impossible. It would surge and disappear like slow a crashing wave. When I did finally sleep, I was awoken some hours later by a gushing sensation from between my legs. I cursed myself wondering if I had not woken in time to urinate, but realised quickly that that was not the case. My back muscles seized as I threw back the covers and through gritted teeth I noted that the wet spot under me could not be urine. 

There was a knock and, thank the gods, Pod entered. “Ser, I have some warm bread-”

“Pod.” I interrupted.

He stopped, “Ser?”

“Fetch the maester.”

Pod did not need telling twice. He dropped the plate on the table and ran from the room. As I waited the intensity of my back pain ramped up. It spread down into my abdomen. The muscles cramped sharply and then released me. I hissed out a breath and fell back into my pillows as Pod returned with the maester.

“Good morning, Ser. What can I do?”

“I think it is time maester. I have back pain all night, cramping and there’s- there is- the bed is wet.” I said gesturing to the bed beneath me. 

He nodded and confirmed, “Ah. Your waters broke, they are coming.” He rolled up his sleeves and turned to Pod. “I will need hot, clean water and lots of clean linens!” He turned back to me as Pod dashed from the room again. “I will have to examine you, Ser.” I nodded and, he began helping me unlace my pants. He gently pulled the garment off me and said, “Knees up, Ser.” 

I did as I was told and he began his examination. Pod returned with two serving maids who immediately put a kettle of water over the hearth. Pod averted his eyes, blushing fiercely as he placed two buckets of water by the door.

Without looking Wolkan called Podrick, “More wood on the fire, Pod and leave us when you’re done.”

“No!” I cried as a new pain began to wrap around my abdomen, “I want him to stay with me, please.”

The maester nodded. “As you wish. Pod, the fire then stand over there by your knight.”

The pain tightened around the babes and relinquished me. I watched Pod feed the fire before rounding the bed to my side, “Do not leave me, Pod.”

“No, Ser.” He replied and took my hand. Another contraction racked my body and I hissed out a breath.

“This is moving faster than I thought,” the maester said. “Your babes will be here soon, I think.”

“How do you know?” I asked.

Wolkan gave me a look, “I’ll spare you the details, Ser, just know your body is readying for the delivery.” He didn’t even finish his sentence before my body was racked in pain again. “Breathe, Ser, breathe.” He said. 

I sucked in air pushing my lungs to open. The pain receded and I fell back. One of the maids, put a cool cloth to my forehead and so began a very long morning. For me time seemed to stand still between the gripping pain in my abdomen and sharp breaths I forced down. Pod was very encouraging and never once let go of my hand, despite the curses I threw his way. He was brave and very loyal.

It was late afternoon when the contractions were rolling over each other and a great pressure began to build. How Wolkan knew I was feeling this, I would never know, but it was then that he started to encourage me to push. I did then with all the strength of my body. It felt as though I was being split in half. Pod gripped my hand harder, shouting something. Encouragement probably. I wasn’t listening, I was focusing on pushing through the contractions and gasping for air between them. Out of the pain came a full body flush of relief. Wolkan pulled back with a small little thing crying in his hands. He laid the babe down as he cut the cord and then placed the child on my chest.

“A boy, Ser.” He said. As another contraction overtook me. The maester nodded, “Gently, Ser.” This one hurt a little less as my body was already cracked open and, with a few pushes, the maester came away with another screaming babe. He cut the cord and laid it beside it’s brother. “Another boy.” He said hoarsely.

“Ser!” Pod kissed me on the forehead. The babes cried against me as the maester tended me. A woman was there by my side and she gently took one of the babes, cleaned him and bundled him warmly. She did the same with the other. She and the other maid held the little ones as I braced against another contraction. No one told me about the final part of childbirth, a final contraction to issue forth a large bloody muscle. The bed that grew my little babes. I laid back as the maids return my babes to me, one in each arm. They had stopped crying. They were so small in my arms. Tears were streaming down my face and I could not stop them. My head was spinning and the maester was saying something.

“Ser, we need to change the bedding.” He said again.

He reached out and I let him take the babe from my right arm. He placed the boy in a cradle. I didn’t even see them bring them in, but there they were. Two cradles for two babes. He came back for the other and I gingerly passed him the babe. 

As he took the boy he said to Pod, “Help, Ser Brienne up. We must make this quick.”

Pod nodded slowly helped me stand. The lower half of my body burned as I moved. I leaned heavily into Pod. My head was swimming and I could feel something run down my inner leg. Wolkan put my second child into the other cradle as the maids quickly and deftly stripped the bed. I closed my eyes to the blood on the furs and only opened them when I heard the new ones being laid down. As one maid took over finishing the bed, the other came to me with a hot bowl of water and a rag.

“Ser, may I?” She asked indicated my legs. 

I looked down, but could not see past my inflated stomach. I nodded regardless and began wiping down my legs. She rinsed the cloth and I saw the water blossom with red. I wondered then how much blood had come away with the babes. I began to sway, but Pod pulled me in close, holding me tightly to him. I did not know he was so strong and I felt a burst of pride through my exhaustion. The maid had finished with my legs as the other finished with the bed.

“Lay her down in the bed,” the maid at my feet said to Pod and he did. I cried out as he helped me down. My body, splitting, burned from between my legs to the top of my torso as I gingerly slid across the bed. The maid had returned with a fresh bowl of water, “This will sting, Ser.” She said as she reached across me to clean between my legs. It did. It did sting. Exhaustion took me then, a deep drop into nothingness.

When I woke it was dark outside and Sansa sat in a chair by the fire, book in hand. The babes had begun to whimper and my breasts were so tender. I sat up slowly, my body screaming at me. Sansa rush to the side of the bed, “How do you feel?” She asked.

“Like I was torn in two.” I responded honestly. The babes were louder now and I did not need to be told that they were hungry. “Pass me my children.” She stood and picked one up gently, I unlaced the front of the shirt and my breasts were large, protruding. The babe cried in his lady’s arms and his brother across the room joined in. Sansa put the babe in my arms, I lifted him to a nipple and after a few tries he found his place. A warmth awoke in me. My babe looked up at me, big blue eyes. I fell in love. Love like I had never felt. There was no comparison to the lift in my heart. A cry from beside me pulled me back and Sansa was standing there with the other babe. She put him in my other arm and without being asked helped me to put him where he needed to be. I was flooded again and tears flowed down my cheeks.

“They have good lungs,” She said in the sudden quiet.

“They do.” I cried.

“You will need to eat, too.” She said, wiping my face like I was a child.

“Soon enough,” I replied, already feeling the hunger pangs. 

Sansa helped me tend them when they were done, “I remember watching my mother do this with Rickon.” She said as the one in her arms spittled over her shoulder. She put him in his cradle and came to take the other.

“No, I want to hold them.”

She laughed, “You’ll have lots of time with them. You need to eat.” Reluctantly, I handed the other to her and she gently laid him beside his brother. She served me a bowl of hot broth that had been warming by the fire. Sansa sat with me while I ate. “There was a raven while you were sleeping?” I looked up at her and she had a scroll in her hand. The seal was of Tarth. 

“Read it to me, please.” I replied, too exhausted, too sore to take it. 

Sansa nodded and opened the letter, “My daughter, word of your triumphs have already reached Tarth before your letter. Many of traders tell tales of the Sapphire Knight who guards the Red Wolf. A local bard has already composed a song of it.” Sansa looked up at me, “The Sapphire Knight guarding the Red Wolf?” She laughed.

I blushed, “It must be in jest.”

“If it were, would your father mention it?”

I shrugged, “No.” 

“There you are then. A song for Ser Brienne of Tarth.”

“And, Lady Sansa, Warden of the North.” 

“Apparently.” She snorted and muttered, “Red Wolf.” She searched the note for her lost place and then continued reading, “As for your other news, I am uncertain how to feel. These children would be a resurrection to the Isle of Tarth, but their sire leaves much wanting. By the time this reaches you, all will be said and done, and I will have had no chance to dissuade you from this poor match. In the Spring, sail home to me and we shall settle the matter. Your father, the Eveningstar, Lord Selwyn of House Tarth.” Sansa looked up at me, “He’s not too impressed with Ser Jaime.”

I slowly put down my spoon, “He’s a better match than any my father presented.”

“Oh?” Sansa asked, “And the others?”

“Not worth mentioning.” I replied.

“I will take your word for it, Ser,” She looked to the twins, “There is another matter that needs your attention.” She said.

“Oh?”

“Your children need names, Ser.”

I smiled at that, “Quentyn and Endrew.”

“Are those family names?”

“Of a fashion.”

She nodded, “They’re good names.”

***

I was rarely alone after that. Sansa, Pod or Wolkan would be in and out constantly helping me with the twins. I was consumed by their needs, their gurgling, their small little hands. We were quite the three. They were nearly two months old when Jaime rode into Winterfell. 

We were napping, as I had taken to at least attempting to sleep whenever the boys did, when I heard the door open. I assumed it was the maester coming in to check on us, but as I listened to him move around the room, I realized that it was not Wolkan. The steps he made were slow, but purposefully and not the soft shuffling of a maesters feet. I opened my eyes to see Jaime standing over our children, his back to me. I inhaled sharply of surprise and he turned around. 

He moved towards me as I sat up and slid to the side of the bed. Jaime unsheathed his sword and knelt.

“Ser, I offer you my services. I will shield your back and keep your counsel. I will give my life for yours. I swear it by the old gods and the new.” It was strange to be on the other side. Stranger still, to see Jaime kneeling before me. He cleared his throat, “It’s your line.”

I raised an eyebrow at him, as if I didn’t know, and stood. His gaze followed me upwards. “You should always have a place by my hearth. Meat and mead at my table. I will ask no service of you that might bring you dishonor. I swear this by the old gods and the new.” I brushed his cheek, “Arise.”

He stood, sheathing his sword. I bent my head and kissed him softly. He pressed back and touched his hand to my cheek. There was a knock at the door, otherwise we may never had parted. Jaime smiled and went to the door. There was a maid there with a babe in her arms. From the look of the child there was no mistaking who she was holding. Jaime took the young girl and dismissed the maid. He held his daughter in the crook of his right arm and braced her with his left. They were so comfortable with each other, I wondered if he hadn’t held her the entire journey North. 

“This little one delayed our journey, had to slow down for her.” He said, “This is Alys.” 

I picked her up from Jaimes arms. “Hello, Alys.” She smiled and laughed in my hands. She reached out and touched my face, grabbing for my short hair.

“Oh, she likes you.” He said. 

“Well we’ve met before, you see.”

He frowned, “She didn’t tell me that.” 

I leaned over and kissed him. I felt him smile. It was at that moment one of the twins began to whimper. I looked over to see Endrew had woken up. I passed Alys back to Jaime and he took her deftly into his arms. Endrews whimpers were growing into soft cries now. I knew those cries. I closed the door to our rooms and was already unlacing my shirt when I came back to Endrew. I caught Jaime staring from the corner of my eye and I had to force myself not to blush as I picked up the babe. I saw his brother fighting to wake up as well. 

“Stay sleeping, little one, just until I’m done with your brother.” 

Jaime watched me intently as I sat on the bed with Endrew and lifted him to my breast. This was our routine and it took no time for Endrew, but Jaime had never seen this. I looked up at him, standing there holding Alys. He watched us in awe, completely besotted with the moment.

“You’re so good with them.” He whispered.

I laughed, “I have had some practice while you were away.”

Jaime sat down with in one of the chairs by the fire. He bounced Alys on his knee while he watched us. I blushed under his watchful eyes. We were silent as Endrew ate as I wasn’t sure what to say to him and he certainly didn’t seem to know what to say to me. When Endrew was done I grabbed a woolen cloth and threw it over my shoulder. 

“You very good with her,” I said to Jaime as I patted Endrews back.

Jaime smiled proudly, “Yes, we are quite the pair.” His face dropped a little as he asked tentatively, “Which of our children are you holding?”

Endrew burped over my shoulder. I wiped his face and I turned him to face Jaime, “This is your son, Endrew.”

“Endrew.” Jaime repeated in awe. “Can I hold him?” 

I paused, “Can you hold two babes?”

Jaime smiled and shook his head. He put Alys in Endrew’s crib where she sat down and watched her father cross the room to me. Jaime reached out and I helped him settle Endrew on his right forearm, waiting until Jaime braced him with his left. “Hello, son.” He said softly. Endrew was a mini-Jaime in his arms. A blue-eyed Jaime. 

Quentyn began to cry then and I had another child to feed. I picked up my other boy and took him to the bed. Jaime watched me attentively as I got Quentyn settled on my breast.

“And, our other one?”

I looked down at Quentyn who stared back at me like I was the world, “This is Quentyn.” I replied.

“Two boys.” He said.

“And, now a girl.” 

He smiled at me and there were tears in his eyes, “Yes, she’s- um- she’s-”

“Jaime?”

“She is mine- ours, but not… officially. The official story is that she is Cersei’s last child.”

“And, who did they name as her sire?” I asked slowly. 

Jaime brushed the top of Endrew’s head, “Euron Greyjoy.” He replied. 

“Oh, Jaime.” I said, sympathetically, “She is Alys Greyjoy then?” 

He shook his head, “No, she’s Alys Lannister. Tyrion petitioned our king to make her heir to Casterly Rock. I don’t want it and he doesn’t want it.” He paused, “It will be easier for her to take her birthright if she is, at least in name, a Lannister and since her mother never did marry the Greyjoy pirate… It was easily settled.”

I smiled at him, “So, she is our ward then.”

“Yes, raised as a ward of Tarth until her eighteenth year.” He looked at me and smiled, “Tyrion did one thing right.”

I rolled my eyes, “Tyrion has done a number of things right.”

He shrugged, “Don’t tell him that.” I laughed and noticed Quentyn had finished, I reached down to grab a fresh cloth. “Let me.” Jaime said suddenly. He put Endrew down on the bed between us. As he leaned down, I threw the cloth over his shoulder and then I helped him settle Quentyn in his arms.

“Hello, Quentyn.” He said, before he began gently patting the boys back. I started lacing my shirt up when Jaime spoke again, “No, don’t do that, Ser.”

I gave him a look, “Jaime, many hands come in and out of this room. I should at least attempt to be decent.”

“If they have been in and out so much then I’m sure they don’t notice anymore.” He gave me a crooked grin then, “I, on the other hand, have not had the pleasure of the sight of you in some time.”

“I’m sure it’s quite the sight.” I replied sarcastically, picking up Endrew. Endrew smiled up at me and I found myself smiling back, brushing his soft cheek. 

“It is.” Jaime said softly, “It always is.”

I looked up at him. The firelight was glowing behind Jaime, giving him a golden aura. He sat there rubbing Quentyn’s back. He was so beautiful in that moment. His face was sincere as he watched me with Endrew. I smiled at him, accepting his compliment.

It was then that Alys cried out. We looked over and she cried more. I laid Endrew back on the bed as Quentyn hadn’t finished yet. Alys whimpered a little as I lifted her up. I spun us around which made her giggle. I wiped her face and brought her back with me to the bed. I sat her in my lap.

“Alys, have you met your brothers?” I asked. She gurgled happily.

“Should they know?” Jaime asked, throwing the spoiled cloth to the corner of the room. “I mean, as babes they won’t really understand, but to protect her…” 

I kissed Alys’ head, “Regardless of official stories or titles, Jaime, they will be brothers to her. She will be a sister to them. We will raise them like that.” I paused, “For appearances she will know you are her uncle and I am her aunt, but whether she should know her true identity, only time will tell.”

He teared up then and held Quentyn close, “She just needs to be happy. Happy like her mother never was.”

The thought of Cersei was bitter in my mind, but her daughter was innocent and for that I said, “She will be, she’s with her family.”

He nodded, “That she is. We both are.” Alys laid back heavily against me and Jaime watched us for a time before he spoke again, "I'm sorry I wasn't here, for their arrival." 

"It's alright, I wasn’t alone. Pod was here." 

“Pod?” He asked, laughing.

“He did well, I will be knighting him for it... when my strength returns.”

“He has earned it.”

I smiled at him, taking in the moment we were together again. I knew our future was still unknown, but for now, it didn’t matter. For now, we were together and we would be together for our next adventure, whatever that was.


	2. The Sapphire Lion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Sapphire Lion joins the realm for a tourney held for the crown prince.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for the amazing comments, the kudos and for taking the time to read this. I am sorry for the long wait, this sort of got away from me a few times and it required more editing than anticipated. 
> 
> Thank you again! Please enjoy!

Chapter 2 

I brought my horse to a halt on the cliffs overlooking Storm’s End and observed the mess of flags that lay below. Lord Gendry was hosting a tourney to celebrate the fifteenth name day of the crown prince. Most of the realm had gathered in front of the old castle and were prepared to see their best compete with horse or with swords or with bows. The most prominent banner was the white wolf of the king. Close to the kings banner were the Starks. There were also Tullys, Arryns, Lannisters, Blackwater and many more. But, no matter how many banners there were, they could not hide the suns and moons of House Tarth. A strange mix of excitement and fear flooded through me. They were already here. But, why shouldn’t they be? The island was only across the bay.

Tarth. I looked across the blue waters and thought, just maybe, I could see it. Home... I shook my head. No, not home. It can’t be home anymore. I nudged my horse forward and trotted her down to the grounds below. The closer I got, the more people I began to see. Most seemed oblivious to me, but others would stop and stare as I rode past. I gritted my teeth as some began to whisper. I kept my eyes on the golden lions.

I rode towards the Lannister banners with a display of what I hope came off as pride. I was expected to camp with the other Lannisters, but all I wanted was to be with my Tarths. My _men_ seemed to know this as I passed them. Each seemed to be sizing me up. They were already uncertain about having Cercei Lannister’s legitimized bastard as their Lady, but I wondered if they somehow knew about what had happened. I slid from my horse in front of the largest Lannister tent, my tent. I sighed as I entered and found my Uncle Tyrion waiting for me, wine in hand.

“Ah, my Lady, welcome to Storm’s End.” He said.

I pulled off my helmet and noted his hair was growing grey finally, “Thank you, Uncle. You didn’t have to greet me yourself.”

“But, I wanted to.” He said, watching me carefully. He let me walk further into the tent before asking, “Where have you been?”

I found the armor rack and hung my helm. “I had to settle the Hilltribes and the last one was… challenging.” I unclasped my cloak. “Timett son of Timett says hi, by the way.”

“Ah, Timett, of course. He would cause you problems.” He paused, “Lord Arryn has been here for a full week and a half. Did Timett really delay you that much?”

I rolled my eyes and removed my gauntlets, “Lord Arryn wasn’t actually involved that much, which allowed him the luxury of leaving sooner than me.”

“Yes, but your Lannister escort also arrived before you did.”

“I’m quite capable of travelling alone.”

He sighed, “That’s not the point. You have a duty. What would have happened if you met robbers or worse?”

“I would introduce them to my blade.”

He laughed into his cup.

I frowned, “What?”

“You’re too much like your Uncle Jaime.” That made me smile for a moment until my Uncle Tyrion continued, “I’ve had a raven.”

I avoided his eyes, began removing my breastplate, and quipped, “That’s a strange lunch, Uncle.”

He sighed again, “Clever,” He paused for another moment, clearly trying to decide how best to make his approach. “I’ve had a raven from Dorne.”

I looked back at him and he attempted to read my face. I kept it neutral and hung my breastplate. “What did Dorne want?”

“I think you know.”

I paused before I turned back to him. “But, what do you know, Uncle?” I asked.

“I know that Dorne wrote to your Ser Aunt as well.”

“And?”

“That Prince Qyle has written to you several times without response. Your little hiccup with his family needs to be dealt with.”

“He was the one who told me to go!” I shouted.

“You are the Lady of Casterly Rock and Warden of the West, you cannot ignore Dorne. No matter what has happened.”

“Are you going to lecture me, Uncle?”

Uncle Tyrion frowned at me, “No, I am advising you on how to keep the king's peace. I may not be his Hand anymore, but I still have his ear.”

I sat down at the table and he joined me, “Thank you for the advice, I shall consider it.”

He eyed me subtly, “Do you wish to discuss it?”

“No.” I said and searched for a new subject, “Shouldn’t you be with your lady wife, Uncle?”

“I should also be checking in on my princely son, but here I am scolding you.” He didn’t even skip a beat. My Uncle Tyrion was always good with me, even when I didn’t deserve it.

I leaned back and smiled, “Well, thank you for your concern, I’ll get this dealt with.”

“When?” He asked.

“I’ll send a messenger tomorrow.”

Satisfied, he stood, “Good. I don’t really want to know what happened in Dorne, but I hope if it is serious you would share it with me.” I nodded and he began walking towards the tent flap, “Oh, please see our Knights of Tarth before the feast tonight, they’re worried about you.”

I nodded again and when I was alone, I went to the wash basin and freshened up. I changed my clothes putting on a Lannister red tunic over soft deerskin pants. I picked up my sword, though not really my sword. I did not feel like I had earned Oathkeeper. My Ser Aunt had given it to me on my eighteenth name day much like her Ser husband had given it to her. It should have gone to one of her sons, but she had passed it on to me. She sent me on believing I would be honorable enough to carry this blade, but I have proven myself unworthy. It was light in my hands, but heavy in my heart. I belted the sword to my hip trying not to think about it, but the guilt burned in my shoulders.

A part of me wished to hide, but another knew I should get it over with. They would be disappointed with me. I knew it as I headed towards the center of the encampment. If Uncle Tyrion was correct, then my Aunt Brienne would be very worried, but not as much as my Uncle Jaime. He had always been so protective of me. Sometimes it felt like he guarded me more closely than his own children and I didn’t know if that was to protect the Lannister line or out of duty to my dead mother. My mother was cruel, a tyrant and so had been the man who sired me. So, I did not think there was much loyalty left to be had from Uncle Jaime, but he was once Lord Commander of the Kingsguard and had failed to save my half-siblings. So, perhaps he had hoped to make up for his failings through me. 

My thoughts were interrupted by the appearance of the Tarth flag. I entered their encampment and saw the twins first. Gods they had gotten big. They were tall for sure, but when I last saw them they were skinny teenagers pretending to be knights on the beaches of Tarth. Now, now they were young warriors. Quentyn spotted me first, as the older of the two, he always was better at lookout. He waved at me, a big grin plastered on his face. Endrew turned then and smiled broadly, a mirror to his brother. I smiled and waved back. They looked like their father, they looked like me, but there was a shade of their mother that made them uniquely their own.

Endrew walked ahead of his brother and swept me up in a hug. I had to stand on my toes to match his height. When he let go, I moved to hug Quentyn who looked at me disapprovingly.

“How is the Lady of Casterly Rock so short?” He asked as he hugged me.

“Perhaps because the Evenstar-in-Waiting is half giant!” I replied, giving him a nudge as he let me go. He laughed at me and tried to mess my hair. I dodged his hand.

Endrew grinned and said. “You’ve just missed, Mom and Dad.”

“Oh? Where did they go?” I asked, trying not to sound normal.

“They are with Lady Stark. I think?” Quentyn replied with a shrug.

I grimaced and said, “Ah, I was just speaking to her lord husband.”

“How is Uncle Tyrion today?” Asked Endrew.

“Upset with me, but well.”

The twins exchanged looks and then Quentyn asked, “Is this about Dorne?”

I raised my eyebrow at him, “Does everyone know about Dorne?”

He shrugged, “Only the people who matter.”

“That’s very reassuring.”

Quentyn gave me a crooked smile, “So, the Prince of Dorne is looking for you?”

I rolled my eyes, “Is he? Seems unlike him.”

“Oh really? We didn’t realize you knew the prince so well.” Endrew replied. His tone was a mockery of the way ladies gossiped and he liked to use it to get a rise out of me. I would not bite.

“I don’t.”

“Then why is he looking for you?”

I shook my head, “Don’t worry about it.”

They exchanged another look and seemed willing to let it go, for now. “Come on,” Endrew said, and led us into a nearby tent. It was empty, but cool inside, and I was grateful for it. It was fairly plain inside, but despite that it was clearly meant for the three Tarth girls as three cots had been set up, two of which I could see were claimed already. I could see Jo and Arianne’s things scattered about. Quentyn dropped onto one of empty cots and Endrew sat on another.

“So,” Quentyn started, “Regale us with your tales of adventures.”

I sat down beside Quentyn, “There’s not much to tell.”

Quentyn rolled his eyes, “You’ve been fighting the Hilltribes?”

I nodded, “Yes, they’ve been getting ambitious, challenging the Eyrie. Lord Arryn called for help and since it was our grandfather who armed them, the Lannisters are, at the very least, obligated to help. Honestly, it’s not been that exciting, we’ve been mostly baiting them with goats and sheep, then ambushing them.”

“How can you make fighting those savages boring?” Endrew asked. 

I picked at a loose string on my tunic, “Because it’s work. It’s not that exciting.”

“It’s better than what we’ve been doing. I mean, all we do is fetch armor or water or brush horses.” Endrew complained.

That made me smile, “Yes, how is squiring for your Northern lords?” 

“My Lord Karstark is barely eight years older than me and treats me like I’m some green boy.” Quentyn complained.

“You are some green boy,” I threw at him, “How many battles have you fought?”

“And, what battles has he fought? Quentyn replied.

“Lord Karstark was crucial in the Thenn raids five years ago. He earned his knighthood saving several common women from captivity.”

Quentyn scoffed, “I can still swing a sword better than him.”

I laughed at what was likely the truth of it. All of the Tarth children had a sword in their hand by the time they could walk on their own. I looked to his brother, “Endrew?”

“Lord Glover is a prick.” Endrew replied and refused to say more.

“Maybe we should have done things your way.” Quentyn added. 

I rolled my eyes. “Well, no one was going to take a girl as a squire, so I didn’t exactly have a choice. Besides, your hardwork will turn into a knighthood. I still might not ever get that.” 

“Mother will knight you, if that’s what you want… Or, father.” Quentyn replied.

“It’s not the same.” I replied, “Why be a squire if your parents can just knight you?”

“As if they would.” Endrew said almost bitterly, “They want us to earn it.”

I laughed, “Of course they do. How would it look if you were knighted by your dad without cause? No one would take you seriously.” 

“We just want to be knights already,” Quentyn continued. Impatience in his voice, “I mean Dad was sixteen when he was knighted.”

“He was fifteen. Just be patient, you’ll get your chance.” I sighed then, “I don’t know if this helps, but I always tell myself that Uncle Pod was almost twenty before he was knighted.”

Endrew nodded, “Yeah, I think of that, too.”

Quentyn scoffed, “No, you don’t! Stop trying to impress Alys!” He reached around me and grabbed the pillow, throwing it at his brother.

“Oi!” 

I laughed, “I’m very impressed.”

Quentyn gave me a playful shove. I poked him between the ribs and he involuntarily giggled. I smiled at the knowledge that he was still ticklish and jabbed at him a few more times.

“No! Alys!” Quentyn jumped off the cot, putting distance between us.

“I’m not going to chase you, Quentyn.”

“I can’t trust that.” He replied and sat on the other side of his brother.

I grinned, “So, tell me about our family.” Quentyn and Endrew looked at each other and grinned, “What?” I asked.

“Things are good.” Quentyn replied.

“Very good, apparently.” Endrew added.

I rolled my eyes, “What does that mean?”

Quentyn shrugged, “Well, Catelyn has had an offer of marriage from Gerald Baratheon.”

“That’s… good?” I asked, I didn’t know Lord Gendry’s oldest very well.

“Very,” Endrew replied, “They’ve been getting pretty cozy since Gerald started squiring for Mom last year. They are supposed to be discussing the details after the tourney.”

“Speaking of which, Jo entered the tourney.” Quentyn continued.

“Jo entered the tourney? She’s fourteen!” I replied, surprised she would be allowed.

“Just the archery,” Quentyn said, “Mom had to negotiate it with Dad on her behalf. Dad was being a little over protective.”

“He’s like that.” I paused, “I don’t remember her being that good at archery.”

Endrew nodded, “Yeah, she’s been working at it quite a bit since that was all she would be allowed to do.” Then added excitedly, “She can fire a bow from horseback now!”

I laughed, “Really?”

Endrew laughed too, “Yeah, she usually misses the target, but she can hold the bow steady.”

“Your parents must be proud.” I replied.

“ _Our_ parents are quite proud,” Quentyn said, emphasizing that they should be considered my parents, too. Despite the fact that I was a ward and not one of their children.

“And, the little twins?” I asked changing the subject.

“Absolute monsters.” Quentyn replied.

“Arianna and Arthur have the whole of Tarth in chaos.” Endrew added, “And, they have Ty following them around offering to help whenever he can, then they set him up for the blame.”

“Oh is that so?” I asked, imagining little Ty, left behind. “Do they get away with tricking their little brother like that?”

Quentyn snorted, “No, he’s half their age. Mom and Dad know who the masterminds are, I mean, they had Endrew and I first after all.”

I nodded remembering the terrors Quentyn and Endrew were at Winterfell before we moved to Tarth. “So, things are good then.” I said finally, happy to hear they were all doing well. “And, the Sers of Tarth?” I asked.

“Good.” Endrew said.

“Very good, apparently.” Quentyn added.

I felt like I had travelled back in time, “That’s it?”

“Well, you know, Tarth is doing quite well. Dad is good with managing everything, actually this last year he increased our trade yield. Though that’s probably because Mom has been dealing with pirates on the coast, there have been fewer raids since she’s gone out.” Quentyn replied.

“So, the usual then, why are you being so weird?” I asked.

“Well…” Endrew started and then looked at his brother.

Quentyn laughed, “Mom is with child again.”

I blinked, “Again? I thought she said Ty was the last one.”

Endrew shrugged, “She said that about the little twins as well.”

I laughed, “So, when do we meet this new sibling?”

Quentyn frowned, “Four moons…?” He paused, “A little less than that.”

“But, you would know that if you ever wrote home like we do!” Endrew added, throwing a pillow my way.

I knocked the pillow out of midair and said, “Hilltribes, Endrew, Hilltribes. And, I’ve been fairly busy since taking over Casterly Rock.”

He rolled his eyes, “Sure, Alys.” Then he smirked, “Do you know who does know how to write?”

I frowned, “Don’t.” 

Quentyn grinned and leaned back and added, “The Prince of Dorne.”

I scowled at him, “We’ve been through this.”

“Yes, apparently he wrote to our mother about the Sapphire Lion?” Quentyn asked, “Did you know that’s what they call you?”

I shrugged, “I know...”

Endrew was annoyed then, “Oh come on! You went to Dorne. Why?”

“None of your business.” I said defensively. 

Two long shadows appeared in the tent door. I looked over to see Catelyn and Jo entering into the tent. “Alys!” Catelyn shouted and I barely stood up before she threw herself around me.

Catelyn was tall now, her blonde hair braided back. She had the look of her mother, but the eyes of her father. She was the only one of her seven siblings with green eyes and it was a feature we bonded over. She let go of me and then it was Jo’s turn to hug. Joanna was also now taller than me. She had more of a build than her sister, but that was probably because of the training she had apparently been doing. Jo looked like her father, and I suppose in a way she looked like me, which I was always rather grateful for as I could blend in with the family better.

Jo let me go, but immediately grabbed my hand, “The Prince of Dorne wrote to Mother!” She said excitedly.

I rolled my eyes, and couldn’t help but notice the twins smirking, “Yes, I’ve been told.”

“Are you engaged?” Catelyn implored, “Gerald asked Mother and Father in person for my hand.”

“Did he?” I asked, then added, “Congratulations, I hear you’re quite fond of him.”

Catelyn blushed, “Thank you, but it’s not settled yet.”

I nodded, “Tell me about it.”

“Don’t avoid the question!” Jo broke in, “Is the Dornish Prince asking for your hand?”

Dark, olive shaped eyes danced in the back of my head for a moment, “No. We’re not engaged”

“She won’t tell us anything.” Endrew threw in.

“No, I won’t,” I confirmed, “Where are your parents?”

“ _Our_ parents are still with the Starks if you want to interrupt them, but you can see them at the feast tonight.” Catelyn replied. 

“You know I have to start establishing myself as independent of Tarth. There’s already a lot of concern around it.” I said. Jo punched me in the shoulder. “Ow!” I said.

“You’re the Sapphire Lion!” She practically shouted. “You are one of us. The other Lannisters can eat dirt.”

I smiled at her, “Well, regardless, I can’t sit with you at the feast. I have to sit with the Lannisters. And, I apparently need to speak with our parents.”

“About Dorne?” Teased Quentyn.

I rolled my eyes and left the tent. Catelyn followed me out, falling in beside me, “You can tell me you know.”

I felt a red flush on my neck, “I know.”

“There’s very little we’re not told about you, so I hope you understand why we’re curious… and worried.”

I looked up at her, astonished again by her height. The last time we were together, she was at eye level with me, “I don’t mean to worry you. Honestly, I’m surprised you haven’t heard already.”

She nodded, “There have been rumors.”

I raised an eyebrow, “Rumors?”

“Yes, people are saying that you plan to give Casterly Rock to Dorne.”

I laughed, “That’s the rumor?”

“Yes, after a Dornish Prince was sent to seduce you.”

“Gods.” I muttered. “That’s why the Lannisters looked upset.”

“The Lannisters?”

“Back at my encampment, they were not very pleased with me. Although, they’re never that pleased with me.”

Catelyn took me by the hand and pulled me into an empty tent. “It wasn’t a Dornish Prince though, was it?”

A memory of citrus wafted over me, “No.” I replied honestly, “I will find you later to talk about it, Catelyn. I promise.”

She nodded accepting that, “We’ll go for a walk after the feast. I’ll bring a skin of wine.”

“And, you will tell me about Gerald?”

Catelyn laughed, “Of course, you will really like him.”

I was suddenly nervous. Catelyn and I could always talk to each other about things, but this was very different. Very different. And, if the Prince of Dorne has written to her mother- I interrupted my own thoughts. “I should find our Sers of Tarth.”

“Do you want me to go with you?” She asked, searching through my hesitation.

Finally I said, “No, it’s fine. I’ll see you at the feast.”

Catelyn squeezed my hand and left me. I could not banish the dread that crept over my shoulders. I was suddenly aware of the setting sun as I made my way towards the silver wolf of the Starks. I was relieved that it did not take me long to find the large tent of Lady Stark. 

And, that’s when I saw them. My adoptive parents were outside the large pavilion laughing with my Aunt Sansa, the Warden of the North, herself. Her long red hair untarnished by age. She smiled as she spoke with poise to the Evenstar. My Ser Aunt, stood tall, sword at her hip. He hair short, swept back, a whiter blonde than I remembered. She was not wearing her armor, but simply a blue tunic and it was obvious why. A bump was already present, curving out just above her belt. My uncle, beside her in his blue armor. His sword Honor-Recalled, once Widow’s Wail, at his hip. He caught me staring and smiled. The smile that crinkled at his eyes.

Ah gods, I had missed them. He started walking towards me, leaving the conversation behind. I was pulled forward by my feet, my heart pushing me towards him. As we closed the distance, I wanted to leap into his arms and cry, but I settled for gently wrapping my arms around his neck as he bent down to embrace.

“Ah, my darling girl.” He said softly in my ear. “The Sapphire Lion returns.” I laughed and really did almost cry. Did he know where that name came from? He let me go and looked me over, surveyed for any damage. “You look good.” He said finally.

“You, too.” I replied and then I looked over at my aunts, both of whom were observing us. They exchanged a subtle glance and I wondered what exactly the Prince of Dorne had written.

He cupped my cheek, “What’s wrong?” He asked. There were days where I swear he knew me better than myself.

I looked up at him, his eyes that were my eyes, “It’s nothing.”

A redness crept across his neck, “Perhaps.” He replied, “Come, your aunts have missed you.”

He led me back to them and the Evenstar folded me up into her arms. I fought myself not to cry in front of Lady Stark, my aunt who could teach stones how to be hard, but Ser Brienne of Trath was like a mother to me and it seemed she had power to make me vulnerable. 

She let me go, “How are you, Alys?”

“Well, Aunt.” I replied and then turned to Lady Stark, I gave her a small bow and said, “It is nice to see you, too, Aunt Sansa.”

“You as well.” She embraced me, politely. I had long accepted that the look of me unnerved her. I was like a ghost from her past, and though she never showed me any malice, it was in the small gestures that I saw her hesitations, “I hear you have settled the Hilltribes.”

“No, Aunt, not quite. They are, at the very least, humbled.”

She raised an eyebrow, “Is that so? That is certainly not how Lord Arryn tells it.”

“Lord Arryn is too kind,” I replied, drily.

She smiled at that, “Unlikely. You must have much to say to our Knights of Tarth. I will leave you to it, if you promise to tell me about the Hillsmen later.”

I nodded, “Of course.”

She left us and my Ser Aunt turned to me. She brushed some of my hair off my face and tucked it behind my ear, “Look at you.”

The tears were biting at me again. I had to deflect, “Look at you, Aunt!” I threw back.

She laughed and brushed the bump, “Yes, this was a surprise.”

My uncle gave her a crooked smile, “We really should know better by now.”

She rolled her eyes at him, “I thought we were past this point in our lives.”

“The gods seem to disagree,” he remarked.

She gave him a sidelong glance, “We’re too old for this.”

“Nonsense, Aunt.” I said.

She hugged me again, “I am glad to see you. I really thought that you-”

“Weren’t going to come?” I finished, “I thought about it.”

“There was a raven-” My uncle started.

“I know, from Dorne.”

“Yes.” He replied.

My aunt let me go and said, “We need to talk.” The words ripped holes in my nerves. 

Uncle Jaime put his arm around me and led me back to their tent. My aunt covered the entrance and commanded her guard we were not to be disturbed. I waited for her to sit at the neatly set table, before I dropped into a chair opposite of her. My uncle poured us wine as I let the silence dragged out. She watched me carefully. The Evenstar observed me, searched me. She sought for something as I avoided her eyes.

Finally, my Ser Aunt asked, “Do you want to know what the letter said?”

I kept my eyes down, “I do not care what the Dornish Prince has to say.” I lied.

My uncle sat down and sipped his wine. He looked like Uncle Tyrion in that moment. “Do you want to start then?” He asked.

I tipped my foot up and my knee started bouncing, betraying all of my anxieties, “Not really.”

He sighed, placing his cup on the table, and reached out to rest his hand on his wife's belly. “It cannot be that bad.”

“But, it is.”

He observed me for a moment and said, “We cannot help you, if you do not talk to us, Alys. Secrets are posion.” 

I looked up at him, “How do you know?”

“Oh, well, secrets were what held my life together for a time.” He replied, looking down. Aunt Brienne looked at him then and I couldn’t read her expression. Uncle Jaime seemed out of place as he looked back at her and I watched a silent exchange of unspoken words. She placed her hand over his and a smile flickered across his face. They both looked at me as he said, “I want you to know that we don’t choose the people we love, Alys.”

My stomach was in knots. Oh gods, they do know, “That’s easy for you to say.” I threw at him, hoping it would deflect his reasoning.

He swallowed hard, “It’s not… And, you are proof of that.” He looked back at my aunt and I saw it this time. Reassurance. He was looking for reassurance. She smiled at him and he turned back to me, “This isn’t an easy conversation, but whatever has happened, you will never be the worst Lannister.”

He was speaking for himself. He was speaking about his own secret. These words felt strange and unlike him. Finally I asked, “Why is that?” 

He waited until I looked at him. He held my gaze and said, “You are my daughter.”

“But, Euron Greyjoy-”

“Is not your father.”

If I was not a Greyjoy bastard, “And, my mother?”

“Cersei Lannister.”

I leaned back and stared at my uncle. My _father_ … There had always been rumors that my half-siblings, Joffrey, Myrcella and Tommen, were born of incest. In our house growing up these things were whispered late at night when they could not be easily over heard. In my travels there were one or two bold maesters who questioned me on the fact. I would always answer with, _How would I know? I was the legitimized bastard of a pirate and a tyrant._ Yet here it was, the truth. They were bastards of incest and so was I.

I laughed then. I laughed because of course I was. The gods curse bastards and a bastard born of incest, well I really had no chance. I watched my uncle- my father exchange a glance with his wife. Both were confused and concerned over my reaction. I supposed they did not expect laughter. I took several heaving breaths to calm myself and then downed my cup of wine. They said nothing as a stood and poured myself another. I downed it as well and turned back to him. His face was a mix of pain, guilt and shame, but also concern. He had pulled into himself, his left hand now holding this stump as he watched me. My aunt had a hand on his shoulder I poured another cup and looked at my Ser Aunt… Stepmother? She watched me with concern, but also with patience. Her other hand had remained on her belly and I could see she was considered me thoughtfully.

I felt a short surge of dizziness from the wine, but it passed so quickly I wondered if I could even be drunk enough for this. I inhaled sharply. He was not wrong. His secret was worse. I was worse than- They waited patiently for me to sit back down, which I did. I drank half the cup in silence, then put it on the table. 

I inhaled deeply and said, “Well, now I know why I’ve been so cursed.” My uncle- no, my _father_ was shamed into silence.

“You are not cursed.” My aunt replied.

I looked at her and had to wipe the tears from my eyes. I hadn’t even realized that I had started crying. I looked at my father- my uncle, “A bastard of incest, how could I not be? The real question is why. Why?” I spat out the question, waiting for any weakness.

He looked at me with our eyes and said, “There is much I could say about who your mother was and what I felt for her, but what you should really know is that we accept the love we think we deserve.”

I took a shaky breath. That was not the answer I expected. I expected some excuse of madness or perverse lust. It was... simple. It was… strangely comforting. I asked then, “What do you know about the situation with Dorne?”

My aunt looked at her husband and when he remained silent, said, “The Prince of Dorne wrote to us and explained that there has been an indiscretion,” I snorted, but she continued, “during your visit to Dorne.”

I swallowed thinking of those brown eyes again, “That was politely put.”

Her eyes narrowed as she tried to read my face, “Was it?”

I drank from my cup again and kept my eyes down, “What else did he say?”

“He has asked that we encourage you to return to Dorne.”

I looked up, frowning, “Why?”

“Because, apparently, it needs to be made right. Whatever it is, he did not specify on the indiscretion.”

I could feel my cheeks turn red, “It was my understanding that I was not wanted in Dorne.”

At this my uncle- my father broke in, “If you are with child-”

“What?!” I shouted.

“Are you?” He asked, concerned.

“No!” I hissed, remembering that shouting can be heard through tents, “No, I’m not.”

They exchanged looked again, “Then why would the Prince of Dorne write to us so urgently?” My aunt asked.

I was silent, unsure how to answer this next part.

“You don’t have to lie, we can work this out before anyone knows. Clearly the Dornish Prince wants this done legitimately.” My uncle continued.

“I-” I tried to interject.

My aunt interrupted me, “You should have come straight to us. The Hilltribes could have waited. This is serious, Alys.”

I was spinning as my father- my uncle added, “What are you even doing fighting in your condition? Do you know how dangerous that is?” 

I caught myself finally, “That’s not…” I interrupted, “That’s not what’s happening... It’s not what happened. Prince Qyle was… Well, I don’t know what Prince Qyle wants.” I sighed and looked up at the people who, for everything, are my parents, “I am not with child. The indiscretion was not with a Prince of Dorne, but a Princess… of Dorne.” 

They were silent, my father frowned in confusion, but my aunt- my stepmother….? My aunt took a deep breath and asked, “A Princess of Dorne?” 

I nodded. It was hard to look at her. Hard to read her. What an unnatural thing I must be to her. This bastard made by her husband and his sister, and now a degenerate who debased herself with a Princess of Dorne. 

“Does the princess have a name?” She asked.

I wrapped my arms around myself, thinking of her face. “Nymm.” I looked away and couldn’t help but tap my arms with my fingers.

“Nymm,” My uncle- my uncle said, I looked at him. He sighed with relief and leaned back in his chair. He took his wife’s hand, “That’s good.”

It was my turn to be surprised, “How is that good? I am an abomination!”

Both of them looked at me in surprise and Uncle Jaime said, “No, darling, no you are not.” 

My aunt moved quickly then. She crossed the space between us and pulled me up into her arms. “It is good to love.” And, I cried then. In her arms I cried like the child I used to be,and she held me tighter. I had not yet cried over this whole thing and I was overwhelmed. It may have been easier if some Prince of Dorne had gotten me with child. That had several easier solutions. This. This I couldn’t change. When I had quieted she asked, “So, what happened?”

I looked at both of them. They both seemed intently interested and relieved, “Well, Nymm had travelled North to see the other kingdoms and her party was requesting to visit Casterly Rock. I was there with Uncle Tyrion, so I invited them to stay.”

“As you should have,” My uncle replied standing to join us.

“Yeah, of course, um… while they were there, Nymm saw me practicing with Ned and asked to spar with me. She fights with two swords, so I thought that would be challenging.” I took a nervous breath and they waited, “Anyways, one thing led to another and she invited me back to Dorne.”

My Uncle Jaime raised an eyebrow and asked, “One thing led to another?”

I blushed, “I am not sharing those details.”

He blushed a little and nodded, “What happened in Dorne?”

“We were caught together by her fiance, which she hadn’t thought to mention. He is some lord form Essos and had decided to surprise her with a visit.” I took a shaky breath, “He broke trade agreements with Dorne and has convinced a number of other Essos traders to end their agreements as well.”

“Oh.” was all my uncle could say.

“Yeah.” I replied. “So, I’m not sure why Prince Qyle would want me to return other than some kind of repayment or I don’t know.”

My father wiped my face, “You must send a raven, perhaps he will be more open with his intentions if you speak for yourself.”

I sighed, “He only wrote to you because I’ve been ignoring his ravens.” I took a step back so I could see my aunts face better.

My uncle cupped my cheek, “As the Lady of Casterly Rock you cannot ignore his ravens. The peace of the realm can be easily unbalanced by these slights.”

“That’s what Uncle Tyrion said” I replied.

“He’s right.” He said, “It is your duty.”

I sat back down in my seat, “What do I say?”

My aunt sat across from me and replied, “First an apology.” I must have had a look on my face because she clarified, “An apology for ignoring his messages and then an apology for disrupting the trade in Dorne. Not for Nymm, unless there is something more there?”

There was more, but they didn’t need to hear it. I shook my head, “No.”

Aunt Brienne accepted that and continued, “After your apologises, ask how you can mend your friendship with Dorne. Offer aid if they need it.”

“What if it’s too late?”

My uncle answered, “You won’t know until Prince Qyle responds, and then the rest of the realm can step in. The king may help, I’m sure Lord Gendry will offer help from the East and your Aunt Sansa is fond of you. So, the North will likely back you as well.” My Uncle sighed, “Besides, it’s just trade agreements. You didn’t murder his family.”

“No, I only decimated their economy.”

“That’s enough,” My aunt said, sternly. “Self pity will not help you here. You are not a child anymore, it’s time to be who we raised you to be.”

I felt in that moment a strange sense of shame, and empowerment, and I was grateful for her words. “I know.” 

She looked at me then and said, “If you know, then do so.”

***

After our discussion, we headed straight for the feast. My aunt and uncle parted with me at the entrance of the hall and made their way to their seats. I, on the other hand, had to pay my respects to the royal table which was at the back of the hall. I looked it over quickly and found at the center of the table sat King Aegon, or Jon to those he liked, he seemed happy to be speaking to Lord Gendry on his right. Our king was approaching two decades of ruling and it seemed only in the last five years had Westeros truly recovered from the turmoil. Lord Gendry’s wife sat beside him, Asha, some distant Greyjoy cousin. An arrangement of my Uncle Tyrions who worked tirelessly to interconnect the kingdoms in an effort to maintain the hard earned peace. Peace I may have disrupted. Beside them was Samwell Tarly and his wife, who were clearly working through Lady Asha’s last nerves. To the king’s left sat the crowned prince, Ned Stark. My cousin through my Aunt Sansa and Uncle Tyrion. He had the look of a Lannister, but his bronze curls and blue eyes of his mother. At fifteen, he looked the perfect image of a king-to-be as he listened patiently to his father beside him. Next to my Uncle Tyrion sat his lady wife, Sansa, who was speaking quietly to the king’s Hand and her brother, Lord Bran. 

I approached the table and bowed to King Aegon, who politely ceased his conversation with Lord Gendry and waved at me to approach the table.

“Good Evening, Your Grace.” I said.

“Aye, welcome, Lady Lannister. It is good to see you unmarked by the Hilltribes.”

I smiled, “If they took better care of their weapons, they may have. I am fortunate that their blades were dull as their minds.”

He smiled as Lord Gendry said, “Oh, I’ve seen you swing your blade, don’t be modest!”

“My lord, I would be a true beast if I didn’t maintain my modestly,” I replied.

He laughed, “Just like our Evenstar, you are.”

I blushed at the compliment and Jon waved me off saying, “Your duty is done, my lady.”

“Thank you, Your Grace.” I moved to his left to my cousin and uncle. “Cousin,” I greeted.

He smiled at me and seemed truly happy to see me. He had joined his father in transitioning Casterly Rock into my hands and we were great sparring partners for a time, well before Nymm. “Alys!” He replied. “How was Dorne?”

I flushed, “I had a better time with the Hilltribes.”

I noted my uncle raised an eyebrow, but my cousin laughed, “Really? You seemed to be in good hands with Princess Nymm.”

I shrugged, “It certainly seemed so.” I looked to change the subject, “Will you be entering your tourney, _Prince_ Ned?” He gave me a small glare as I teased him.

“No, he will not.” Uncle Tyrion interjected.

Ned smiled and shook his bronze head, “Not this time.”

“Oh? That’s too bad. I think you would have a real chance at the melee.” 

He smiled, “I will, if you will,” he replied, “If I recall, your form is much better than mine.”

“Form doesn’t count for much in a true fight.”

Ned laughed, “Listen, cousin, I would love to see you push some of these old men 

Into the ground.”

“We’ll see. It certainly would feel good to have a skilled challenge for a change.” I gave my cousin a courteous bow and made my way to the Lannister table.

I was pleased to see Ned’s younger siblings waiting for me at the table. Lann and Robb were twelve and ten, and really should be with their cousins Arianne and Arthur. But, perhaps their mother thought the four would be too much trouble together. All the same, I was glad to have my cousins with me.

The feast was spectacular. The serving men brought out dish after dish, it seemed endless. It felt endless. My cousins were a great boon to me, but I could only tell the story of ambushing a sleeping hillsman so many times. To my surprise, one of my Lannister men observed my agitation and quickly began telling his own stories with the Hilltribes. Perhaps I was finally earning their acceptance.

I used the distraction to look for House Tarth. They were seated across the pavilion from me, which felt so far away. I watched them, sadly, as they laughed and talked with each other. I watched my Sers of Tarth separate the little twins after they upset Ty. I watched my aunt take Ty into her arms and my uncle muss-up his hair. I longed to sit with them and was grateful for when Catelyn finally caught my eye and signalled me to slip out. 

I went rather unnoticed, but I could hear Catelyn being teased by her younger siblings as she attempted to duck out. Their words seemed to indicate they believed she was meeting up with Gerald. Catelyn deflected them expertly, clearly this wasn\t the first time her siblings teased her like this. When she was free, she took my hand and we ran down to the seashore where the world was silenced thundering waves. We sat on a secret patch of beach hidden away by craggy rocks.

Catelyn did not waste anytime as she uncorked her wineskin and asked. “So, what happened, Alys?”

Shrugging, I said, “It’s very much like the fisherman’s daughter, only we were caught.”

She raised her eyebrows, “And, was this one married, too?” 

I shook my head, “Engaged… Well, not anymore.” I took the wineskin from her hands and took a swig of wine.

“If there was a tourney event for the dramatics, I think you might win.” I laughed and she asked, “Do mom and dad know?”

“Yeah, we talked about it before the feast.” I replied, remembering my uncle’s confession to me. A shiver rolled down my spine and I looked over at the girl who in name was my cousin, but in truth, my half-sister. I wondered how she would be knowing the truth. I forced a laugh and said, “They thought I was with child.”

Catelyn nearly choked, “They did not.”

“They did, your father was ready to arrange a wedding for me.”

“And, I suppose you cleared that misconception up?”

“I had to tell them about the nature of my relations with the princess, but yes.”

She looked at me with those green eyes that mirrored my own, “That’s good, how did they take it?”

“We don’t choose the people we love. That’s what they said...”

She nodded, “I knew they would be okay with it. Mom and Dad love you like you were one of us.”

_I am one of you_. I wanted to say it so bad, but I couldn’t, “They handled it very well. I may have to tell Uncle Tyrion... I clearly need help strategizing myself.”

Catelyn laughed, “He will definitely help you with that.” She paused, “I can’t believe a dalliance could go so wrong.”

“Hm… yeah…”

“What?”

I looked out to the sea, “Nothing.”

She took my hand, “Not a dalliance.”

“No… no, not a dalliance.”

“What else happened?”

“She wouldn’t see me after or allow her maid to take a message… Not even a letter.” I paused, blinking back tears, “It’s maddening. Dorne is so different. Love is love down there. They call us paramours. It’s so beautiful.” I sighed, “So I don’t know why she didn’t tell me about her fiance or why she wouldn’t speak to me.”

Catelyn hugged me, “I’m sorry.”

“Me, too.” I wiped me face.

“At least your not with child.”

I laughed, “True. Could you imagine? Our Knights of Tarth would be so upset with me... they were so upset with me.”

She smiled, “You could have started a new Lannister tradition. Only legitimized bastards to rule Casterly Rock.”

I laughed again, “Our grandfather would rise from the dead in a fury.”

Catelyn laughed with me, “Oh gods, no!”

We fell into a comfortable silence for a time, watching the tide roll over the sand, until I said, “Tell me about Gerald.”

She blushed and smiled, “He’s so sweet when he’s not teasing me.”

That made me smile, “But, you’re so easy to tease.”

Catelyn punched my shoulder, “Shut up!”

“What else?”

“He works really hard for mom and even though he’s usually tired from his duties, he still makes time to spar with me a little. It doesn’t even bother him that I can swing a sword.”

“Even though your probably better?” 

“No, he’s really light on his feet.” She said, “But, he has a tendency to over-reach.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, he’ll bend his wrists just to get an extra inch.”

“I’m surprised my Ser Aunt hasn’t broken those wrists yet.”

Catelyn giggled, “She has certainly threatened. I mean Arthur has better form and he’s twelve.”

“Are you actually going to marry a man who can’t keep his wrists straight?”

“I really shouldn’t.”

I looked at her and she looked at me. She was so happy. I knew that happiness, “You should.”

“Don’t give your blessings until you meet him.”

We laid down and watched the stars for a while until she began to drift. Catelyn argued she wasn’t falling asleep, but I could feel her grow heavy beside me. I pulled her up then and I walked her back to her tent where a few Tarth men stood guard. I returned to the shore and sat on the sand, thinking about dark eyes and an infectious laugh. I remembered the feel of her strong legs, her strong hands gripping me tightly. The citrus scent of her body lingering in my bed. Dread pulled me down at the thought of never kissing her lips again.

And, then there was my uncle… my father. How could I have not known? The signs were really there. The way he smiled at me. The weariness I would catch in his eyes, I had thought it was just him remembering my mother, but now I know that it was more. It felt so strange, yet so natural, to want to call him father because, he had been my father. The whole of my life he was my father, and he could never openly acknowledge it.

I watched the stars get chased away by the pinks and yellows of the morning light. I rose with the morning chill and began to wander back to my tent. I turned back to the beach for a moment and I saw them. My Sers of Tarth walking hand in hand, far from me, but close to the seashore. 

The sight reminded me of our first summer on Tarth. The twins and I ran freely through the white sands as our ser parents followed, little Catelyn in Aunt Brienne’s arms. We would spend full days on the beach, the sun would burn my cousins, but toast me nicely. We built castles with Uncle Jaime and he taught us our first sword lessons, so that we may defend them. When we were older, I would wade into the waters and lift Catelyn or Jo onto my shoulders so they could play fight the twins. We would collapse into the waves giggling until water went up our noses. While we sat and ate dried fruits and nuts, I remembered watching them walk just like that, hand in hand across the sand.

I was homesick for those simpler times. I wanted to return to Tarth as I walked stiffly back to my tent. Exhaustion weighed me down and more than once some soldier or squire almost knocked me down. Despite the early hour, there was a flurry of activity amongst the squires. They rushed about with saddles and pieces of armor, all ensuring their knights would be ready for the tourney. I stumbled up to my tent and found Jo waiting for me. I sighed, “My Lady Joanna of Tarth, to what do I owe this early visit?” I asked as I neared her.

“There is a ship coming into the harbor, I heard the maesters whispering this morning.”

I smiled, “And, what is so special about this ship?”

Her eyes were shining with excitement, “They think it’s the Nightslayer’s ship!”

Arya Stark returned home? What strange wind did the gods have to blow to bring her back. I nodded and said, “We’ll have to take my horse if you want to be back before your event. We can ride together like when you were little.”

She smiled and nodded. I led her to the Lannister horses where I found my grey spotted mare. I saddled her quickly, Jo climbed up and I followed sitting behind her. I wheeled my horse around, kicking her up into a trot.

“So, are you going to tell me what’s going on?” Jo asked as we made our way through the tents.

“I don’t know what you mean.” I replied.

She sighed, “I heard mom and dad fighting about the raven from Dorne.”

“Did you?”

“Yes, they were trying to be quiet, but I could hear them.” She paused, “Dad thinks-”

“I know what your father thinks,” I said, interrupting her. I felt suddenly heavy when I said _your father_. “I’ve already reassure him that I’m not with child.”

“So, who did you piss off then?”

I rolled my eyes, “It doesn’t matter.”

“It matters to me! You can trust me, I’m not a child anymore!” She shouted, “You told Catelyn and she’s only a year older than me!”

“It’s not about trust.”

“Yes, it is!” she sighed, exasperated, “You’re just like dad!”

Her words silenced me for a time. A strange feeling bubbled up inside me and before I could stop myself, I said, “I am like him. I’m-”

“I know.” she interrupted, “I know who you are.”

I halted the horse and Jo turned to look at me, “What do you know?” I asked.

“That he’s your father, too.” 

“What are you talking about?” I asked. The look she gave me already said enough, but I wanted to hear her say it out loud.

“You look more like him than any of us, which everyone else thinks comes from your mother, but if you were just a ward, just his niece… He wouldn’t treat you like he does.” She paused and added, “And, they gave you Oathkeeper. Oathkeeper should have gone to Quentyn, but Mom gave it to you.”

I looked down at the lion pommel, “Jo, you might just be the smartest child of Tarth.” She shrugged in response and I kicked the horse moving again. “Do the others know?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Well,” I replied, “let me trust you with this secret.”

“I’ll keep your secret, but take me with you when you return to Casterly Rock. I can be your squire.”

“I’m not a knight.”

“So? Uncle Pod squired for mom and she wasn’t a knight.”

We were coming up on the harbor now and true to the rumors a ship with Stark sails had docked. The ship itself looked as though it had sailed through all seven hells. I halted on high ground so we would have a good view of who ever stepped off the ship when I finally replied, “I can’t make promises, Jo, but I will ask your parents to take you with me.”

“Our parents.” She said, stubbornly.

“Our parents.”

We watched the men aboard the ship move in a flurry unloading supplies. Ropes were cast and knots were tied, but we hadn’t yet seen anyone of great importance until from the lower deck emerged two soldiers in yellow. Panic blossomed in my chest as I watched them descend the plank onto the dock. My stomach dropped and I involuntarily sucked in a hard breath. 

Jo turned and looked at me, “What?”

“We have to go.” I replied. I swung the horse around and kicked her into a gallop.

“What’s wrong?” Jo shouted back.

“Those were Dornish soldiers, which means an envoy from Dorne is on that ship or was on that ship. Either way Dorne is here somewhere.”

She tried to ask more questions, but I ignored them. I returned us to the camps quickly and the whole place was alive with movement, more than just the knights preparing for the tourney. It seemed everyone knew who had was docked. I trotted the horse up to my tent where one of my men took the reins. I let Jo slide down first, but I quickly followed.

I turned to Jo, “You need to prepare for your event.”

“But-”

“Go on! We’ll talk later.” 

Jo grimaced and ran off towards the Tarth tents and I entered my own tent. I froze. She was sitting at my table in gold silk and brown leather armor. Her hair was shorn on the sides, but she had kept it long enough to braid down the center of her head. Her dark eyes were sharpened by dark misted paint. Nymm did not smile at me. I held my breath as I took her in.

“I have a gift for you.” She said suddenly, and it was then that I noticed a box sitting on the table.

Feeling came back into my spine as I asked, “What are you doing here?”

“You didn’t answer my brother.”

“Your brother banished me from Dorne.”

“I would hardly call it banishment.”

I raised an eyebrow, “What are _you_ doing here?”

She blushed and looked away, “I came to apologise.”

Confusion descended around me, “Apologise?”

“I should have told you about-”

“Yes, you should have.”

“But, you would not have-”

“No, I wouldn’t.”

I walked to the back of the tent and hung Oathkeeper, trying desperately to know what my Ser Aunt would do. My mind was empty, blank. I was drowning in the nothingness. I could feel Nymms eyes on my back, waiting for me to speak. I settled instead on what my Uncle Jaime would do. What would my father do? Our conversation from the day before rippled back to me as I picked up a jug of wine and two cups. _We don’t choose the people we love_. I put the cups on the table and poured the wine. Nymm watched me, trying to read my thoughts.

“I saw your men on the Nightslayer’s ship.” I said, dumbly.

Nymm nodded, “Aye, Lady Arya stopped in Sunspear to resupply and kindly granted us passage. I thought that a Dornish ship would send you running.”

I passed her a cup and her fingers brushed mine, “I wouldn’t have run.”

“You haven’t been answering our ravens, is that not running?”

She wasn’t wrong, “I have received much advice in this last day and I no longer need to run.”

A sadness fell across her face, “I am sorry.” She said.

“Me, too.” I replied and sat across from her, cup in hand.

She brought her own cup to her lips. I stopped breathing as I watched her drink. She paused a moment after her first sip and smiled, “This is Dornish.”

“Yes, it is.”

Nymm met my eyes, I felt lost in her stare until she pushed the box across the table. “Your gift.” She said.

I put my cup down and pulled it towards me. It was heavier than I expected. I imagined her lugging in up the hill from the port. I had to stand to open it properly and push aside gold silks to reveal something blue and metallic. I felt weak in the knees as I pulled it out a blue helm shaped into the head of a roaring lion. I ran a hand across it’s beautiful formation.

“I can’t accept this,” I finally said, mesmerized by the craftsmanship.

“It is a gift from my brother… and myself. A true apology.” She stood and took a step towards me, “When I was finally able to make Qyle listen, he was embarrassed by his behavior.”

Qyle had been angry, true, but it was nothing compared to a cold shoulder. I looked at her, “His behavior?”

Nymm flushed, ashamed she looked down for a moment, “I hadn’t told him about us and when it all- when we were- I am sorry, Alys, I panicked. I didn’t understand what I felt for you and suddenly, I was free to be with you and it scared me.” I watched her struggle to find the words, “Alys, I never thought…” She took another step towards me, “I should have told you about my ex-fiance and I should have told Qyle about us… You saved me from a bad match and I will forever be in debt to you.”

I had destroyed their economy and she was thanking me for breaking her match? I swallowed, “But trade-”

“Has improved,” She interrupted, “When my ex-betrothed returned to Essos to wildly complain about my brother and his _whore_ sister, and his friends stopped trading with us, his competitors were eager to trade, if only out of spite.” She laughed and my heart skipped a beat, “Turns out he had a number of competitors. We’ve almost doubled in trade.”

“So, the ravens from your brother?”

“Were to ask you back to Dorne so that we could apologise and thank you in person.” I looked down at the helm and her eyes followed mine, “My Sapphire Lion saved us.” She put a hand on my forearm and as I looked up, she caught my lips in hers.

Our lips fit together perfectly. I was made for her and she was made for me. A warmth spilled from my heart as I deepened my hold on her. I put the helm down on the table and ran a hand up her back. We broke apart for a moment as I pulled her in. Her hands came up to my face and she kissed me again, lightly, softly. There was movement at the tent entrance and we could not seperate fast enough.

“Alys.” 

I looked over to see my Uncle Jaime. I watched the realization dawn in his face and a tension recede from his shoulders. I took a step back from Nymm, “Uncle.”

His eyes darted between us for a split second before he said, “I was going to warn you that Dorne had sent an envoy, but I see that you already know.” A smile twitch at the corner of his mouth.

I blushed, “Um… Yes, I do.” I looked at Nymm who raised a teasing eyebrow, “Uh… Uncle, this is Princess Nymm of Dorne. Nymm, this is my uncle, Ser Jaime of Tarth.”

Her eyes sparkled at me as he reached out to take her hand and when he kissed it, she said, “Ser Jaime. It is a pleasure to meet you..”

My uncle stepped back with a smirk, “Is it? I believe I still have quite the infamous reputation with your family.”

Nymm looked at me again, “Oh, you did, but a certain Sapphire Lion remedied that situation with her own tales.”

He also looked at me, “Did she?” I shrugged and he spied the helm on the table between us, “May I?” He asked. I passed it to him and he took the helm from my hands. “This is wonderful craftsmanship.” 

“A gift for the Sapphire Lion.” Nymm replied.

My uncle laughed, “Is this from you?”

“Yes.”

“The whole realm will know her on sight.”

She smiled, “That is exactly the point.”

He smiled at that, “You should show this to your Ser Aunt.”

I took the helm from his hands and put it back in it’s box. “Maybe she’ll see it at the melee tomorrow.” I replied.

My uncle, my father cupped my cheek, “The Sapphire Lion is sure to win with a helm like that.” I blinked back tears as he turned back to Nymm, “You should join Tarth at supper tonight, my Evenstar will want to hear of Dorne.”

She nodded, “Of course, Ser Jaime, but please, if she is concerned, let her know that Dorne is very well thanks to your niece.”

He raised his eyebrows at that, “Oh, well, I look forward to hearing about it at supper.” His eyes flicked between us as he continued, “I should be off.” He paused, “Alys, when you are free the _Nightslayer_ would like a word with you.” He seemed amused by Lady Arya’s title.

“What for?” I asked.

“Apparently somebody has been telling tales about a Sapphire Lion and she is curious to see you in person.”

I flushed with embarrassment and looked at Nymm who gave me a small smile. I nodded at him and walked him to the entrance. He turned to go, but I grabbed his left hand and pulled him into a hug. He held me tight and whispered, “Be open to forgiveness, Alys. It’s the hardest thing to ask for.” He let me go, smiled at Nymm before he left. He knew better than anyone how hard it was to walk the path of redemption. I would heed his advice, I would be open.

I turned to look at Nymm. She gave me an unsure smile in return, “Your uncle is lovely.”

“He is.” I replied and crossed the tent. I took her hand in mine, brushing her knuckles with my thumb, “When do you return to Dorne?”

“Whenever I see fit.” She raised my hand to her mouth and kissed it, “I would like to finish seeing the Westerlands. Perhaps I can redeem myself in service to the Lady of the Rock.”

I smiled and brushed her face with my other hand, “As Lady of Casterly Rock, I invite you to be my guest.”

“So formal.” She teased.

With a nod I said, “I need time, Nymm, but…” She held her breath, “But, I do love you.”

Nymm took my face in her hands and kissed me, “I love you, Sapphire Lion.”

I fit her hand into mine, interlacing our fingers. I looked down at our hands and knew they would never be pried apart again. Forgiveness was easy and trust… I could trust her again, as long as she never let go of my hand again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for reading. The process of writing this chapter actually required me to cut a bunch of stuff for flow, so if you liked this headcannon please let me know. Because, if there is interest I would like to expand upon this giving a chapter to each kid and then one or two that's just Jaime & Brienne. 
> 
> I literally cannot say thank you enough, this community is truly fantastic.


	3. Jaime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime deals with a defiant and secretive Arianne while haunted by ghosts of his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you for everyone who has read, kudos and commented on this story. I am ecstatic that people are finding joy in it.
> 
> A Chapter Warning: Discussions of Incest

Chapter 3

I looked down at the letter in front of me and attempted once more to read it. It was the third attempt and I honestly could not give a fuck about whatever Bronn was requesting. He always wrote to me when Gendry was being difficult. Of course, difficult simply meant Gendry said no. Yet, Bronn seemed to think I could change that. I sighed and pushed myself from the table. Lord Bronn certainly took pleasure in his new position. Well, not so new now. Maybe that’s what gave Bronn such confidence in demanding services from Tarth, or rather, demanding services from me.

I sauntered over to the window from which I could hear clacks and shouting from the yard. The children were playing in the courtyard below. My children.

“Arthur! Kill the usurper!” Arianne’s voice rang upwards.

I watched as Arthur jumped between Arianne and Ty. He let his brother swing wildly at him as he blocked and parried each blow. Ty was six and was nothing to Arthur who was nearing his thirteenth name day, but Arthur was patient with Ty and would, at some point, allow him a hit. A strange familiarity slid like ice down my back as I felt an echo of a memory ebb in my mind. Arianne encouraging Arthur against Ty. Cersei encouraging me against Tyrion.

“Ser?”

I jumped at the voice behind me and turned, gripping the dagger at my belt. The maester looked at me in surprise. Exasperated, I sighed, “Do not sneak up on me like that, Maester Aron.”

The man was younger than me and very thin, which seemed to make him light on his feet. He moved through the castle quiet as a cat, creeping confidently through the halls. It made me wonder if he enjoyed sneaking up on me as it had been a habit of his since he joined our household. What was the benefit to creeping in such a fashion? Perhaps he hoped to catch a piece of a conversation not meant for his ears. Perhaps he liked to annoy me directly. An attempt at small powers in my home. I honestly should just fucking throw my dagger at him next time. Just to see what would happen.

Maester Aron bowed his head and said, “I simply came to let you know that I have finished examining the Evenstar and everything looks good.”

I smiled at that, “Thank you.” I hoped he recognised that as long as he kept Brienne in good health and did noy speak on anything else, he kept me happy.

“One more thing…”

He did not. “Yes?” I replied.

“Someone has been helping themselves to my medicinal stores.”

I frowned, “Someone is stealing from you?”

“Uh- Yes, Ser.”

“That is unusual. I can’t think of anyone in Evenfall who would rather steal from you than use your services.”

He nodded thoughtfully, “Perhaps. The herbs themselves have many purposes. From what is missing, it seems someone is fighting an infection or a fever… or and I hate to say this… but-”

I held back an eye roll, “Out with it.”

“Some of the missing herbs are key ingredients to moontea... The rest could be taken for misdirection.” As he said this he refused to meet my eyes.

Fuck this asshole. Never have I met a maester so intent on creating gossip. I gave him a contemptuous look, “That would be very clever.”

Maester Aron nodded, “It would have to be a more educated thief, yes.”

I glared at him, “What are you implying exactly?” I knew what he was implying. He was implying that a member of my family was stealing for moontea. As Brienne was close to her time and Alys long from residing within these walls, that left Catelyn. He had once before expressed his distaste for the fact that we allowed Gerald a room in the castle proper, but as he was the son of a high lord and the squire of the Evenstar, a room was the least we could do. Despite making myself clear on that point, he had prompted Septa Orla to speak to us. That did not go well for her.

He got very red at that, “Nothing, Ser, only providing you with as much information as needed to help find the thief.”

“That’s not a lot to go on, but I’m sure we will find your thief. Is that all?”

“Yes, Ser.” And with that, he silently padded away.

I sighed and looked at the desk with its piles of requests and ledgers and wondered how I had gotten here. My father was certainly laughing about it somewhere in the seven hells. It would seem that, at least in duties, I had become a lord of a castle. Irritated by the notion, I left the overwhelmingly boring work for tomorrow and began my prowl for something more interesting. Perhaps my Ser wife, she may still be in our chambers if I was lucky. Evenfall was not a large castle, it never needed to be and the older I got the more I appreciated it’s lack of size. I could be anywhere in the castle in twenty minutes or less and that truly suited me. Especially, when it came to seeking out my Evenstar.

I burst through our chamber doors and was greeted with an irritated, “Jaime!”

I never grew tired of hearing her say my name.

Brienne was changing her tunic, so I tried not to smile too big as I closed the door behind me. I leaned against it admiring her from afar. Brienne was truly close now, her belly large with my child. Though it hadn’t dropped yet, it was only a matter of a couple of weeks, maybe less and then we would have one more. Another small wailing babe. Probably our last child. A girl, I hoped, to balance out our set.

My wife flushed when she noticed me eyeing her and sighed at me as she dropped the tunic back on the bed. She turned to me and I had to focus on looking at her face and not her tits. “What is it, Jaime?” She asked, rather irritatedly, or as irritated as she could muster. There was a smile behind her frown just begging to be let out.

“Nothing.” I said, knowing how much she would hate that response. I took my stump into my left hand and worked at looking casual.

She rolled her eyes and as she turned away, I could see the smile peak at her lips. She grabbed at her tunic half heartedly as I strode up behind her. I wrapped my arms around her expanded waist and kissed her neck. Brienne leaned into me, humming softly at my touch. I smiled, inhaling her scent, luxuriating myself against her. She dropped the tunic and grabbing my forearms as I kissed each scar line the bear had left on her. She leaned her head back against my shoulder and gave me a heavy-lidded side glance. I was lost to the ocean of her eyes.

And, I was hard.

She felt it, too.

Brienne turned around in my arms and her belly pushed us apart. Without looking at me or speaking, she deftly untied my belt. It and the dagger fell heavily to the ground. I looked down to see her fingers work at my pant laces, but they were lost to my sight. I settled then to watch the flex in her bicep and the quake in her breasts. When the laces were sufficiently loosened, she pushed down my pants and I was free. I held back a moan of exceleration.

“Eyes up, Ser.” She said.

I looked up into those big blue eyes and she laughed at me as she pulled my shirt over my head. As she undid her own laces and I reached up to gently brush her cheek. I traced her collarbone with kisses, inhaling her deep within me. Her pants dropped to her ankles, their large size matching only her waist really and nothing else. I took her hand, turning us so that I could sit back in our bed. I steadied my wife as she crawled onto the bed and carefully settled herself across me. I groaned softly as she lowered herself onto me. I felt the weight of her between my thighs as I slid my hand to her lower back.

“What is this all about?” She asked as her hips begin their circular tour.

“I love you.” I replied, earnestly.

I pushed myself deeper into her. She, in return, gasped softly. I leaned back to leverage ourselves into a better position. We worked together, intandem, motions we knew by heart.

“I love you, too.” She said, her eyes on mine.

I ran my left hand up her back and watched a red flush blossomed across her chest and neck. She moved faster then, and I matched her speed. Our breaths heavy together. Brienne gripped my shoulders tighter and I had to close my eyes to focus on holding back. She twisted slightly while her hips made their celestial turn. Instinctively, I arched against her movements, driving us to move harder against each other. I felt it before I heard her. Brienne tightened around me, she gasped out her release. And, thanking the gods I could hold on so long, I shuddered in pure pleasure. I fell back against the mattress, languid and spent. My wife, sweet Brienne, stayed heavily on my hips. After several long moments she rolled off of me and laid down beside me. Blindly, I reached out for her hand and found it, interlacing my fingers with hers.

Between breaths, she said, “You… were bored… weren’t you?”

I laughed, “Yes… I was.”

She threw a leg over mine, “So, was I.”

I looked over at her. Her eyes were closed and her breathing had begun to even out, “Didn’t you just have an appointment with the maester?”

Brienne looked at me, eyebrow cocked, “It’s hardly exciting, if it ever was.” She brushed back her hair, “Honestly, at this point I’m telling him what to look for.”

“Hm.” Was all I could say. Maester Aron was not as experienced and it didn’t surprise me that Brienne found that annoying at the moment. “He’s quite the prick, isn’t he?”

“He’s inexperienced.” Brienne said, dutifully, confirming my own thoughts.

“Oh, indeed he is. He had the audacity to imply that Catelyn is stealing from his stores.”

Brienne side-eyed me, “He did not.”

“He did. He said someone was stealing herbs from him and that those herbs can fight an infection, but more importantly that some of those herbs can make moontea. Now what am I supposed to say to that?”

“I’m sure you handled it well.”

I shook my head, “I don’t like him.”

“Me neither.” My wife replied.

I took that in and as I put my hand to her belly, I said, “Maybe we should get you a midwife for this one.”

She scoffed, “Maybe you should just do the delivery. You’ve been through six of them.”

I smiled, “I would still need an extra hand, love.”

Brienne looked at me, “A midwife may be prudent.”

“It’s up to you.”

“I’ll think about it.” She brushed my hair back. Her fingers felt good against my head. We were silent for a time before she asked, “Has Gendry written about the wedding yet?”

I nodded, “Yes, he wants to know who you would like to invite. He thinks this will be a large wedding.”

She chuckled, “Certainly, we need to invite the Eastern lords, all of them, then there’s Alys and her paramour, which may mean inviting Prince Qyle and his entourage. We have to invite the Starks and, Lord Glover and Lord Karstark as a thank you for taking the twins to squire. Then there’s the King and his council.”

I closed my eyes thinking about all of these numbers before I replied, “So a large wedding. We can’t host that lot here.”

“It would have to be at Storm’s End regardless. When Gerald takes his seat, he will outrank us.”

“Hmph.” I gave her a side glance, “Where is Gerald anyways? Shouldn’t he have been here attending you?”

“I sent him with Catelyn to receive our ship reports.”

I sat up abruptly, “Alone?”

Brienne laughed, “Yes all alone.” She patted my thigh, “Septa Orla is their chaperone.” She sighed then, “Help me up, please, I have work to do and so do you.”

I smirked a little as I stood up, “I should leave you trapped here. I could keep you to myself then.”

She reached out a hand, “I would eventually find my way up.”

I took her hand and helped her slowly sit up. “Of that I have no doubt.” I replied as I helped her stand. I retrieve her pants and, kneeling, held them open for her. With her left hand on my shoulder, she stepped into them. I pulled them up to her right hand. As she tied her laces, I sought out her tunic. I passed it to her and then went about finding my own clothes. When it was time, Brienne helped me with my laces.

She looked thoughtful as she said, “Jaime…”

“Hm?”

“When Maester Aron was here earlier, he brought with him a letter from Tyrion.”

I sighed, more requests. “What does my brother want?”

Wordlessly, she picked up a scroll from the bedside table and passed the scroll to me. I took it and unrolled it. Evenstar, I have been considering the future of the realm, in particular the need to find a match for my son. As the future king, I feel he will need a well balanced and intelligent companion. I had initially considered Catelyn, but it seems I missed the opportunity. Joanna is a fine girl, but after observing her at the tourney, I feel she may resent such a union. With this in mind, I am curious to know if you’re Arianne is such a candidate. If she is like her sister Catelyn, then we have naught to worry. - Tyrion.

I frowned. If she is like her sister Catelyn? There was bitterness in my mouth as I reread the letter. I should write back to Tyrion and tell him how like our lord father he was. Arianne was still young enough to do as she was told… Dread began to take root inside me. Some deep anxiety I could not name was awaking and suddenly I was angry.

“Well?” Brienne asked.

“Well what?” I snapped back. I bit my tongue at my tone.

She gave me a look before replying calmly, “Tyrion's proposal is not unexpected.”

“She is still a child.”

“Obviously we would wait until she was of age, but she could foster with the Starks and build a proper friendship with Ned in the meantime.”

“And, you would force her into this arrangement? Like your father tried to do with you?” My tone was brimming on madness.

Brienne frowned deeply at me, “Arianne will not be set aside because of her looks, nor are we promising her to man old enough to be her father. And, if you recall, I was prepared to honor my father’s match. Well the first match.”

I frowned then, “I will not consent!”

“I don’t require your consent, Ser. I was seeking your counsel.” She was losing her patience now. I could hear how my tone annoyed her. And, she was right. As the Evenstar she did not need my consent. I was her consort, a shield for her back. I was not her lord.

“Well, now you have it.” I replied bitterly.

“I suppose I do.” My Ser wife watched me for a moment before asking, “To what do you object, exactly?”

I opened my mouth to answer but no words came out. I could feel the blood rushing from my limbs. There was something that needed to be fought, but nothing to fight. I could not justify my anger, I could not restrain it. Finally I said, “It’s not right.”

“To make our daughter, our third daughter, a match?”

“Yes.”

She sighed at me, “Jaime, you understand that there is no better offer than this. She would be married to Eddard Stark, Sansa and Tyrion’s son. The heir to our King. She knows him. He knows her. Arianne would be queen-”

Queen. Something snapped. I felt it. I could see Brienne was still talking, but I had stopped listening. She would be queen. Queen. What if madness ran in my blood? What if that crown was the poison from which madness was evoked? What if I was condemning her to be Cersei reborn? Cersei had been a bright, beautiful thing once until Father promised her to a rebel king and put that crown on her head. Like a slow poison she became vengeful, spiteful, hateful…Arianne would not go to King’s Landing, even if I had to spirit her away-

“Jaime?”

I blinked and realised Brienne had noticed my mental absence “Yes?” I asked softly.

There was deep-rooted concern on her face as she asked, “What’s wrong?”

I shook my head, “It’s nothing.”

“No…” She replied, “What’s wrong?” She took me by the forearm and sat us down on our bed.

I reached out and rested my hand on her belly. Our youngest babe moved about beneath my hand as I avoided Brienne eyes, “This doesn’t feel right.”

She put a hand over mine, “What do you mean?”

“I mean… King’s Landing has never been a good place for my family. What if we send Arianne there and she-” I couldn’t finish my thoughts.

“Tell me, Jaime.” Brienne prodded softly.

I swallowed, “What if the madness finds her?”

Brienne was silent for a moment. I looked up to see her eyes on our hands, biting her lower lip. “Madness is not a disease.” She paused, considering my words. At last she said, “Arianne is not your sister.”

“I see so much of Cersei in her.” I replied.

“That’s not Cersei, Jaime, that’s you. Arianne is very much your daughter.”

“Cersei was my mirror.” I argued.

Brienne sighed, she understood to some extent what I had once felt. Never fully though. It was not a thing that could be explained. It was so unfamiliar to the rest of the world. So, who could understand such a feeling? Jon - King Aegon perhaps. He had loved Daenerys Targaryen. His aunt by blood. We had one conversation, Jon and I, a year or so after his coronation. We were drunk at Gendry’s wedding and alone on a parapet and it slipped out of his mouth. This shame and guilt he had been holding onto in the name of love. He had wanted to speak to me of it long before then, but he never had the courage to seek my advice, the courage to be an confidant like that.

“Arianne will never be a mad queen.” Brienne said defiantly, pulling me from my thoughts. “Because we will not be sending her to King’s Landing to be a broodmare for a lecherous king. If we agree to this match, we will teach our daughter law, strategy, command, and anything else she will need to be equal to Ned. If Tyrion wanted a simple girl he would have written to any of the other Southern lords for one of their daughters, but he didn’t, which means he wanted someone clever, someone capable of sharing the burden of the crown.”

I grasped her hand, “I don’t know, Brienne.”

She brushed the back of my hand with her thumb, “I don’t need to reply immediately and with the babe so close now, Tyrion will be even more forgiving in a delayed response. I will consider your thoughts, whenever you have them, just bring them to me.”

I nodded, “As you command, Evenstar.”

She gave me a small laugh and nudged me with her shoulder. I had no intention of giving this arrangement anymore thought. Arianne would not go. I would not let her go.

***

Our swords clanged against each other as I blocked Geralds back swing. He threw his strength into two more swings, which I parried clumsily. The collision of our steel rang up my arm as I sidestepped my young opponent. He was so driven by his attack, Gerald practically ran past me with the force of his next move. To which I took advantage and I hooked his foot causing him to trip. He landed gracelessly on the ground.

“Up now,” I said to him before his pride could keep him in the dirt.

Dutifully, he got up, “I shouldn’t have charged.”

“No,” I replied. “You can’t rely solely on strength.”

He nodded, “Do you have time for another round, Ser?”

I did, but my arm was beginning to feel like rubber. Taking over Gerald’s sword practices from Brienne had initially seemed like a good idea. I could practice. He could practice. But, all it was make me feel old. He was stronger than me and had more stamina. I could see my wife’s strategies in his footwork, his swings, his blocks. If Gerald actually had the patience to follow through on what Brienne had taught him, I would be nothing. However, he was still learning and I had the dirty tactics Bronn taught me years ago. It was a small edge, but enough to keep me out of the dirt and my future goodson in it.

“No, I need to attend to Evenfall.” I replied. Though this was true, I really just needed to rest my arm.

Gerald nodded, “Then I will see what tasks Ser Brienne has for me.”

“What about a round with me?”

Gerald and I turned to Catelyn, who sat, watching courtside. I smiled through a pang of sadness, knowing I could not refuse her. “Of course, my girl.” I replied. I shook out my arm and turned away so she couldn’t see how it pained me.

Out of the corner of my eye I watched Gerald take off his leather breastplate and synch it onto to Catelyn. She smiled at him sweetly as she pulled his sword from his hand. She approached me, sword at the ready. She looked so much like Brienne. Cat had Brienne's focused look, her strong frame. It made me think of that day on the bridge. How strong Brienne was. How strong Catelyn is now. She swung at me and I lightly blocked and parried. She danced out of the way as I swung again at her. Catelyn came around and each of her strikes were light as she picked at my defenses. I tried not to smile at this game she was playing. She knew my movements well, but I appreciated her resolute practice in her approach.

It wasn’t long before she had me tiring. Cat had learned well from Brienne. She took her time with her opponents. A good strategy, if her opponent wasn’t prone to cheating… Or, using her emotions against her. She was herding me around the courtyard when I threw out my forearm to block a swing. Her eyes widened and I expected her to halt her swing, maybe drop her sword. She wouldn’t hurt her dear old Dad.

Cat did though.

In the last second she twisted her blade so the flat would slap against my arm. In surprise I dropped my sword and she pointed her blade at me. Laughing and holding back stinging tears, I said, “I yield. I yield.”

She dropped her sword and grabbed my right forearm, “Dad!” She pushed back my sleeve to reveal a thick line of red.

I grimaced at what would surely turn into a bruise, “I was trying to cheat.” I replied, smiling, “I had hoped to make you hesitate.”

Gerald ran up to us, “Can I get the Maester for you, Ser?”

“No, it’s fine. Just a well earned bruise.” I replied.

Cat bit her lip, just like her mother would, and said, “Mom taught us not to hesitate.”

I nodded, “I should have remembered.” I sighed, “Anyways, I am done for the day. Go on, I’ll put the swords away.”

“Ser-”

“Gerald if you are not in the castle in thirty seconds to attend the Evenstar, I will have thrown off this island.” I added a smile to my threat. He bowed his head in response and headed for the castle.

Catelyn was not as easily dissuaded, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

I smiled at her, “This arm has had worse than a good slap.” As I said this, I looked pointedly at my own stump. “Go on, I’m sure you have better things to do then nurse an old lion.”

“Dad.”

“It’s fine go on.”

She grimaced, but didn’t argue. I watched her head back to the castle as I tucked one sword under my right arm and picked up the other. I walked them to the stables. As I put the swords away, I could hear voices. My children’s voices. They were fighting and I didn’t have to guess who was fighting. Following the voices I found myself behind the stables, or as close to them as possible. Ty stood in front of a small opening between the stables and a craggy shelf the walls stood upon. He was shouting into it’s dark void.

“Ty?”

He turned to me, tears on his face, “Arianne won’t let me play with them!”

Of course she wasn’t. Arianne had a possessiveness over her twin that made my right hand twitch. She was always the one to start the fights with Ty. She was the one demanding they be left alone.

“Arianne.” I called out.

There was a shuffling in the small cave and then my daughter poked her head out, “What?” Her tone was defensive, daring me to fight her.

“Why can’t Ty play with you?”

She huffed, “I already told him. We’re playing Witch in the Forest and the witch can have only one visitor at a time.”

My arm was beginning to throb. I held back and looked for her twin, “Arthur?”

There was silence behind Arianne, I watched her bite her lip. She was nervous. Why would she be nervous? Something from deep inside me shivered, crawling slowly down my back, whispering something- And, then Arthur appeared. He pushed past his twin, standing in front of her.

“What is Witch in the Forest?” I asked. All three of my children stiffened. My tone came out harsh as that shiver transformed into irritation.

Arthur looked at his feet, “You entered the witches cave and ask if she’s home. When she answers you ask for your future or a spell or a potion. She gives it to you for a price.”

“What is the price?” I asked as dread formed between my shoulders.

Arthur shrugged, “It depends on the ask.”

I looked between the twins and there was an air of guilt between them. They were hiding something, something their brother couldn't see. “And, why can’t Ty play?”

“Only two of us can play.” Arianne replied, her tone implying that was obvious. “The witch and the knight.”

“I told you I could be the frog!” Ty suddenly shouted, “All witches have frogs.”

Arianne rolled her eyes, “They have familiars and they’re not always frogs, but this witch doesn’t have one.”

I raised an eyebrow, “Why is that?”

“Maggie the Frog is her own familiar. That’s why she’s called Maggie the Frog!”

Maggie the Frog? I knew the name but I couldn't place it. Another chill began creeping over my shoulders as I observed the three of them. Arianne was very insistent that she and Arthur played alone. In a dark cave. Where no one could see them or hear them. I pushed back against an unbidden thought, but it reared its ugly head. Someone was stealing from the maester. Arianne had not yet flowered. She was innocent. They were innocent. She is not Cersei. I repeated the thought hoping to believe it.

I clenched my fist. My arm was throbbing painfully under my sleeve, the heat of the slapped skin goading my anger, “Find a way to let your brother join your game or play something else.”

“This is our game!” Arianne was not giving in.

I could feel the anger pulsating at my forehead as I took a deep breath, “Arianne. Arthur. You will find a way to include your brother or you will find yourselves in your rooms. Do you understand me?”

In unison the twins replied, “Yes, Ser.”

I nodded, “Good, now go and find somewhere other than this hole to play.” The children did not need to be told twice. They ran off towards the gates of Evenfall. “And, stay away from the cliffs!” I shouted.

I looked down at the little cave. Innocent, I repeated in my head, they are innocents. Arianne is not Cersei.

***

Evenfall was eerie at night and a decade and a half of living here had not eased the experience. The wind moaned against the walls of the castle and the errant brush of a breeze made the journey back from the kitchens uneasy. It was moments like these that made me wish Ty had been our last babe. If only I could manage to stay away from my Ser wife, I wouldn’t be stalking the halls with a cloth of salt fish in the dead of night.

A skittering down the hall caught my attention. I stopped mid stride to listen for the rodent responsible, but I was only met with silence. After a long moment I continued on my way to the tower stairs and was about to take the first step, when I heard it again. This time I knew what the skittering was, not the scampering of a rat, but the soft rushing of a child's footing. I turned back to the hall and saw nothing in the darkness, but I did not need to see them to know that one of my many children were out of their bed.

I took two of the steps to feign leaving, but remained watchful of the dark. Sure enough, by the third step a small shadow crept out of an alcove and had begun to creep away from me.

“Hold!” I said, loudly. The shadow froze. “Turn around.” I ordered and was surprised to see Arianne. “Come here.” I said firmly.

She kept her eyes on her feet as she slowly walked forward. At this angle she looked more like me, she looked more like Cersei. I swallowed, trying desperately to push away that thought. When she finally stood before me, Arianne looked up with her big blue eyes. Blue eyes flecked with green…

“What are you doing out of bed?” I asked, perhaps more harshly than I intended.

“No reason,” She mumbled and I knew immediately she was hiding something.

“It’s the middle of the night.” I replied.

A frown was suddenly fixed on her face, “What are you doing out of bed?” She asked. A rage was already simmering in my gut as I was not prepared to be spoken to like that from my youngest daughter.

“It doesn’t matter why I am out of bed. You on the other hand have no business being anywhere besides under your covers.”

She did not like that. I could see the stubbornness in the redness of her cheeks, “Fine, I’m going to bed!” She then tried to walk past me up the stairs.

“Not before you tell me why you’re creeping around.” I said and I blocked her with my forearm.

She huffed, “It’s nothing!”

I looked back down the hall to assess if it really was nothing. In that direction were the kitchens, the great hall, the tower where the boys slept… where Arthur slept. “Arianne, you will tell me what you are about.” I demanded, trying to remain calm. It was innocent. She is innocent. Innocent like Cersei and I? I cursed the thought.

“I’m not about anything!” She replied defiantly.

I tried to give her the best impression of a look my father would have given me, but she did not even flinch, “So, you are in the habit of wandering the castle at night?”

“No.”

“Then what are you doing out of bed?”

“I have just as much of a right to move about this castle as you do.” She replied hautly, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

Where did my sweet little girl learn to speak like- I couldn’t finish the thought. Rage was boiling over inside me as a responded, “I am a knight of this castle, which gives me the right to go when and where I please as long as it serves my Evenstar. You are at best a lady of the castle and it is inappropriate for you to wander the halls at night. Not to mention this is a blatant disregard for you safety.” She refused to look at me, “Now, one last chance, why are you out of bed?” She refused to speak. After a moment I said, “So be it. Get back to your room, you’re confined there until you are willing to explain yourself.”

That made her mad, “But, Dad!”

“Go!”

She stomped up the stairs quickly, but not faster than the tears running down her face. I followed slowly listening to her hurried steps. I heard her door slam, but I could not be certain she actually went through it. I stopped to check. I opened the door a fraction and saw her little shape shaking with tears on her bed. I closed the door.

I returned to my own chambers and was greeted with, “What’s going on?”

I sighed and trudged despairingly towards Brienne, “I caught Arianne out of bed.”

Brienne frowned, “Why was she out of bed?”

I sat on the edge of the bed, holding out the cloth that contained her salted fish, “She refused to tell me.” I replied, bitterly.

She took the fish, “That’s odd.” I nodded and watched her rest the fish on her belly as she unwrapped it. I tried not to smile, but honestly it was funny. “Stop laughing.” Brienne frowned at me.

“Let me enjoy this, Brienne, I’ll never get to see you like this again.”

She rolled her eyes at me, “If this pregnancy has taught me anything, it’s that there is no certainty in that.” I laughed and she picked at her fish thoughtfully, “What did you do when she refused to explain herself?”

“I sent her to her room until she tells me.”

Brienne nodded, “That seems fair.” Then she sighed, “I don’t like the idea of her keeping secrets from us.”

“Hm, me neither.” Unbidden my mind went to my childhood. We were younger than Arianne is now. My mother had put a guard on Cersei’s door. “I don’t want to have to put a guard on her door.”

“Why would we put a guard at her door?”

I blinked, “To stop this from becoming a habit.” Not that it actually stopped us. Fuck, we just got better at sneaking around.

Brienne looked at me, “Jaime, we need to build trust with her. A guard will only ensure she continues to keep secrets.”

I shrugged, knowing she was right, “What do you suggest then?”

“We talk to her.”

It was my turn to roll my eyes, “I just tried to talk to her.”

My wife raised an eyebrow at me, “It sounded like you were interrogating her. That’s not a conversation, Jaime.”

I launched myself from the bed, pulling my shirt over my head, “Fine, you talk to her then.”

She sighed at me, “You need to talk to her. She needs to understand that you’ll listen to her.”

I pulled at the laces of my pants and did not respond. Brienne kindly did not push the subject. I crawled into the bed beside her and said, “I do listen to her.”

“Do you?”

I rolled onto my side and faced away from my wife, “She is always fighting me.”

“You mean challenging you.”

That’s exactly what I meant, but I wouldn’t admit to it. When we challenged our father as children, we felt it. A stern hand with a stern word. It had worked, somewhat, but in the end Tyrion became a drunken whoremonger, Cersei a power-hungry tyrant and I- I became a sister-fucking kingslayer. So what use was that stern hand after all?

When I did not reply Brienne asked, “Will you talk to her tomorrow?”

I grunted in response, not wanting to make promises. I listened as she leaned over and blew out the candle. I felt her shift until her belly pressed against my back. Her hand touched my shoulder gently then made its way down my arm to entangle with my fingers. I felt her push against me, stretching as she kissed the back of my neck.

Softly, she said, “Be patient with her, Jaime.”

Be patient with her. My father had been patient with Cersei and she was no better for it.

***

I woke early in the morning. The sky was lightening into a golden yellow, Brienne was still sleeping. At some point in the night she had rolled away from me and kicked the furs away. As I gently crawled out of bed, I placed a lighter fur back over her. Quietly, I dressed and made my way to Ariannes room. I found her as I had left her, only this time she was sleeping. She looked peaceful despite her rosy cheeks streaked with dried tears. I remembered holding her for the first time. She hadn’t even been properly cleaned yet, she was only this scawling, red, little thing. Unhappy to be in this world.

Unhappy to be in this world.

I settled myself on the edge of her bed and gently shook my daughter, “Arianne.” Her eyes fluttered open, and she looked at me with those blue eyes. The morning light catching the flecks of green. “Are you ready to talk?” I asked softly.

Her face crumpled inward as she remained stubbornly silent.

Hot anger coiled in my chest, “Arianne.” I said a bit more forcefully, “What were you doing out of bed last night?”

She sat up and rubbed her face. Through her frown I could see that there was something shameful in her expression. Finally, she said, “I wanted to see Arthur. The winds at night scare me.” A lie I knew. She wanted to see her brother, but the winds don’t scare her. Storms have never scared Arianne, not even as a babe.

Fear ripped through my anger and scraped along my spine, daring me to call out the lie. Innocent. She is an innocent. They are innocents. I swallowed back my thoughts, “Why not go to Cat or your mother?”

“Cat would call me a baby.”

I frowned at that. “She wouldn’t.”

“She would!” Arianne said defiantly. “Cat only liked Alys. I used to go to Jo, but Alys took her.”

It was true that Cat and Alys had a close friendship and that in return Jo and Arianne had paired off together. As a family, Catelyn had always seemed patient and kind with all her siblings, but I had never seen Arianne and Cat alone together. They did not have a close friendship. A cunning diversion, was my daughter seeking sympathy to hide her lie? I pressed on, “And, your mother?”

“Mom doesn’t have time for me.”

I watched a weight come over her. Brienne did her best to secure time with all our children, but between the eight of them and the duties of the Evenstar, it was difficult at the best of times, “Of course she has time for you.”

Arianne shook her head, “Not with Cat’s wedding, or Gerald or the new baby.”

“The babe isn’t even here yet.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“I know it’s hard to get time with your mother, sometimes I only see her when it’s time to sleep, but you know she loves you and would do anything to help you. Especially if you’re scared.”

Arianne looked away. She was angry, there was a bitterness in it. I was familiar with this kind of bitterness. It was made out of loneliness. It was made out of resentment. I saw the seeds of it here in her, I had seen them before. They were the kind that formed Cersei. I was watching them form again in front of my eyes. I was powerless to stop it before, but this time, this time I could ensure they did not entangle her brother. So, I pressed my purpose.

“You can’t go to your brother like that.”

“Why?”

“Because, it’s inappropriate.”

“He’s my twin.”

“It’s not about that.” It was exactly about that.

“I don’t understand!”

“I know, but you need to understand that you are no longer children and people talk.” I said.

She stared at me, angry and confused, “Talk about what?”

That the Kingslayer bedded his sister. Got on her four bastards. That you and your brother are likely the same. “Anything. Everything. Listen, you can’t be alone with your brother anymore. Just- just understand that at least.”

I launched myself from the bed and practically fled the room.

“Am I still confined to my room?” She asked as I reached the door.

I paused a moment. I should confine her here for the rest of her days, but she is innocent. Innocent for now. Finally replied, “No.” With that I left her.

***

After another unproductive day I returned to our rooms. I avoided both my work and my family, and that left me apathetic. I felt dull and aimless as I entered the empty room, so I sat myself in front of the fire, hunching over my fist. Arianne had been on my mind all day. She felt lonely. She felt abandoned. She was acting out, I knew, holding on to Arthur like her last breath. I could not let her drown Arthur, too. The door opened and closed behind me. My wife stepped lightly across the floor. From the corner of my eye, I watched Brienne lower herself into the chair across from me.

“You missed dinner,” she said.

“I got caught up with the ledger.” I lied.

She gave me a look, “Oh, the ledger. You must be getting old if the ledger is so interesting.”

I narrowed my eyes, “I’m not getting old, I’m just ensuring Evenfall does not fall into ruin.”

“Uh-huh.” She teased, “What was so engrossing about our sums that you missed dinner?”

“Listen, Wench, I will not be teased for serving you.”

She laughed, “So dutiful, one might think you were avoiding something.”

Brienne got me there. I shrugged and said, “I suppose.” We were silent for a time as I stared off into the fire, avoiding her eyes, but I could feel them on me. Watching me. After a time I asked, “What is it?”

“I found Arianne hiding in the library today. What did you say to her?”

I looked up at her, “We discussed her midnight adventure.”

“She said she couldn’t be around Arthur anymore. I spent almost an hour convincing her otherwise.” I looked away as she asked, “Why would she think that, Jaime?”

I sighed, “They’re too close, Brienne, it’s inappropriate.”

“Are Quentyn and Endrew too close?”

“That’s not the same.”

“The only difference is you.” Brienne replied, “Arianne is not your sister and Arthur is not you.”

I shiver ran down my spine, “Arianne was sneaking out to see Arthur in the middle of the night. Isn’t that suspicious to you?”

My wife shook her head, “They’re children, Jaime.”

“But, not for long. Their innocence will one day be gone... It may already be gone.”

Anger flooded Brienne’s face. “What are you talking about?”

“Arianne will flower soon-”

“Jaime!”

“And with that comes certain impulses.” I finished.

“You put a lot on her. Does Arthur have no say in this conspiracy you’ve created?”

“He will choose her-”

“Like you chose Cersei?”

Yes! I thought, but did not dare to say aloud. I stared at her across the room, “Arthur would do anything for Arianne.”

There was disgust on Brienne's face and after a long moment she said, “Don’t burden our children with your sins. It’s not fair.”

I swallowed and averted my eyes, “I cannot unsee it, Brienne.” I whispered.

I could feel her eyes burning into me, looking for something to say. For all of her wisdom, this was something beyond even her. She knows nothing of these things. What argument can she make?

Carefully, shakily, she asked, “Is this how it started for you?”

I was surprised by the bravery in the question. The sincerity in her tone tore at my heart. It was strange that for all the time we had been together I had not spoken of how it started. It was enough that she knew. Explaining why it began never made sense as an adult because how do you explain something that felt like it always was? In the beginning, my love for Cersei, our intimacy had not been a thing of corruption. It had been like a reunion of one body, our truest form. How do I explain that purity?

Yet…

Even then we knew something was wrong. The reaction from our mother when she had caught us had said it all. To us, Mother was wrong. Her actions ignited an obsessive passion. The obsessiveness in which we pursued each other twisted ourselves into objects, play things, really. We used each other to rebel against our fathers deterministic will and the king we were both bound to. It was isolating, lonely and cold.

I turned my body towards her as I replied just as softly, just as carefully, “No, not really. We were together before we truly realized what it meant.” Brienne waited patiently and I didn’t really know what else to say.

“You see the ghost of yourselves in our children.” She said as I moved from the chair to sit on the stool in front of her. Brienne did not tense at my approach.

I felt a tremble in my chest and shame pricking my eyes, “They look like us. They sound like us. What if they are too much like me?” I reached out and she took my hand. “We’ve been lucky so far, our eldest have really taken after you... That luck is bound to run out.”

My wife leaned forward to brush back my hair, “I see so much of you in all of them, but that doesn’t mean they are you, or the man you were, or the boy you were.” She pulled me into her and I rested my head on her chest. I listened to the beat of her heart. Brienne held me safely in her embrace.

“How can you not see these things?” I whispered, angry at my vulnerability.

“You’re the only one who can see these shadows, dear.” Her hand ran through my hair, her heart beating in my ear. I felt the swell of her against me and wondered briefly how I could curse such innocent children. Shadows danced in my mind as I listened to her sigh, “Perhaps we should send Arthur to squire.”

I sat up then, “Seperate them?”

She looked at me, “Arthur will be thirteen soon and you know he wants to be a knight-”

“We can’t separate them.” No! No, no, no, no, no. That will only makes things worse.

I watched the anger in her spread across her chest red and blotchy. Brienne took a slow breath in before she asked, “What is it that you want, Jaime? They can’t be together, but we can’t separate them.” I could hear the simmering anger in her voice. “I can’t be having these conversations with you every night. I can’t have you casting shadows over them because Arianne and Arthur are doing what children do.” She paused for a breath, “Children need secrets, they need their space. You can’t go on filling that space with your own fears.”

I grimaced and stood up, “So, I should let our children stumble down this path?”

Brienne rolled her eyes at me, “Gods help me, yes.”

I kicked my chair, sending it groaning backwards, “Why?!”

My wife fixed me with a ball-shrinking glare, “Because, no matter what you do, they will choose their paths. We cannot force them to do or be anything. Just remember for one moment how much you fought against your father's demands, how much I fought against mine.” She paused like she was pained and rubbed at her chest.

Oh gods, not now. I just had to fight her with her now, “Are you-”

She cut me off with the wave of a hand and forced out, “It’s just heartburn.” She paused, “Listen, Ser, you are not the only one who sees the shades of your former life in our children. I can tell you that it is hard to separate yourself, but they are not us.”

That caught me off guard, “What are you talking about?”

Brienne leaned back in her chair, giving me a tired look, “Catelyn and Gerald. Gerald is a true Baratheon. He looks like Renly, the way that Gendry looks like Renly, and here’s our girl, a girl of Tarth marrying the future Lord Baratheon. It made me think, had I been beautiful-”

“You are beautiful.” I interrupted, my anger forgotten for a moment to brighten the ocean of her eyes.

Brienne ignored me and continued, “If I had been beautiful, would Renly have married me? And then, who would I have been? I would not be a knight, fought the Long Night… Married you. If Catelyn marries Gerald… Well, it changes who she will be and can I- we let her do that? Will this marriage limit her future ambitions? Can she have future ambitions?”

I sat back down on the edge of the bed and brushed aside her hair, “I didn’t know this bothered you so much.”

“It doesn’t, but it does.” She put a hand to my forearm.

“If you’re worried we can call it off.” I said.

She brushed the end of my wrist with a thumb, “No, Cat would never forgive us. Gerald would be heart-broken. Gendry would be furious… These fears are my fears. I have to tell myself that Gerald is not Renly. He does not need the smoke of a wife to hide himself, nor will he hold her back. And, Catelyn is not me.” She sighed, “I know that a lost hope for a betrothal does not compare, but Jaime-”

I shook my head, “It doesn’t matter.” I raised my forearm so I could kiss her hand. It was true. They did not compare well, and I did not have the will to explain what Cersei had cost me. The toll of her possessiveness over me. The things I would do to keep that love filling my emptiness. And yet… I had to admit, for all my own parents had tried, Cersei and I had come together regardless. This must be how the gods seek to punish me. I am cursed to watch my children do the same. “I will let them be.”

She cupped my face and pulled me towards her, “Do not ignore them. You are their father and they already feel your distance.” She kissed me lightly.

I kissed her back, feeling that distance may actually be what we need.

***

Regardless of our conversation, I did keep my distance. I observed the twins quietly and found that they were better about their secret, whatever it was. From the window of my study I could see them dodge Ty and sneak away to their little cave. They whispered to each other at dinner when they thought everyone distracted by Gerald’s storytelling. At night, I would lie awake trying not to think of my little girl creeping towards her brothers room. Once it had been too much and when Brienne was deep in her sleep, I crept quietly from our rooms. Arianne lay sleeping in her bed.

The shame of mistrust burned me out.

After that I focused on my work. Finally replying to Bronn, telling him in not too few words where he could stick his request. I dipped the quill into the ink pot and thought about how I was going to respond the Gendry. He didn’t give a fuck about pleasantries, and replying to him was easy. I laughed to myself as I scratched out a few words, but was interrupted by a knock. I threw the quill aside.

“Enter.” I called and Maetser Aron escorted Arianne into my study. By the looks on their faces this wasn’t going to be pleasant. My right-hand twitched. I looked down at the end of my stump and I fought against an impulse of anger.

“Ser, I have caught the thief.”

No. Oh gods, no. I looked from the maester to Arianne, who refused to meet my eyes, “Caught her in the act?”

“I did. She was helping herself to my medicinal herbs.”

“Oh.” I replied. I leaned back in my chair to observe my daughter. The mixture of panic and anger was not settling well within me. How was I going to tell her mother? Arianne peaked up at me and then looked away again. I could only imagine what the expression on my face was. “Leave us, Maester Aron.”

“Ser, I really think-”

“I don’t care what you think.” I snapped.

Arianne flinched, but the maester bravely held his ground. I looked at the man cooly and I could see him assess the situation. He nodded and left us, closing the door behind him. I observed my daughter for a long minute, allowing the silence to make her uneasy. She did not look up. She did not move. And, this somehow made me more anxious.

Finally, I asked, “Why?”

She was silent.

“Are you hurt?”

Silence.

Oh gods, please let someone be injured. She’s twelve. She’s innocent. She’s too young for moontea.

“Is someone one else hurt?” I asked.

I watched her put all her strength into remaining as still and silent as possible. For all of her efforts, Arianne had begun to shake. Her face grew red, tears began to slide down her cheeks, and something inside me broke. This little girl. My little girl was fighting so hard. What was it that she feared so much?

Talk to her.

My wife's voice rang through my head. I had to obey. I was sworn to obey.

I stood and walked around the desk and knelt down. I looked up at Ariannes face and she squeezed her eyes shut. At this angle, she looked like her mother. For the first time since this fear crept into my head, I could see Arianne. My little girl. A child who is scared of her father. Oh my girl, what am I doing to you? I brushed away a tear on her cheek and gently said, “It’s alright.” I reached out and took her small hand in mine. “Who is hurt?” I asked even softer.

She looked at me with those big blue eyes. There was fear there, fear that humbled me. She swallowed, “Arthur is.”

I raised an eyebrow, “Arthur?”

Arianne nodded, “We jumped off the cliffs and he cut his leg on the rocks.”

Sighing, I closed my eyes. Of course. “And, it got infected.” I stated. Arianne nodded to confirm. “You’ve been stealing from the maester to make a poultice for your brother. Why didn’t you just tell the maester about Arthur?”

“He would have told you and Mum, and we didn’t want to get in trouble.”

Oh, they most certainly would be in trouble. Their mother would lock them in their rooms until all the stars grew dark. I sighed and leaned back against my heels, “Arianne, this is serious. Arthur can lose his leg to the infection.”

She frowned, “I’ve been taking good care of him, the infection is almost gone.”

I stood up then, “Maester Aron will be the one to determine that.”

She rolled her eyes and in a tone that was too much like Brienne, she said, “Maester Aron is a cox-comb.”

I laughed out loud and Arianne grinned sheepishly, probably expecting me to admonish her. “Truly, but he’s our maester.”

I led Arianne out of my study and it didn’t take us long to find the maester. Arianne then led us to her brother, who was still waiting in his room for his sister to return. He paled when he saw me in the doorway.

“Let’s see that leg.” I said.

Guiltily, he rolled up his pants to reveal a long semi-healed gash. It looked tender, but I had to admit, whatever Arianne had been doing, it worked well. The maester went straight to work, poking and prodding. He asked questions and Arthur answered quietly. If he was impressed, he didn’t say so.

Maester Aron sighed, “There doesn’t seem to be any blood poisoning and the inflammation looks to be receding. He is very lucky.”

I nodded, “Good, thank you, Maester Aron.”

“Ser, if I may?” The maester began.

“Not now. Finish with my son and when I am done dealing with my children we will talk.” I replied irritably. The maester scowled, but bowed his head. I turned to my son and said, “Arthur, when the maester is done, you will stay here until your mother has decided on what to do with you.”

“Yes, Ser.” He said, eyes averted.

I looked at his sister, “Arianne, come with me.”

She fell in beside me as I led us through the castle. There was a lightness in me that I had not felt in days. They were not like me. They did not inherit my bad blood. They were good. They were innocent. I was wrong. I was wrong... A buzzing of my own guilt prompted me to ask, “How did you know what to do? With the poultice?”

Arianne hesitated before she replied, “I read about it in the library. There’s a book on medicinal herbs and I just followed the instructions.”

I looked down at her as we walked and I could not believe how resourceful she had been. “That was very clever. You still should have gone to the maester. You could have done the poultice wrong or Arthur could have had a broken bone.”

“I know.” She replied.

We arrived at Brienne’s study. The door was open and we entered just as Gerald said, “I think we should sail in the morning.”

“Sail where?” I asked.

Brienne was sitting in a large comfortable chair with her feet up and looked at me. She seemed tired as she sat there and replied, “There have been more raids North of Tarth. I was asking Gerald what he recommends.”

I gave my wife a half smile, “And, is that what the Evenstar commands?”

She returned a playful glare, “Yes, you and Gerald will take a few men and see if you can’t catch a pirate or two.” I nodded and Brienne looked at Arianne, “And, what are we doing here?”

Arianne kept her eyes on her feet. There was no need to add to her discomfort, so I turned to Gerald and said, “Gerald, go find us some volunteers for our mission.” He looked to Brienne, who nodded and as he made his way out, he winked at Arianne. She brightened a little and seemed comforted by the gesture, but kept her eyes lowered.

I closed the door behind him. “Arianne, tell your mother what you told me.”

Arianne hesitated and Brienne looked from Arianne to me then back to Arianne. “What is it, sweetling?” She asked.

Arianne shuffled her feet and finally said, “Arthur and I jumped off the cliffs and he got hurt.”

Brienne looked at me and I looked down at our daughter, “What else?” I prompted.

Arianne continued, “His cut got really bad and we didn’t want to get in trouble, so I’ve been stealing herbs from Maester Aron to tend to Arthur.”

Brienne sighed and reached out a hand to Arianne. After a moment Arianne took it. Brienne pulled her in close. “Do you remember why I said those cliffs are dangerous?”

Arianne looked away, “Yes.”

“So, I don’t need to remind you that I lost my brother to those cliffs?”

Arianne’s lip quivered, but she stood strong, “No.”

Brienne brushed our daughters hand with her thumb, “And, yet, you and your brother chose to jump from those cliffs?”

“Yes, Ser.”

I watched the turmoil of grief for Galladon, anger for her children’s willfulness and the exhaustion from a babe yet to be born all circulate in the expression on Brienne’s face. She looked very tired as she contemplated Arianne’s words. Finally, she asked, “You know the dangers and you know how we feel about it, why jump at all?”

“We were just playing-”

“Playing with your lives,” Brienne interrupted with a burst of exhausted anger. She paused to cool her temper and then said, “Go to your room. I need to discuss with your father what we will do with you and your brother.”

My daughter nodded and rushed quickly from the room.

“Move your feet,” I said when we were alone and the door was closed once more.

Brienne dropped her feet from the stool and I sat down. She then brought her feet back up onto my lap. I began removing her boots as she asked, “What are we going to do with them?”

I threw a boot to the ground, “Lock them up in chains until they’re of age.”

She laughed and then looked very sad, “Gal drowned below those cliffs.”

“I know.” I replied and tossed her other boot away. I grimaced at her swollen ankles as I began messaging her left foot, “So, Evenstar, what shall I do with your children?”

She closed her eyes, resting her head in a hand, and sighed, “I don’t know.”

I worked my thumb along the sole of her foot in tight, hard circles, “Arianne had to find a book on medicine to keep this secret, you know.”

Brienne kept her eyes closed, “Did she?”

“Aye, we could make her an assistant to Maester Aron as punishment.”

Brienne peaked at me with a small smile, “And, Arthur?”

I shrugged, “He will help the stable hands as soon as his leg is better.”

“Arthur has the easier punishment.”

“Then he can be the stablehand. The others still get paid, but he does the work.”

Brienne nodded at that, “That is acceptable as long as when they are not performing these new duties they are kept in their rooms.”

“How long?”

“Two moons.”

I nodded. It seemed fair. I moved to her other foot, “You’ve been standing too much.” I said.

She sighed into my touches, “I’m restless, Jaime.”

“Your always restless when you’re this far along. Perhaps I shall find you some knitting needles to help you pass the time?”

Brienne glared at me, “You wouldn’t dare.”

I smiled, “I would.”

“And, I would have you thrown in the dungeon.”

“Oh, the dungeons. I would just have to incite a rebellion.”

She gave me a tired smile, “Well at least wait until this babe is born so it can be a fair fight.”

Shaking my head, I said, “The whole success of the rebellion rests with you stuck in that chair. I can’t have you fighting against me.”

Brienne rested a hand on her belly, “A master tactician, I see.” There was a knock at the door. “Enter.”

Gerald opened the door and said, ‘Ser I have ten who have volunteered to go with the ship tomorrow.”

Brienne nodded, “Good, if that is all, we’re done for the day.”

“Yes, Ser. Ser Jaime, will we meet at dawn?”

I shook my head, “The ship will likely needs to leave at dawn, we should be ready before then. Let the men know will you?”

“Of course, Ser.” He replied and he was gone.

I turned to Brienne, “Shall I talk to Arthur then?”

My wife hesitated a moment and I half expected her to ask me to speak with Arianne instead, but ultimately she said, “This is the secret they’ve been keeping.”

I reached for one of her boots, “Apparently.” I replied and slid the boot onto her foot.

She regarded me for a moment, “So that’s it?”

I grabbed the other boot, “No.”

“No? I feel you owe them an apology. But, should we tell them that their father thought they had laid together?”

Brienne had tears in her eyes as I looked up at her. The shame and guilt I had pushed aside burned hot through my body. “I’m so sorry.” I said quietly.

“I meant what I said, Jaime.” Her anger turned to sadness, “I can’t have you painting shadows on our children. I can’t listen to you pour your demons into them.”

I slid the other boot back onto her foot. There was an emptiness in my mind. A void of thoughts, plans, actions. I did not know what she could do. I did not know what I should do. “I know.”

She wiped her face, “Help me up.”

I took her hand and pulled her up. When she was standing, I kissed that hand. Brienne took my face into her hands. There were words behind her lips, but she did not say them. What she said instead was, “I will speak to Arianne.”

She turned to go, but I caught her wrist. “Brienne, I have not always had these thoughts. I will not always have them either.”

“I hope not, Ser.”

I brushed the inside of her wrist, “I know my sins are my own.”

“What are you trying to tell me, Jaime?”

“I just need you to know that you were the reason I listened to her today. I’m sorry I burdened you with these shades, but had I not-” Brienne pulled me into her arms. She held me tightly as I buried my head into the crook of her neck. I inhaled, bringing her into my lungs.

“I don’t mean to for you never to speak of darker things. I just...”

“I know,” I said, pulling away.

“You scared me, Jaime.”

“I’m sorry, Brienne.” I kissed her hand.

She brushed my cheek with the back of her hand, “I thought we were through this self-hate.”

“Sometimes, old wounds are reopened.” I replied.

Brienne nodded, “Let’s mend them then.”

I nodded and escorted Brienne to Arianne’s room and then departed as she knocked on the door. It wasn’t long before I found myself knocking on Arthur’s door. He had remained in his bed, waiting for my return. He waited silently as I sat down on the edge of his bed.

“So, you jumped off the cliffs.” I began.

He nodded, keeping his eyes down.

“And, then you hurt your leg.”

He fidgeted with his hands, but did not speak.

“Arthur, do you have anything to say about this?”

Arthur shook his head.

“Do you understand how serious this could have been? How lucky you are?”

“Yes, Ser.” He said, softly.

“You could have lost your leg, or worse.”

Arthur looked up at me, “No, I wouldn’t have, Arianne is a good healer.”

I sighed, “You got lucky.”

“No! Arianne made sure to change the poultice in the morning and at night.”

If that was true then that would explain why Arianne had been sneaking out of her room at night and why they insisted Ty stay out of their cave. The realization hit me hard, “She’s been making the poultices in that little cave, hasn’t she?”

He nodded, “Yeah, it’s why we made up the witch game, so Ty wouldn’t find everything.” Arthur paused, “Don’t be too hard on Arianne, she was just protecting me and doing what I asked. She wanted to tell you and mom, but I told her I wouldn’t speak to her again if she did.”

Oh. Fuck. I have blinded myself. I had everything so wrong. Arianne would do anything for Arthur and he clearly knew it. Such reckless loyalty. Loyalty I never had from my sister… How often did Arthur use this against her?

I grimaced, “Arthur, you can’t manipulate your sister like that. You have no idea what that can do to her.”

“I was scared.”

“So, you had Arianne lie for you? Steal for you?” Arthur looked ashamed. Good. He knew what he did was wrong. “One of the hardest parts of growing up is learning to take responsibility for your actions.”

“It’s hard.”

“It is, but your sister was prepared to take her share of responsibility, but you stopped that.”

“We’re good swimmers and Mom would have been really angry!”

“Rightfully so, you disobeyed her.”

“I guess... I’m sorry. I really am.”

“I am glad you’re okay, but if you do this again, I will put you in the dungeons.” He laughed at the threat. I smiled, “So, the leg, can you walk on it?”

“Yes…” Arthur’s smile faded a little.

“Good because for the next three moons you’re going to be our stablehand and when you’re not the stablehand you will be here, thinking about what you’ve done.” I would have to tell Brienne I changed the length of his punishment and perhaps discuss shortening Ariannes.

He looked flabbergasted, “What about-”

“Oh, they’ll be fine. See we’re paying them for the work you do.”

“But-”

“No buts. Get some rest, Arthur, tomorrow is your first day.”

I left him with the intention of returning to Arianne. I had misjudged my daughter. I had misjudged my son. Did I even know them? At her door, I listened briefly, hoping to catch Brienne, but through the door could hear nothing. It was silent. Their conversation must have been short then. I knocked as I entered and found Arianne, alone, sitting by the window picking at her dolls clothes.

She looked up at me and then looked out the window, “Mom already talked to me.”

“I know.” I sat down on her bed, “That’s not why I am here.” She looked at me and in this light I saw Marcella. A sweet, innocent girl, just trying to do right by her family. “I am sorry, Arianne. I have made assumptions about you and this situation. I was wrong.”Arianne was silent. She was too young to know the truth. Too good to know the truth about me, about my thoughts. I swallowed, “I thought you were the one driving these secrets, making Arthur... Arthur confessed that he was the one who made you lie and steal.”

She shrugged.

“All the same. I am sorry. I misjudged you and it was not fair.”

“It’s okay.” She said, softly, and looked back at her doll.

“It’s not, Arianne.” She looked up at me, “There is something else I would like to discuss with you.”

She waited.

“Arianne, what do you want? Who do you want to be?”

She shrugged again, “I don’t know. A lady, I guess.”

That was not helpful, “You could be a knight like your mother? Like Alys will be? Or, a lady of a castle? Like Cat will be? If you want.”

“I don’t know. Why does it matter?” she asked. I could hear the confusion in her voice.

“It matters.” I paused, “Your mother has had an offer for you hand in marriage.”

Her eyebrows knitted together, “From who?”

“Your Uncle Tyrion has proposed that we match you with Ned.”

Her mouth dropped a moment before she said, “That would make me queen.”

“One day, yes.” She looked away from me transfixed by the thought. Then I said, “Accepting this offer will be your choice, Arianne.”

She bit her lower lip, “What if I don’t want to?”

“Then we will write to Uncle Tyrion and tell him no.”

“But, my duty is to marry.” She said, sadly.

“Arianne, you are the daughter of Ser Brienne of Tarth. The first woman knight. The Evenstar. If you want to run off to the North and fight wildlings then you will do so. If you want to captain a ship and build a merchant fleet then you will do so. If you want to marry Eddard Stark and be queen of the seven kingdoms then you will do so. Tell me what you want and I will support you. Just like Alys, just like Catelyn and just like Joanna.”

I held out my hand and she took it. I pulled her into a hug. She buried her face into my shoulder and through muffles said, “What if I want to study at the Citadel? Can I become a maester?”

I looked down at her hopeful face as I said, “Women can’t be maesters.” Her face dropped before I could finish, “But, they said that about knights, too.”

Her eyes flicked up at me, “I know they don’t let girls in.”

I shrugged, “Fuck tradition, Arianne.” She looked at me wide eyed. “I will find you a way in.”

***

Brienne woke me gently in the darkness of the morning. Groggily, I wondered when my sons would be returning home so I wouldn’t have to do this anymore. I rolled over a wrapped myself around Brienne and buried my head between her breasts. She laughed. Such a glorious sound that was. I looked up at her tired face, sleepily she smiled at me.

“You need to get going.” She said.

I dropped my head and muttered, “Send my daughter.”

“You would allow your daughter to go unsupervised onto a ship with all those young men? One of whom is her betrothed?”

“If it meant I could stay here, then yes.”

“Ser Jaime, you have a mission to complete for Tarth.”

I groaned and rolled away, straight out of the bed. I inhaled deeply the scent of smoke, morning dew and summer evening turned into morning. As I began dressing, I said, “I’ve been thinking…”

“A dangerous game.” Brienne replied.

I chuckled, “I have been thinking about Arthur and Arianne… Perhaps you were right and some time apart might be good for them.”

“Oh?”

“We should write to Pod and see if he will take Arthur to squire.”

Brienne nodded against her pillow, “You know he would.”

“For you certainly, but if Arthur needed to earn his place he should do it.”

“And, where would you send Arianne?”

“Oldtown, disguised as her brother.” I said, casually as I put my foot into a boot.

My wife observed me with a smile, “And, Arthur would be disguised as Arianne.”

I shrugged, “More or less. We would send him in such a guise, but once he’s in King’s Landing, he can reveal himself to Pod.”

She slowly sat up, keeping a hand to her large belly, “And, we somehow ensure Grand Maester Tarly does not report this to the Citadel.”

I sat down on the edge of the bed by Brienne and put on my other boot, “I think he will be amiable. My understanding is that he never quite forgave the way the maesters dismissed the threat of the Night King.”

“Why Oldtown?”

“Arianne told me she wants to be a maester, but to make a chain she would have to convince several old men that her sex could be worthy of it.” My wife raised an eyebrow, “They won’t take her as Arianne, but they will as Arthur. I think she’s clever enough to shame the old fucks if she were discovered. At the very least she can continue learning until Arthur is knighted or-”

“We decide she needs be married.”

“She decides.”

Brienne put her hand on my leg, “Of course.”

“Can you arrange that while I’m gone?”

She rolled her eyes and laughed, “Yes, Ser.”

“Maester Aron can’t know.”

“He won’t.”

I put my hand to her belly and felt our babe move, “Don’t you arrive before I’m home. I missed your brothers, I can’t miss you.”

Brienne put her hand against mine for a moment and then she gave me a gentle nudge with her knee, “Get going, Ser.”

I laughed and stood up, my hand still on her belly. I turned and kissed Brienne softly. “As you command, my Evenstar.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to read this. I appreciate you so much.
> 
> Based off these first three chapters, it takes me roughly 4-6 weeks to write a full chapter. Look for Chapter 4 in late Sept/Early Oct.


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